Just A Little Mature Advice???

[PrinceShawnsMom]

So I'm posting in here to get feedback of older, more mature women than in the youger/teenaged forum. Long, but PLEASE bare with me.

I'm 23 & my bf & I have been together for over 4yrs. We have our own place & have always had a good sex life until recently. Around my 20th week or so I started feeling slightly uncomfortable but we still made sex work. But it's like the further along I get, the more it hurts. I'm now 32weeks & when we tried about a month ago I was in tears it was so painful. I haven't let him touch me since.

He works fulltime & is in school to financially support my 5yr old (previous relationship) & I so I don't have to work. He also cooks & cleans. Because of everything he does, I don't feel like I owe him, but I do want to show him appreciation by giving him the sex he wants. Only thing is, I'm afraid to try again & he's not giving me the attention/affection I want-I think because he's sexually frustrated. Because we're not getting along lately, I feel he's cheating & it drives me away from trying sex again even if I wanted to.

Anyone been in the same position before? Or have any advice? Should I just give in & hope he'll treat me how I think I should be treated? Or am I  being childish/hormonal & understand a man needs it?

[Keepsmiling2012]

If it hurts, don't do it! There are others ways to make him feel like a man then just sex. I've been on pelvic rest so none of that is going on. We are 10yrs older and the drive isn't like it use to be so it's not so bad. From what you say, I'm sure he is on over load. And I feel it's the hormones talking as far as him being with someone else. I feel the same some times with my other half, but know that is not what's going on. Communication in a relationship is extremely important. Express how you feel. Ask him if there are things that he would appreciate that's not already being done. Pack a special lunch with a love note, iron his laundry,  have your 5yr old in bed a little early so that you and him could have couple time or him to have down time. Everyone has a love language. Just learning our other half some times maybe difficult when it's different from our own.

[emmadelema]

I also dont have to work and am blessed to have a man that will take care of me and my child from a previous relationship but I make sure I can help out as much as I can cooking cleaning giving him a massage you have to show appreciation to get it back and on the sex tip if it hurts to much their are other ways to get him off wont hurt to give it a try hope that helps

[nikki1214]

I agree he is probably over worked. Umm with your sex issue if you really want to you could try lubes an other positions. If your really feel uncomfortable try talking to him communication is a big part of every relationship.

[nikki1214]

I agree he is probably over worked. Umm with your sex issue if you really want to you could try lubes an other positions. If your really feel uncomfortable try talking to him communication is a big part of every relationship.

[TheJuniors]

Make sure he knows exactly how you feel. That you appreciate him so much, that you love him but you are scared of having sex because it hurts. Tell him you are prepared to try again but only of you can take things slow and at a pace you are comfortable with. Start with a sexy naked massage, lots of forplay, and use lubrication.  You on top or doggie style might be the most comfortable positions for you. If it hurts still make sure you help him finish. There doesn't have to be penitration for both of you to climax. Make sure you cuddle naked after no matter what. The skin to skin contact releases endorphins that you desperately need at the end of a pregnancy.

[designerholly]

You dont owe him anything!

[3babyboyz]

Same here i havent had sex in a few months cuz it huts n i have 2 toddlers so it makes it even harder but when we do do it i tell him to go slow bcuz im in so much pain

[odinsfuturemom]

HerEs Something Too- He May Be Frustrated To Because Not Only DoEs He Want To Have Sex, But From Last Time, He Doesn't Want To Hurt You Moore. That's How My Guy Is. Lol I Used His Phone (With His Permission!) And When I Opened The Internet The Page That Loaded WasA Porn Site. Yep. And When I'm Not Pregnant, Not Trying To Be Full Of Myself, Just Trying To Show A Point-I'm Not The Least Attractive Woman. But ... He Has Needs (I Don't Agree With Or Like Porn) And He Can't Fill Them The Way He Wants To-I Don't Want To Have Sex, And In The Random Instance When We Did Try After30 Or So Weeks... It Was So Awkward And He Was Trying Ago Hard Not To Hurt Me, And Be Sensitive... He Just Doesn't Want To Either, Not At Least Until I Recover (Thank Goodness Due Thus Week... Home Stretch!) ... Because He Loves Me And Doesn't Want To Hurt Me, Even Though It Means He's Sometimes Frustrated And His Needs Are Going Unfulfilled Right Now. This Is Temporary, It WillPass, Things Will Get Better! You Are Not Going To Be Bonny On Family Guy And Pregnant Fur Nine Seasons. Hang In There!

[rod3]

Im sure he would like your hand or mouth...if you know what I mean. You can definitely do other things in the mean time. Even though it is a bit tiring :p but it is different amd can be fun for the two of you

[malikaela]

Have you talked to your doc about pain? I am not sure about sex at 32 weeks, because you are getting close to 9 months. You shouldn't feel like you owe him, but I understand what you mean. I feel the same with my hubby bc he's so incredible. I second communication first followed by mouth or hand if you can manage it. Lol. Good luck. ;)

[vonnie5382]

Try Pre-seed its a lubricant. It really Works. Im 26 weeks and when me and my husband do have sex it feels AMAZING.

[hinkypunkheid]

Sex can feel differently by each week.  One position will be good one week and bad the next.  If you wish for him to be affectionate to you then you much do the same.  It is a two way street but someone has to walk first.  He is prob afraid to touch you.  

[jojobeaner]

You and him can still be intimate without vaginal penetration, especially if it's causing you pain.

[Novembermommy1104]

Do not have sex with him because you feel you owe him because he has a job. Have sex because you want to be intimate with him. If you don't, then don't. I will say that if too much time passes with me and my husband with out having sex, I do feel a little distance and edgy with each other, but being pregnant and having sex is challenging, both physically and emotionally so we are working past it.. you should try being intimate besides just actual penetration...... you both can enjoy it (if you want) . My husband and I had been taking baths together up until I hit my 36 week mark last week lol. Just keep communication open with him, and don't be too hard on yourself. Best wishes

[30ftm]

I agree with the other ladies communicate with him. It's going to be the key to any relationship.  Like you see is painful for me and has been since my 20th week.  At 1st I was so nauseated all the time it was hard then I'm so swollen because of pregnancy that's why it hurts.  I've talked to my husband about it and he's OK with it. He's frustrated sometime but he doesn't want to hurt me either.  He felt bad the last because it hurt for several hours after. He's been great and very supportive.  He does most of the cooking and cleaning I help out when I can and he's happy with that. I'm 38 weeks now

[amandaball]

U have a hand and mouth ;). Dont do anything u r not confortable with

[PrinceShawnsMom]

Thanks ladies!

We've asked my ob about it & he mentioned several different possibilities but didn't check for any of them-just said sex can't harm the pregnancy. I bring it up to my bf everytime he asks but he doesn't care that it hurts, he only says to keep trying everyday. Oral is out the question, & he gets bored of hand jobs & stroking between my legs right outside my vagina. I feel like if he's not trying to have sex, he doesn't pay me any attention. He doesn't hold me anymore at night, but instead gives me his backside & goes straight to sleep. It's bad enough he works in the evening so he doesn't get home until around 1am-4am. (Which is also the reason I think he's cheating because it only takes about 30mins to get home & when he's late (30mins-2hrs) he tells me he worked over.) When he gets home, he stays up watching tv for a while. Attention/affection is a 2way street but I feel like because I'm pregnant with a child he asked for, he should be more supportive or act interested in me & the pregnancy at least.

[PrinceShawnsMom]

Oh & we had sex again last night-because he never gives up & it's the only way I can get him to hold me or rub my back. Again, I cried most of the time in pain (he didn't hear or see me) even though we used lub.... really s**ks, 8more weeks to go.

[luxah]

I'm sorry yku have to deal with that, if you think hes cheating then you should ask, and prolly not have sex due to getting an std which can harm the pregnancy. I disagree, sex isn't a need, its a want. Half our lives we lived without it, if you're uncomfortable and your in so much pain your crying thats not worth it and thats not love on his part. Sex should be about love, not just lust and the want of it. If you feel like you owe him there are other things you can do that don't even involve sexual things. Buy him a new game or clothes, take him out to dinner or something. We're meant to be their equal, not their personal sex doll who have to deal with things like this. I don't work, my husband has sacrificed a lot by joining the army to support me and now our daughter. I don't feel I owe him anything, because it is his job to do those things. And if he were to ask I would get a job, but he hasn't.  And sex has hurt me on and off, but he doesn't push the subject or try to continue. I would rather be comfortable with it than miserable, and so should any woman.

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@luxah I understand what your saying. Also, to everyone I never said I feel like I owe him-I said I don't & want to show appreciation. Because of of finances (he's the only 1 who brings in income & we're expecting) I can't buy him anything or even take him out. That's why I go ahead & give in to sex because I don't bring anything to the table.

It's fine though, I don't stress over it often-was just in my feelings yesterday. Thanks!

[patty1848]

Talk to him. If you don't want to have sex, please him with hand/ blow jobs...
Make him happy

[patty1848]

Omg I just read some of the comments. OK I'm sorry, I take back my comment.
Also, don't do it if it hurts you and u cry and have to hide it :(

[PrinceShawnsMom]

@patty1848 lol thanks, I'm working on it. Just hoping it will get a little better through trying like he says. After all, I miss it too. ☺

[MrsFancis]

Since you ask for our advice here it is. I had my first child at the age of 27, high risk and couldn't have sex. My second one Same thing high risk and I had to stay home. My husband took care of the household by working to provide for his family.  So as a stay at home wife, even though I was high risk,  i didn't allow that to cripple me. I clean, wash, cook and interact with my family. While doing that, i was in school finishing my Masters Degree. A man period hates a lazy women, and I feel you are making excuse. Of you cannot have sex, that is one thing, but don't allow your man to come home and clean up after you and your child. I'm pregnant now and I get it with the hormones, but everday...come on. PRAY about and and ask God to deliver you from being so lazy. I agree with your last comment, no women should feel obligated to give sex, it should be a natural feelings between you both. I hope when you have this baby, your more active and clean and do more.
I have 2 boys now ages 5, and 6, currently 16 weeks pregnant, own a daycare business, so you know that's a lot of work. I manage to do what I have because after I had my boys I stayed home for a while but still clean and accomplish different things around the house. I hope you wake up and realize that it's annoying for a man to have to be the breed winner, stress out and his job and then stess out at home. Maybe he's not cheating and it's your own insecurities Kicking in. Chill out and think on being a better girlfriend,/potential "wife". Good luck to your boyfriend because I can feel him pain. You ask for a mature advice and when someone comment, they are commenting on what they experienced. You be bless and now get up and start being mobile around the house.