Just A Little Mature Advice???

[PrinceShawnsMom]

So I'm posting in here to get feedback of older, more mature women than in the youger/teenaged forum. Long, but PLEASE bare with me.

I'm 23 & my bf & I have been together for over 4yrs. We have our own place & have always had a good sex life until recently. Around my 20th week or so I started feeling slightly uncomfortable but we still made sex work. But it's like the further along I get, the more it hurts. I'm now 32weeks & when we tried about a month ago I was in tears it was so painful. I haven't let him touch me since.

He works fulltime & is in school to financially support my 5yr old (previous relationship) & I so I don't have to work. He also cooks & cleans. Because of everything he does, I don't feel like I owe him, but I do want to show him appreciation by giving him the sex he wants. Only thing is, I'm afraid to try again & he's not giving me the attention/affection I want-I think because he's sexually frustrated. Because we're not getting along lately, I feel he's cheating & it drives me away from trying sex again even if I wanted to.

Anyone been in the same position before? Or have any advice? Should I just give in & hope he'll treat me how I think I should be treated? Or am I  being childish/hormonal & understand a man needs it?

[MrsFancis]

I do get the recognition I need. And i am not the one who have issues,  you do. So all of a sudden, I glad things are working out for you and now you man "want" you every night. I am done posting because I will not entertain you, because you are an attention seeker, so good luck with your next 55 days of pregnancy.

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@38nprego THANK YOU! After reading over some of her posts I agree with your assumption that she may not be happy & it's sad because of what she accomplished. I too agree that maybe she's not getting the recognition she needs from her husband, but I believe she's niw divorced & pregnant with another man's baby (read that on her post).
Anywho, I will definitely take your & everyone else's advice into consideration-actually already have which is why every night since I've posted this, he's come straight home without watching tv & jumped straight in bed holdong me all night.lol I do think my self-esteem plays a part in why he is distant sometimes-he complains to me often about me not feeling confident so I will see to it that won't happen anymore.
Thanks again hun! ♡

[38nprego]

Ughh I been trying to post on this for hour. hi Prince shawnsmom ! First off God bless you honey but second, let me pick a bone with Mrs Francis you wanna judge just know your the type of Christian that will bust hell wide open what God do you serve its obvious that with all you do or have done your still not happy doing it and haven't got enough recognition from whom ever your seeking it from probably your husband! I like this site because women share and motivate each other you are a glitch in the system do us all a favor and keep your judgement arrogant  pestimis advise toyour dueses!! Any Shawn's mom communication is everthing! Don't hide your pain I don't know what you believe in but its time to get freaky lols learn how to satisfy him other ways if you don't know how don't lose your self esteem because that's the most attractive thing about us try a foot massage my husband loves pedicures I don'tddo them unless I want spoil him light candle put the kids down have his bath water and dinner ready when he comes home try something new keep it sexy while letting him know his needs are important to you but tonight tell me something else you desire in that area within reason lols what's his fantesy?  make sure he knows not to eat before he comes home and have it sexy talk to your man a seduce him at the same time that's my advise good luck hun:')

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@thirdtimeacharm & @3rdndone THANK YOU! I can to this forum because of all the negative things I see in the younger aged forum, but never expected to experience it here. I appreciate both of you ladies as no one knows what our household is really like. As I commented before, I was just a little hormonal & in my feelings when I posted that.lol Laying in the bed up under my man as we speak after I got our son off to school earlier & before I get up to do laundry & finish homework.  ☺

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@mrsfrancis You are so off with this advice! Never did I say I am lazy & don't do anything. I simply thought I'd mention that he too helps around the house as well-which I don't feel is a problem & neither does he.lol I mentioned the part of him helping to emphasize that he deserves the sex he wants & expects from me. I don't care how mature you think you are, this is not the olden times where the wife stays home to soley cook/clean after her husband. If he messes up something, he's okay with cleaning up after himself. & he does most of the cooking because he's a chef (as a career) & it's what he loves to do! -another thing he doesn't have a problem with.

My post for mature advice was only about sex. Not someone trying to dissect our home life & bring up how they run theirs. I was simply asking for advice about not wanting to have sex because it hurts me, & how I still do it because he pays all the bills (why I said I bring nothing to the table-financially wise). & thanks for saying "potential wife". We've been talking about it for years, especially because he didn't want me to have his baby without being his wife 1st, but because of all my sons medical bills we can't afford to.
>>>Francis you need to pray to God that he grants you some empathy for others & learn to post positive comments, instead of beating other women down-clearly this app is not for that. ☺

[3rdNdone]

@MrsFranis- while she asked for advice she did not asked to be put down. You don't know half of what is going on in her household. Before you post something judging someone check their older post. Calling her lazy because you are able to accomplish certain things is like saying that all pregnancies are the same and they are not. Ask her what's on if you are truly here to offer support.

[ThirdTimeACharm]

That was not called for Mrsfrancis, you said you are given a matured advice but it seems as if your bashing her without knowing what she is capable of doing for her household! Well done to you for achieving so much and being so supportive and all to your husband, giving a mature advice as you called it is giving an advice at the same time being considerate to the person since we only know what they want us to know! @ princeshawnsmom you do what needs to be done for you and your family and do it as well as your health and situation enables you too, the rest with communication and all can be sorted in a amicable way. Good luck dear.

[MrsFancis]

You said you miss having sex....do you miss cleaning and cooking and taking care of your household?

[MrsFancis]

Since you ask for our advice here it is. I had my first child at the age of 27, high risk and couldn't have sex. My second one Same thing high risk and I had to stay home. My husband took care of the household by working to provide for his family.  So as a stay at home wife, even though I was high risk,  i didn't allow that to cripple me. I clean, wash, cook and interact with my family. While doing that, i was in school finishing my Masters Degree. A man period hates a lazy women, and I feel you are making excuse. Of you cannot have sex, that is one thing, but don't allow your man to come home and clean up after you and your child. I'm pregnant now and I get it with the hormones, but everday...come on. PRAY about and and ask God to deliver you from being so lazy. I agree with your last comment, no women should feel obligated to give sex, it should be a natural feelings between you both. I hope when you have this baby, your more active and clean and do more.
I have 2 boys now ages 5, and 6, currently 16 weeks pregnant, own a daycare business, so you know that's a lot of work. I manage to do what I have because after I had my boys I stayed home for a while but still clean and accomplish different things around the house. I hope you wake up and realize that it's annoying for a man to have to be the breed winner, stress out and his job and then stess out at home. Maybe he's not cheating and it's your own insecurities Kicking in. Chill out and think on being a better girlfriend,/potential "wife". Good luck to your boyfriend because I can feel him pain. You ask for a mature advice and when someone comment, they are commenting on what they experienced. You be bless and now get up and start being mobile around the house.

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@patty1848 lol thanks, I'm working on it. Just hoping it will get a little better through trying like he says. After all, I miss it too. ☺

[patty1848]

Omg I just read some of the comments. OK I'm sorry, I take back my comment.
Also, don't do it if it hurts you and u cry and have to hide it :(

[patty1848]

Talk to him. If you don't want to have sex, please him with hand/ blow jobs...
Make him happy

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@luxah I understand what your saying. Also, to everyone I never said I feel like I owe him-I said I don't & want to show appreciation. Because of of finances (he's the only 1 who brings in income & we're expecting) I can't buy him anything or even take him out. That's why I go ahead & give in to sex because I don't bring anything to the table.

It's fine though, I don't stress over it often-was just in my feelings yesterday. Thanks!

[luxah]

I'm sorry yku have to deal with that, if you think hes cheating then you should ask, and prolly not have sex due to getting an std which can harm the pregnancy. I disagree, sex isn't a need, its a want. Half our lives we lived without it, if you're uncomfortable and your in so much pain your crying thats not worth it and thats not love on his part. Sex should be about love, not just lust and the want of it. If you feel like you owe him there are other things you can do that don't even involve sexual things. Buy him a new game or clothes, take him out to dinner or something. We're meant to be their equal, not their personal sex doll who have to deal with things like this. I don't work, my husband has sacrificed a lot by joining the army to support me and now our daughter. I don't feel I owe him anything, because it is his job to do those things. And if he were to ask I would get a job, but he hasn't.  And sex has hurt me on and off, but he doesn't push the subject or try to continue. I would rather be comfortable with it than miserable, and so should any woman.

[PrinceShawnsMom]

Oh & we had sex again last night-because he never gives up & it's the only way I can get him to hold me or rub my back. Again, I cried most of the time in pain (he didn't hear or see me) even though we used lub.... really s**ks, 8more weeks to go.

[PrinceShawnsMom]

Thanks ladies!

We've asked my ob about it & he mentioned several different possibilities but didn't check for any of them-just said sex can't harm the pregnancy. I bring it up to my bf everytime he asks but he doesn't care that it hurts, he only says to keep trying everyday. Oral is out the question, & he gets bored of hand jobs & stroking between my legs right outside my vagina. I feel like if he's not trying to have sex, he doesn't pay me any attention. He doesn't hold me anymore at night, but instead gives me his backside & goes straight to sleep. It's bad enough he works in the evening so he doesn't get home until around 1am-4am. (Which is also the reason I think he's cheating because it only takes about 30mins to get home & when he's late (30mins-2hrs) he tells me he worked over.) When he gets home, he stays up watching tv for a while. Attention/affection is a 2way street but I feel like because I'm pregnant with a child he asked for, he should be more supportive or act interested in me & the pregnancy at least.

[amandaball]

U have a hand and mouth ;). Dont do anything u r not confortable with

[30ftm]

I agree with the other ladies communicate with him. It's going to be the key to any relationship.  Like you see is painful for me and has been since my 20th week.  At 1st I was so nauseated all the time it was hard then I'm so swollen because of pregnancy that's why it hurts.  I've talked to my husband about it and he's OK with it. He's frustrated sometime but he doesn't want to hurt me either.  He felt bad the last because it hurt for several hours after. He's been great and very supportive.  He does most of the cooking and cleaning I help out when I can and he's happy with that. I'm 38 weeks now

[Novembermommy1104]

Do not have sex with him because you feel you owe him because he has a job. Have sex because you want to be intimate with him. If you don't, then don't. I will say that if too much time passes with me and my husband with out having sex, I do feel a little distance and edgy with each other, but being pregnant and having sex is challenging, both physically and emotionally so we are working past it.. you should try being intimate besides just actual penetration...... you both can enjoy it (if you want) . My husband and I had been taking baths together up until I hit my 36 week mark last week lol. Just keep communication open with him, and don't be too hard on yourself. Best wishes

[jojobeaner]

You and him can still be intimate without vaginal penetration, especially if it's causing you pain.

[hinkypunkheid]

Sex can feel differently by each week.  One position will be good one week and bad the next.  If you wish for him to be affectionate to you then you much do the same.  It is a two way street but someone has to walk first.  He is prob afraid to touch you.  

[vonnie5382]

Try Pre-seed its a lubricant. It really Works. Im 26 weeks and when me and my husband do have sex it feels AMAZING.

[malikaela]

Have you talked to your doc about pain? I am not sure about sex at 32 weeks, because you are getting close to 9 months. You shouldn't feel like you owe him, but I understand what you mean. I feel the same with my hubby bc he's so incredible. I second communication first followed by mouth or hand if you can manage it. Lol. Good luck. ;)

[rod3]

Im sure he would like your hand or mouth...if you know what I mean. You can definitely do other things in the mean time. Even though it is a bit tiring :p but it is different amd can be fun for the two of you