In Law Advice

[LibraMum]

So my spouse has a sister & niece (her daughter) who have always disliked me. I have put up w/ disrespect numerous occasions before we had a child. He tries to stay neutral to avoid fights w/ his family but now we have a 2yo & 1 otw. They treat our child like she is not related, bare minimum to keep him quiet(show up at her party w/ no gift,never have watched her etc) BUT she has 5 kids & they get treated like gold by their uncle (my spouse). Am I wrong for feeling some type of way about this? Its not fair even his mom doesn't go out of her way for our kid like she does his sisters kids but he just says nothing b/c they're his mom & sis. I don't know how to handle this situation, should I just ignore it like he does?

[AmberJ326]

I'm sorry you're going through all that. I had the same issue before and during my first pregnancy but with my MIL. She basically treated me like I wasn't good enough for her son. During my pregnancy she kept telling me what I was doing wrong or what I needed to be doing or how she had this problem or that problem. I would just agree because I didn't want the fight and I didn't want to upset my husband. After our daughter was born the first 2 weeks were torture for me, she complained that I wasn't cleaning or cooking and she was doing it all (she flew to our home in NC from MO) and I got really upset. The whole time she was there I cried because I didn't feel good enough, I wasn't cooking or cleaning because I was tired and sore from giving birth and no one understood. After 2 months my husband's step mom called us to let us know a rumor about us and our daughter had been spread and it all came from his mother. I got fed up and called her out, told her what she said was wrong and assured her I'm here for good. My husband didn't speak to her for 2 months. During Christmas she called him saying she didn't understand why we weren't talking to her and he finally told her what her behavior did to their relationship, things slowly got better and now 2 years later her and I can actually carry a conversation. I know it's scary to confront your significant others family, but you're family too and you deserve to feel welcome. If you sit back and wait for him to get her to stop, you'll be waiting and hurting for a while. I would talk to him about it and ask that he support you. It's not going to be easy and it might cause a lot of conflict, but that's you and your baby being thrown out and it's unfair. Hope everything works out for you and your family <3

[AngelesV]

Yeah well thats her karma in a way. But you shouldn't get mad, youre the better person the mature one. Oh yes id love to move to another state. But my bf is such a mommas boy and daddys boy. Im pretty sure if I made him choose between them and our son in I. Id be a single mom.

[LibraMum]

Its sad they would make a difference with their own blood. I can't help but get angry b/c right now his mom is going thru hard times & she calls us asking for rides,money,even food to eat but before she was down she didn't help us only tried to keep conflict going between us. My hopes are to eventually move to another state away from her

[AngelesV]

I understand you. This is my bfs and I first kid im currently have preterm complications and they dont even offer to cook me a meal, we live with them. His sister and niece also live here. Im only supposed to be up 15 mins at a time. And they have not even bought our son a single thing. Not one thing. My parents are going out of their way to help us out since my due date isnt until oct 24 and I could have him any day now. And instead of being oh hey nice your parents bought you something theyre like why would they waste so much money on something.  Like why do you even care. Sooo irritating.  While they buy my niece everything she wants. Its just unfair.

[Mommy_Daddy_2]

I know the feeling my in laws treat my husbands sisters kids like gold buy them anything yet they barely have anything to do with our three year old. I'm currently expecting #2 39+3 and they have bought her two sleepers from dollar general and two cheap blankets. I just ignore it now I Dont go out of my way for them for anything and we barely visit them anymore.

[LadyBeeley]

Oh my gosh we are in the exact same boat! I finally called his mom out on it too! She says she has to be there like she is for her daughter bc if she wasnt her daughter would be a pee-poor mother and the baby would have nothing. She says she knows that baby gets neglect at home so she gives extra attention to try and make up. She says she knows we take care of our children and are more than capable of raising a well rounded child so she doesnt interfere with us like she does her daughter. So ive learned to let it go. One day my daughter will see the difference. I hopr she knows enough to realize sometimes its better to not have to be the focus of attention. Plus I dont like when others give her too much attention, I feel lile theres a point where theyre genuinely interestes and then theres a point where thsyre plotting to kidnap my child. Lol probably extreme but thats just my thought process. His sister crap talks us all the time and when his mom does hold our daughter and her child is close she will snatch her kid up and say "no we dont play with that!".