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Avatar universal

Should I feel bad?

I'm 17 (18 in a couple of days) and 8 months pregnant with my first child. I have an older sister who has been married for 6 years and has been trying very hard to get pregnant. I love her a lot and we used to be very close but she has been judging me and putting me down for being pregnant at 17. I'm a full time college student with two jobs , my own car and I live on my own so I don't feel like she has the right to judge me but she just has a way of making me feel like I'll never amount to anything in life.
17 Responses
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Avatar universal
It will be hard just because it is natural to care about how a famimy member feels. Do not put your self down though. Continue doing your best because what you do know and in the future will all be for your child. Your child will grow to be a reflection of you. With family you will have great moments. So do not worry about it and push yourself to be better. You are doing well young. Take it from someone who had two kids at 15 and 16. I worked my butt off. It was hard, I was critized also, and looked down on. Now am 27 my kids are 10 and 11. Both are doing really well at school and I could not be more proud of them.:)
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973741 tn?1342342773
**  TWO s's.  (duh)
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973741 tn?1342342773
maybe you accidentally put in too s's?  :>))  

Glad everything worked out great for you and good luck with the new baby
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Avatar universal
Weird,  I don't know why that got bleeped out. It was meant to say "everyone is going to judge you for getting pregnant as a teenager"
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Avatar universal
Everyone is going to judge you for being pregnant *** a teenager mama. I got pregnant when I was 17, I'm now 27. He was born a couple months before senior year in high school was over. That fall I moved an hour away from home with my son's dad to go to college fulltime and worked two jobs. Although my son's father was there to "support" us, I still basically paid for 75% of everything, not to mention I did 95% of the parenting because he was lazy as hell and would just play video games, drink beer & sleep.  Real winner right lol. We broke up right before I graduated college, but I still got my degree after five years of school. Now my son is 9 and I have a 2.5 year old daughter and a baby due in August with my boyfriend of 5 years. Needless to say, I still get judged for being a young mom even after what I've accomplished. I'm an engineer, so I work with a bunch of conservative old guys for the most part. Whenever I say I have a 9 year old they give me a sideways look. I also get chastised all the time for not being married to my current bf. I catch them looking at my belly, then looking at my lefthand to see if I'm wearing a ring, its ridiculous. Long story short, no matter what you do, somebody is going to have something negative to say. All you can do is tune them out and do what's best for your family. My 9 year old son tells me all the time he's going to be a scientist, and that kid reads books for hours. I know I've taught him well regardless of my age when I had him.  He's the sweetest most caring kid I know. So bottom line, your sister doesn't want to see you struggle, because a good number of young moms drop out of college because it's extremely hard to find time to study and be a mom. All I can say is push yourself to get through it. My bf & I just built a brand new house, we'll be adding the new baby in august and life is good. There is no way I could have made this life for me & my family had I not finished school. So I think that's all your sister wants to see for you as well is to have a good life. Hope my story helped and didn't just put you to sleep lol
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Avatar universal
Until you've been through infertility you have absolutely no idea what your sister is going through. Maybe it was easy for you to get pregnant and stay that way and it must hurt her desperately to see that when she has been trying for her own for so long. She's grieving right now. She may be grieving for many more years for the babies she hasn't been able to have. Take it easy on her. She's not an awful person just because she's hurting and letting it show. Give her a break. I get that it hurts you and I'm sorry that she hasn't been able to find a way to express herself better. I'm going to guess that it's not intentionally pure judgment or jealousy - at least not in the old "sibling rivalry" type of jealousy. It isn't that simple. She might just need space to work through her grief on her own time.
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973741 tn?1342342773
And this isn't a comparison about young teen moms verses older moms.  Everyone does the best they can.  I think the argument can be made about adults who are financially independent verses those who are working to get in that position and how a baby would fit into their lives.  But that has nothing to do with how well someone will love their baby.  good luck
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973741 tn?1342342773
Feeling bad and having empathy and being sensitive are two different things.  I think you should be sensitive to a difficult subject in her life and supportive to her even if she doesn't always show you her best self as she struggles with infertility (which is very emotional).  That doesn't mean you should feel bad about your pregnancy though.  Enjoy that while being sensitive and empathetic to her.  good luck
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Avatar universal
Hey now, I'm only 15 and I'm pregnant. Its very sad that I'm so young, and I get crap about it everyday. But I am still going to school, I'm still busting my butt off and doing everything AND the dad left me so. Girl. She shouldn't be bringing you down she should be bringing you up. Age doesn't matter. I've seen 17 year olds be better moms then 35 year olds!
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Avatar universal
My sister is 7 years older than me and has been struggling to get pregnant too, and I'm on my second so I do think jealousy comes into play a lot, so I just ignore it the best I can and try to remind myself that she can't help feeling that way.
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Avatar universal
She's just putting you down and judging you because your having a baby and she's jealous because she can't have one
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Avatar universal
Try not to let it get to you. I know that's easier said than done bc my sister is pretty negative towards my pregnancy as well and I rarely even talk to her but it still bothers me at times. Just keep doing what you're doing for yourself and baby and prove her wrong. :-)
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Avatar universal
Doesn't mean she can't either. Honestly she's probably just upset that your pregnant and she's not. When people have a hard time getting pregnant they sometimes project how they are feeling so they dont have to feel bad alone.
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11803947 tn?1430842645
She's prob feeling jealous. Don't let anyone put you down. Seems like you are a hard worker and have your things straight. Don't worry about what others think. Do what you do and keep your head up. There's so many people that talk trash bbecause they don't have the life they want. You will be just fine :) !
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Avatar universal
No, you shouldn't feel bad. At least you go to school, work and have everything your baby will need when she gets here. For a 17 year old you are doing a GREAT job and keep it up.  Continue doing what you are doing honey and don't let anyone at all put you down.  I just turned 18 also and I'm basically going through the same thing,  I go to college and have 2 jobs and I guess that's something we just have to put behind us and move forward..  I'm very proud of you as long as your baby is healthy and doing well nothing else matters
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Avatar universal
I agree
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Avatar universal
She can judge you if she wants to. It shouldn't change your life.

It is harder to have a better life when you're a teen mom. Doesn't mean you cant do it.
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