please don't judge

[allie310109]

I am so completely stressed over working so much and constantly cleaning the house and picking up after my son and boyfriend. It's becoming so exhausting lately. Has anyone else had a glass of wine or a beer during pregnancy? Baths are not really working and just need something to ease myself a little. Am I like the worst parent in the world if I have a glass??

[ele_wong]

I completely agree with specialmom. Communication is your best option to begin with.  At the end of the day the one glass of alcohol will resolve nothing. The stress will still exist and the coping mechanism to consume that drink will have vanished as anything constructive. Voicing your concerns on the other hand will at least be heard and with consistent conversations your boyfriend will eventually respond.  Being patient is probably the hardest thing to be when you feel this stressed, but it's the only thing that will truly get you through. Do what you can at a realistic value and  don't set time limits of the "now" but rather take specialmom''s advice and ask for it to be done within the day at some point. They're most likely to help out at their convenience or pace if the don't feel pressure,or "nagging" in their terms, it's common. The important thing to remember is that you're the one that can decide for yourself what's best for you, but always keep in mind that only you know what is best and most beneficial for you. Yes that one drink, cigarette, etc might not do any harm to your baby but it also might. I really don't want to sound  detrimental or preach, but you can't guarantee it'a safe, neither can BonitaMichelle and especially any doctor for that matter, because it only takes one substance to increase risks to your unborn child and then if that moment unfortunately arises  you'll always question yourself and that one time.  Are you really willing to take that risk? 50/50 chances aren't the best odds when you think about the stress this decision is even causing you. Just think about it and do your best to do what's best. Take care.

[mommyofbaby_2]

When I was pregnant with my daughter I was going threw the same thing I asked several people and my doctor if it was okay, he told me one glass of red wine is actually good for you. Everyone will have their own opinion on this topic but he told me it is good for your heart and blood and will not harm the baby.my daughter is 2 now perfectly normal and I had no delivery or pregnancy problems with her after the wine. While breastfeeding they suggest one glass of wine and if your going to drink heavy pump and dump.

[specialmom]

Most people do get advice to not have alcohol during their pregnancy and never more than one glass.  That's pretty much the standard of care and why the surgeon general of the country puts out warnings about pregnant women consuming alcohol.  

I think I'd think about the bigger picture that rockrose mentions.  HOW can you communicate to your partner that you are overwhelmed?  Because having a glass of wine to distress won't solve any problems hon.  :>)  I would work on a plan to have more help around the house.  

Now, I have two boys.  Oh my lord, I clean up and things are right back to 'messed up' in 22 seconds.  Can be frustrating.  One thing to do with a young child is to play the clean up game.  you will be AMAZED at how much they help when they think it is a game.  Turn on music and set a timer.  Everyone (and you can include your boyfriend in this too) helps clean to the music for 20 minutes every evening.  I was so surprised at how much this helped.  Everyone putting things away, putting dishes in dishwasher or unloading dishwasher (my son was about 3 when I taught him how to put the silverware away from the dishwasher!),

Any help you get, you praise and go over the top with joy to them so that they are very clear you like the help and feel appreciated doing it.  I have done this for things that clearly they SHOULD be helping with so could say "what am I thanking them for, they Should do it, but still  praised them for positive reinforcement).  

Talk to your mate too about division of labor.  You are a stay at home mom, so sadly, more work will fall on you.  That's the way it is in my house but to me I feel like it is fair because I am at home and husband leaves to earn the money.  BUT, weekends are fair game.  Husband can do some things to help out.  I'm really concise about what would help.  I don't put a time frame on it.  Like "do it now" but please do this today some time.  It gets done usually.  :>)

so, try the communication route to help with the stress before resorting to drinking hon.  Even after you have the baby, alcohol is not the greatest stress management approach.  good luck dear

[BonitaMichelle]

CAN be... lol. How much alcohol at what percent can damage the baby? No one knows. Alcohol can be tested more than drugs. Meth is less damaging than alcohol?  1 glass of wine vs 1 shot of meth a day? I will take the wine.

One glass will not harm ur baby. Infact 1 of anything will not harm your baby. 1 cigarette,  1 joint, 1 snort, 1 slice of cake.  Its a matter of preference and opinon. No right or wrong answer. Just a bunch of judgmental people.

[GPaugustbaby]

I have done drug and alcohol training as part of my job role. It can be more damaging to drink alcohol than take drugs during pregnancy.

[BonitaMichelle]

I had 2 glasses of wine last night.  I went out with my girlfriends. A few gave me a nasty look. I politely told them it was a personal choice.  All they could say is they completely understood.

You personal ob would tell you NO because of liability.  Ask an ob thats not yours and they will give you a lot of insight on pregnancy.

[qbkc]

I'm stressed by working 2 jobs and going to school while doing the cleaning by myself. Not trying to be rude but suck it up. Let's start drinking while pregnant cause we're stressed... your not the only one stressed..

[allie310109]

My boyfriends in construction so I'm sure you can imagine the clouds of dirt and grime that follow him into the house everyday but he cooks dinner for me every night so really I try not to complain but with his ADHD and my son's ADHD it can get pretty hectic around here when I feel like the only sane rational one in my home. Hoping this baby comes out cool calm and collective so mommy's not outnumbered anymore lol

[RockRose]

Well,  the flip side of this is if cleaning up after your boyfriend is driving you to drink,  it's time to get him to pick up after himself,  OR for you to relax a bit about your expectations if you're just talking about a pair of socks here or there and a dirty dish left on the coffee table.  

Best wishes.  Walking is a GREAT stress reliever,  and good for you,  especially during pregnancy.

[BabyWidmer]

Your welcome! My husband drinks not brings lol

[allie310109]

Sparkling cider actually sounds like a good idea. Thanks! My friend suggested non alcoholic beer but I always thought it still had alcohol in it so I've never looked for it. A spa day may be in my near future. Thanks guys :)

[BabyWidmer]

My husband will bring a beer or whiskey and Coke so I drink sparkling cider welshs  (no alcohol). I know it can be stressful believe me and I've been tempted but don't cave momma:) you got this!

[Moluko]

Sorry to hear about the stress. Can you think of something else to try that can relax you? How about your favorite ice cream and a good movie? Or a virgin daquiri or margarita? Chocolate? Spending a couple out hours with a good friend Who can listen to you venr? Or going to the salon to get something nice done for yourself (haircut/facial/shoulder and neck massage/pedicure/manicure)?

If you really have to drink alcohol, ask your doctor first.

[maw4389]

Ask your doctor.