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Avatar universal

Working husband

So im just curious on your opinions. my friends husband works every morning cleaning pools really early And long hours. My friend doesn't work. She had her baby due to preeclampsia at 34w via csection. She complains to me that her husband won't wake up in the night to help her and I told her she should understand since he works all day to provide for them and needs his sleep. Or do you think he should help more even though he works early? After all she did have a csection too. Opinions please bc my fiancé agrees that he should sleep lol and that scares me haha
15 Responses
Avatar universal
Part of being a parent is waking up whenever the child needs to be cared for even if you have to be up early he should be helping her especially since she had a c-section bc she needs her rest to care for baby while he is working nd to help heal from the c-section. Not to be rude but oh well if he has to wake up early he cleans swimming pools it really can't be here that difficult to clean pools being tired. It is however exhausting having to get up a thousand times a night to Cate for a child nd then have to take care of child on little to no sleep without any help while also trying to heal after surgery. Just my opinion
Avatar universal
If she is a stay at home mom than that's her job. But one or two nights a week helping out once during the night won't kill him. Although he damn sure better help after work if he can't at night
5727805 tn?1378193052
It depends on the situation.  If she was sore from c section or there was a poop explosion or something  haha then he should help. I had to pump for 1 month due to my son having a tongue tie so my husband would wake up and hold the baby while I pumped. And back then he was working on a dairy farm and had to leave at 4am! Dads have responsibilities too!
11361691 tn?1433948582
I agree that he should help but at night he gets to sleep. Mom's can nap withen baby throughout the day and dad can't nurse the baby so why make him get up? My husband works an office job. Easy. If I need help I can totally wake him up and get the help I need but if I can sneak out and take care of my son while he sleeps, that's my first choice. I didn't have a c section so I don't know what that recovery is like but as soon as she is healed up, he should get his sleep.
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
I'm sort of in the same boat as your friend. My husband gets up early goes to work and right now, I am staying at home (lo is 7 weeks). At the beginning I did everything sort of felt it was my job considering he was working all day. What I realized is I work all day too! Between taking care of baby and house it is a job! The pay is great, for lo looks at me like I'm his hero! Communication is key. I had a conversation with hubby and just got everything out in the open. Now he wakes up at night and changes Jack and I feed him. If it is a fussy night, we take turns. Momma needs rest too. She cannot be Wonder Woman, I have tried.
Avatar universal
Personally i think that both parents are equally as responsible for the upbringing of their child, irrespective of whether one works and one stays at home. Mum has carried the child for 9 months and as result had a c-section, dad has worked his backside off providing for the expanding family, both are bound to be exhausted, but should there be a question as to who gets up during the night? Ultimately i think if you're awake or awoken by a crying baby, it is your duty to nurse it, sleep deprived or not, exhausted from work or suffering major surgery; we all go into parenthood knowing what to expect. Having a baby is no walk in the park, if it was they wouldn't give us 9 months to prepare for it
Avatar universal
My husband helped a lot in the night for a few weeks after our first baby was born. I had a 4th degree episiotomy and was so sore I could hardly get in and out of bed so I needed his help. Our second baby screamed all night for months and my husband helped some with him when I got super frustrated and couldn't do anything. I don't wake him if its something I can do but if I really need help or am super frustrated or tired then I wake him. Stay at home moms work too. My husband stayed ho for a week after our second was born and he said I work harder than him and he was ready to go back to work so he could have a break.
Avatar universal
Your job is to take care of the baby as a stay at home mom. My husband was in prison when I had our first child so I did everything myself including cutting postpartum time in half and went back to work in 2 weeks After a vaginal birth of course. But I had nights with no sleep and work in the morning. I also have 2 son's so I was busy. Your job is to stay home his job is to work n provide.
5098230 tn?1430974779
As a stay at home mom going on three kids I would say your husband/boyfriend still needs to help. My husband works 40+ hours a week and can still manage to take care of our family when I need time to myself. Just because a guy works at an actual job that pays DOES NOT mean he can slack off and get lazy at home with his family. Being a stay at home mom is EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY tiring. But you need to try to communicate with him because this kind of conversation can cause problems. And no one should ever say "ITS YOUR JOB".
Avatar universal
You really can't judge I guess. My husband works 6 days a week, up at 4am, home at 7pm in a high stress job (60 to 80hours a week). He still spends time with the kids and helps put them to bed. There's no bloody way I'd ask him to wake up at night! But he always takes the first 3 weeks off when baby is born so he helps with the hardest part when I'm healing. But when he's working, no. He needs his sleep at night. (plus I breastfed, so there was very little he could do to help at night anyway)
But that's our situation. He helps where he can. Other's husbands might have easier jobs and be able to help at night, and that's great!
Avatar universal
I see both sides, oh and cleaning pools is not easy and u should only comment on someone else's job s difficulty if u have done that work before.
He needs sleep to work where mom's can sleep when baby sleeps bit if mom  needs help or needs sometime to herself a bath etc then that does not exclude him.
Me and my husband who is a stay at home dad does the night care with occasional help from me during the week and I do the work on the weekends with a little of his help. It is a two way street and everyone is tired and everyone needs sleep come to a compromise that works for u and your family. Also just so u know I was a very young mother and did it all on my own will going to college etc, I was very tired but it has to get done no matter what. I HAVE A 20 YEAR OLD AND NOW A 4 YEAR OLD AND THEIR DAD HAS BEEN INVOLVED AND WILL BE THE STAY AT HOME PARENT AFTER THIS BABY IS BORN. I do not expect dinner when I get home house cleaned although it is but I do need time to unwind from work change etc. Then I am on duty till bedtime then he takes over and it works.
Good luck talk to your husband and find a solution  that works for u both. Remember yes u r both parents but need help on both sides not just the mother. I am sure he will understand and I am sure he wants to spend time with his child when he gets home
14346590 tn?1451854557
Honestly I've always believed its both parents job whether they work
14346590 tn?1451854557
Honestly I think its both parents job whether you work or not! If a mother works she still has to take care of her children even if she's tired from work! I've known lots moms who couldn't afford to stay home so they worked and still got up at night with the baby.so why shouldn't a father do the same? I will say that I wouldn't constantly be waking him up and I would try to be considerate of his sleep since he works but being a stay at home mother is a job especially when your still recovering yourself! My husband has always said "we both took part in having this baby so why should you have to do everything" and I have always respected him for that I've never had to ask him or beg him for help.  Men tend to think that caring for the baby is mommy's job until they get ready to do it or that mom is supposed to be the only one getting up feeding baby and changing diapers.
Avatar universal
Honestly when my son is born, I will be a stay at home Mom and I don't expect my boyfriend to get up in the middle of the night. He works from 4am to god knows when. I will be breast feeding anyway, so its not like he could do much anyway. I do expect him to spend time with me and the baby especially on the weekends but as for caring for the child in the middle of the night, that's what I'm going to be doing every night. He'll help when I absolutely need him to.
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