divorced parents advice

[jen0221]

I have been with my husband for almost 7 years, married over 6. We have 2 boys together and are expecting a baby girl in July. Lately he acts like I do nothing but make him miserable and had even written down that I make him hate himself along with some other things. I don't want to do that to him nor do I want him to hate himself because of me. He rarely has things to add to our conversations and it seems I'm the only one doing the talking. He used to take lunches and we would talk almost the whole time. Now he doesn't take lunches since he can eat any time he wants, but that means he has to call me while he is working. It would be fine if he could take 5-10 minutes and just talk, but he is always distracted with something and never pays full attention to me, resulting in multiple prolonged, awkward silences. That usually goes on until I finally say I will just let him go. Yet he will call his mom and talk to her sometimes multiple times a day for 15-20 minutes!!! I feel at this point that divorce may be on the horizon. My question to divorced parents is how did you know it was time to call a quits? How did you know it wasn't something that could be worked out? And how did you manage to bring up the conversation? Also, if we did get divorced I would have to move back to the original area we moved from, which is about 2 hours away. How does long distance co-parenting work? I feel so lost and don't really have anyone to turn to for advice.

[jen0221]

I hope he doesn't mean it. Words still hurt though. Thanks everyone for your support :)

[BonitaMichelle]

Thats a horrible thing for your husband to say.  Im not justifing his behavior but I dont think he means that.  He just sounds like he feels suffocated and stressed.  He needs to find a healthy way to relieve his stress.  And talking to you wont help.

It s ucks he's saying this to you at whats suppose to be a joyous time.  It doesnt sound like he really means it.

[honkaaa]

Try to let it go for now, just wait till you have the baby and just see where you guys at than,  try not to make any decisions while pregnant,  and don't stress to much

[su3ad89]

Wow, that he feels ur making him hate himself is quite a big deal and for u to feel the way u feel I dnt think is just hormones cuz I dnt think any wife would want to hear that pregnant or not. To me it seems theres a bigger underlying issue and both of u need to sit down and camly talk about how u both feel and why u feel this way and how u both can  make things work. Dont jump into wanting divorce just yet because wanting a divorce might be because of ur hormones. And frankly thats the easy way out. Both of you need to work on this relationship and also compromise. If then after baby is born things havent gotten any better then ask urself if this relationship is worth saving because then u would have a clearer mind. However this is just advice its completely up to u what u chose to do, I hope things work out for u and ur family

[Brockbabynumber1]

I strongly recommend counseling but, try searching for someone with experience with the Gottman institute so you know you're getting someone credible. You can also look up some quick use techniques through Googling The Gottman institute strategies.

[jen0221]

I've tried talking to my husband about it, but it usually ends up in a fight. I don't really have anyone to turn to for advice. That's why I wanted to ask here. I agree it isn't the best decision to make while pregnant, but lately we fight more often than not and when we're not actively fighting, it's that awkward feeling you get right after a fight when you are trying to make up. I know he is miserable, and quite honestly I am too.

[babyaug15]

If you feel their is a distance then talk to him about it. Does he know how you feel? Its tough...and dont blame it on just hormones. I say work on it and see what happens

[hippiemama1]

My fiancé and I just went through a rough patch, similar to this. A lot of it is hormones and that's what I think you may be dealing with. Find someone you can talk to because that will definitely help. Try talking to your husband about it too. Don't make such a big, heavy decision while your hormones are all over the place. Maybe look into counseling. Best wishes!

[jen0221]

It's not just that. There is so much more to it than just that. Too much to type on my phone. That was just the tip of the iceburg. I agree it could just be hormones, but when he tells me that I make him miserable and writes about how much I make him hate himself, it's hard to believe it is all hormones.

[BonitaMichelle]

Sounds like the pregnancy hormones are kicking in.  Not talking for 2hrs a day shouldn't end in divorce.   You hubby sounds like he is stressed and needs some time to himself.  Suggest he take up a hobby or go out with his friends.

Please dont jump right to divorce,  especially when your hormones are crazy.  It will be ok.