Attack of the over bearing grandmother...

[Mel_NewMomToBe]

I just got tipped off that my mother is planning on missing my baby shower in order to be here after that for X amount of time, where X is until I have my baby girl and who knows how long after. I really do not enjoy the idea of my mother camped out waiting for me to have this baby and sticking around until she decides to leave. How in the world do you tell someone, who you want there for maybe a few days, that they are not welcome for what could be more than a month???

[Mel_NewMomToBe]

Good luck to you too Panama! This will be my first child, but my mother's 6th grandchild. I'm certain some help will desperately needed and appreciated but I'd almost rather close the door to it entirely than have some one, specifically my mother, be here for an indefinite amount of time.  While I hope my girl stays cookin as long as she needs to be healthy, in the back of my mind I can't help but think if she came shortly after my shower it wouldn't be all that bad and would cut the mom lingering down by a couple weeks!

[lady_panama]

I almost died laughing when I saw this post b/c it sounds just like my Mother. She is retired and this is only her second grandchild, my first (my sister has a 3 year old). My mother just showed up at my sister's house a few weeks before delivery and planned on staying indefinitely. And my sister warned me a few weeks ago that my mother plans on "surprising" me with her presence, so I too am trying to think if a colorful, non offensive way to nip that in the bud. Good luck!!

[924878456604715558_416_5]

My mother drives me insane but beleive me you will love her once the baby arrives. The extra help while you sleep is great

[Mel_NewMomToBe]

I tried to pin down her plans in a phone call yesterday. She would only say that she will probably miss the baby shower because my sister won't let her stay at her house during her visit, a whole other drama there. But basically I said if you aren't going to be here for the shower then what are your plans? And she danced around it, cried, and proceeded to make me feel worse about telling her she couldn't be here for the X amount of time she plans. There will have to be another, or several more, conversations about this. As for saying someone else will be here, my father and my husbands mother are both deceased and his father lives super close. He has no siblings that would come, but I do. So its all my family wanting to come in from out of town with no where else to stay...

[weezy789]

I straight up told my mom that i would love for her to come help, especially since this is first baby for me and bf and we're lucky we have family who are so supportive... But i told her that bf and i need some time alone with each other and our daughter as a family before she can come. I didn't make a big deal about it and she totally understood.

[mw89]

Just flat out tell her you feel this would add more stress to the situation.  This is you and hubby 's time not hers. That's not very nice for her to show up unannouced even if she is your mom. These memories you are about to make will be with you forever. Dont let them be negative

[mmjea2015]

May ve telling her that someone is gonna be over to help you like a friend or ssister-in-law or mother-in-law may she won't come at all if that's what you want.. just be kind of gentle not to break her feeling never know when you will need her n than you may end up eating your own words

[specialmom]

Well, that is hard if you are basically 'subjected' to whatever SHE plans on doing and she may or may not inform you ahead of time.  That would get under my skin too.  

I guess be up front with her and tell her that you know you'll want her to be there to help a bit and to bond with your new baby but that you also want to have some space.  So, perhaps she could tell you when she is coming (and then if it is too early . .    tell her when to change that date to that works for you) and then tell her that you'd like to play the rest by ear.  That you think it would be great if she stayed a bit and then took off for home and then maybe came back a month later if she is free for a short visit.  That this would work better for you and your husband.  That way she doesn't think that this is her one and only shot to be there, that she CAN come back.  And if you think she is going to surprise you----  then tell her that you are anxious these days and NEED to know what her plans are exactly.  Heck, you can also say that your husband's mother is coming and gets her turn too so she'll need to maybe not be there then.  (even if your MIL only comes for a couple of days.)  

??  Is that something that might work with her?

[Mel_NewMomToBe]

And the hardest part is that she won't tell me that this is her plan, she'll "surprise" me with it. She just shows up. we have a decent relationship but that is from afar, up close she is too much for me. I just don't need another thing to worry about and can't quite find the kind words to express myself gracefully.

[Mel_NewMomToBe]

My mom lives out of state and I live out in the country so all of my family is far away. Mom has nothing to go back to and will be in absolutely no hurry to return home. I love my mom and do want her here but I can't fathom the idea of her being here for weeks. Not to mention my husband is a quiet and kind person but he will lose his mind if she's here that long. This is our first child and I know I will appreciate help but feeling smothered already and I'm not due until March 6th.

[specialmom]

It would be nice if she had other family in town she could also visit so she could go away for a day or two and then when you are starting to feel like "HELLPPPPP" she can resurface.  Do you have anyone else near you that she can go visit a bit during her stay?

[4532932646698441012_860_5]

Is this your 1st baby? My mum come for 1 month after my baby girl was borne. I couldn't imagine a greater help. I wish she could stay longer. But if your mum is bit to much for you, just tell her in polite way that you appreciate the offer very much but you also want some alone time with your partner and the baby. Maybe she doesn't have to come until the baby is born?

[specialmom]

I would be honest but also realize that you don't know exactly how you'll feel after.  

I am a seriously independent person, capable, think I can conquer the world.  LOL  I had my first baby and was like OMG!  I had been around plenty of babies but between a difficult birth and this little life that I had to keep alive . . .   I was in a different place than I thought I would be.  My husband took two weeks off of work when I had the baby and when he went back to work, I cried and cried.  I was going to be on my own!!  

I crack up at this now because honestly, that is SO not me.  I enjoy doing for myself, don't like to ask for help, am a tough person.  But I was a lump of fear feeling overwhelmed.  

So, there is a chance that you will be like "HELP ME MOM!" when you have the baby.  My mom is passed away (very sad about that) and I was really on my own besides my husband.  It was tiring and challenging and I NEVER thought that it would be that way beforehand.

good luck hon

[bump2015]

Just be honest with her. Tell her you appreciate the thought but right now you feel it would be unnecessary for her to put so much of her life on hold just to help you out. She may be hurt, but she'll get over it.
Also, you may want to keep that option open. Anything can happen during l&d, you could end up with a c section which takes much longer to recover from. Or you could have a difficult baby. Or you could come down with the baby blues. Or, on a positive note, you might find it to be a great bonding experience with your mom.
I wish nothing but the best to you! Good luck and congrats.

[whiteowl7]

Honesty is the best policy

[boca16]

Be honest and say that it may stress u more then do good