nicotine patch

[Enacamel123]

I'm on the nicoderm cq patch. It works great for my physical cravings. I still have to work thru my mental cravings.  My husband's a smoker. He's supposed to be doing the nicotine lozenges while I'm doing the patch. So he tried the lozenges on day one and since then has continually smoked. It's hard to be around him. I'm angry that he's not putting in any effort. This nicotine replacement thing is just kne of the many many things weighing on our marriage. i don't know if I'm overreacting by getting so upset that he's NOT trying to quit. I smell the smoke in him and it makes me want to smoke. He's also had a very strong addiction to other women for the past 3 years and I'm tired of the selfishness of his actions. I'm tired of everything. I'm more so venting. Not asking a question. I'm sick of always being last on his priorities. I have so much on my mind lately that I'm starting to not give a hoot as to what he chooses to do anymore. Im pregnant with our 5th baby in 5 years. My body is so very exhausted. This I've decided is our last baby. I most often feel overwhelmed, I'm a stay at home mom. My husband and I haven't been out on a date since March 1st. I'm serious. We haven't been oout since then. I don't leave the house. Even to go grocery shopping  due to my husband buying a car recently that doesn't seat all of us. This frustrates me alot as well. We don't use babysitters. I don't trust anyone with our kids. The world's going to hell very quickly. I recently went to the dentist and they found a dark spot on the roof of my mouth. Now j have to see an oral surgeon in January for possible oral cancer. I'm scared. I'm due February 6th. I never carry full term. I always deliver in between 36 and 38 weeks. So I'm probably going to have the baby mid January. I'm anxious about the labor because its my 5th and I'm worried about complications. Then my husband won't kick his physical addiction to women, to cigarettes, he isn't home much. He's always working. I'm tired. I find comfort in my kiddos in the same sense they don't fully understand to keep the house clean. I've been trying to nest and omg that's nearly impossible for me at this point. I get one freaking room clean and within 30 minutes its wrecked. But in their defense they're so young and don't understand. I've tried bringing God into my marriage. I gave up after my husband wouldn't let go of the porn. I feel ugly and I know that God made me perfect and that when I die Jesus won't be looking at me saying hey your a little chunky. It's just that I'd like my husband to find some beauty in me. I gave my body up for my kids. My stretch marks I earned. But I also feel so self conscious about them. I'm 33 weeks. In 3 days I'll be 34 weeks and I'm so nervous as we get closer to meeting our new baby. We have no family to help out with babysitting. Most mine lives out of state. His side of the family is angry that we had our 5th. His mom was telling him to force me to get an abortion. And said we need to learn how to not get pregnant. I know obviously what comes from sex. I love baby's. I love my kids. They are why I'm here. I strongly believe that I'm also very strongly against abortion and so is my husband. It's just so hard not having help and then having so much to deal with on top of the fact that I feel I've lost my companion, my husband, my flesh to worldy desires. I feel my husband is so very much of the world and I love him dearly. You can't force God at people because that turns them away from God. So I gently mention God in conversation. the oral cancer thing I've been trying not to focus on.  I want to raise my kids. I want to watch them grow up. Im scared I won't. I feel I'm not ready to go. I want to be closer to God before I go. Sorry this is so long and it could be  longer. Just really needed a good vent.  

[Enacamel123]

Yes. he'sstruggling.  Nicotine is the worst.

[jasmine1670]

Awwww honey I am so sorry! You are in a very unfair situation. I will be praying for you. Have you talked to your husband about him not quitting and the fact that it makes you want to smoke when you smell smoke on him?