choosing a last name (unmarried)

[jensaarai]

Before we knew the sex of our daughter, we were discussing baby names with a group of friends. I suggested that a girls name would be more difficult due to the fact that my bf is the fifth with his name and our son would most likely be the sixth. he said not really bc the child would be illegitimate and later explained that out didn't feel right to give the family name to a *******.

My parents were together for over 20 years but never married and had 7 kids together (none with anyone else). I assumed my children would be given their father's name. My bf and i are both previously divorced - i know he wants to get married but i do not and I've told him so and why multiple times. I would not begrudge him leaving to find someone who would marry him.

Anyway, calling my child -his child -a ******* in this day and age caught me by a great bit of shock especially since we've been together for half a decade. I thought before this that he was joking when he said she was potentially his. and have told him that she doesn't have to be his if he doesn't want her.

Many discussions later he said that of course the baby would have his last name, just not his first and middle. but i no longer feel comfortable with that.  He retorts that he doesn't feel comfortable having achild out of wedlock. according to friends of his who have had kids, fathers in il get screwed when it comes to child support and custody. and his mother tells him that even if i don't sue for child  support, our daughter can sure him for eighteen years of back pay once she's an adult. i don't really know how true that is, especially if he's living with us.

i did some research and it seems that mother's with different last names than their kids have trouble with school and doctors. So i guess if you've read any of this, I'm looking for advice - will it be okay if i give her his last name or should i be safe rather than sorry and give her mine?

[livylaine]

My dad never really cared about me so my mom gave me her last name. First it means a lot more to me because my mom has truly always cared and I love having her last name. Second it might make it easier for you with school and doctors! :)

[jensaarai]

After a long terrible discussion about trust and paternity tests I've decided to give her my last name.

He also keeps asking if I'm sure about her first name but he's the one who picked it. i don't think he really thought I'd agree to it.
I don't want him to hate her name but i think i might just have to take over this naming business.

[koyama83]

It sounds like he is throwing a fit, testing to get you to agree to marriage.
I do not have any trouble with my kids at school or the doctor, my daughter has her father's last name and my a on and I share my ex husbands last name (his father).
I have been told that I can sue my father for 18 years of child support butI have never looked into that so I'm nor sure if it's true and it might vary from state to state.

[ladysamwise]

Technically you don't have to give your child any family name, you could make one up if you want. There is no reason for someone to call your child anything other than the name you choose. If you have a son and name him after the father then that is great. Many mothers do not have the same last name as their child for many reasons. My sister plans on marrying but not changing her name, and she plans on giving her kids the father's last name. So she would she have her maiden name. I work as a school bus driver in my district, I never assume that the kids will have the same last name as a parent.

[missy_100]

Its really not uncommon anymore for the mother to have a different last night name.   It used to be a pain in the but but now all you technically need is the health card and birth certificate and you'll be fine.  My children have their dad last name  (all 3 same dad) but not mine.   We plan on getting married but i don't want a super cheap wedding so we are just waiting to save.  Anyways moral of my story is,  you should be fine with different last name since its really the normal now adays.

[jensaarai]

Even with his complaints baby probably still would have had his name if it were a boy. Everyone would have assumed bc he's #5 abd his family would have talked him into it. since its a girl i dont feel as obligated, and i feel like this might be a bad start for teaching her what kind of attitudes/language to put up with in a partner. But then again I've got ask these emotions and I'm not really sure if that's how i feel or how my mom feels talking there.

[jensaarai]

Ok. That's good to know. I guess I'll just have to decide whether I'm willing to let him get away with that attitude or willing to get a whole bunch more from his whole family if i give her my name.

It doesn't help that he's getting more on my nerves the bigger i get - I'm not entirely sure that's his fault tho. I get pretty surly when I'm uncomfortable...

[BonitaMichelle]

Doctors/school shouldn't be considered in your decision on choosing a last name.

Im a firm believer the 1st born son should carry the father's name. Tough when the father doesn't agree

[qbkc]

My mom has a different last name then my older sisters and she never had any problems

[Lacii15]

I also had no trouble enrolling him into preschool.

[my_babies_10]

Idk do wateva u want it's yo babu

[Lacii15]

You are safe. I was single when I had my first child. The father was a jerk. And my father is also a jerk and I have his last name. I didn't want to give my son either last name. So I gave him my mothers maiden name. I haven't had any trouble with doctors or anything at all yet and he's 4. I was only asked about his last name once by a friend because she didn't understand where it came from. You will be safe with whatever you choose.