sad :-(

[myeverything]

So my husband has 2 kids from a
previous relationship but there grandma has custody of them but its so much drama with there grandma she acts like a little girl very  childish  when it comes to my husband seeing them i am 8 months pregnant and i am just so tired of the drama  and i don't want that negative stuff around my baby girl  

[GxoK]

Omg I hate my phone. Sorry again. ....no matter what we do, as the step parent, things end up being our fault.

[GxoK]

So do I. Nothing ever is....bc no matter what we do, as the step parent,

[3rdNdone]

No I seriously wish it were that simple sometimes.

[GxoK]

(Sorry) emotionally taxing situation then y does it make us the bad guys to take it upon ourselves to save our sanity, deplete our stress factor and b as comfortable as we can in our own house and family while still allowing him to do what he needs or wants to do with HIS children. Sometimes, the whole step thing just gets that bad and no matter how nice and accepting we r, we still get spit on and no one but us cares.

[GxoK]

My statement was not meant to sound simple. Obviously, it is not even close to a simple situation or a simple solution. But from personal experience, if it comes down to that, what other choice r we left with? When it comes to compromise at the expenseof our sanity, we lose, the husband lloses and the family we r trying so desperately to have loses. Talking doesn't always fix anything, especially in an already biased situation and especially when that husband, (the one person who should b standing up for u, demanding respect from his children for u bc u r his wife regardless of anything else no matter how anyone else feels), is manipulated based on a desire for nobility and blatently allows desterioration of the love he swore to protect. It's not simple but he can't compromise and respect her desire to remain aloof and separated from a mentally and emotion

[myeverything]

Natste~ thank you so much I really appreciate your help have a great day=)

[natste]

All you can do is be there for him, be open and willing but you do not on the other hand have to be stressed about something that's out of your control because once this baby comes and you are deprived of sleep you will be telling this granny a few home truths and quite frankly you won't be able to see anything but your daughter so all you can do as a good partner and step mom is be their for and support your partner and you will sleep with a clear conscience :-)

[myeverything]

Leeshamiranda ~ thank you for sharing your story I really appreciate it no I have nothing against the kids and  I would never be a person to be mean to the kids cuz I know its not the kids fault I am the one who went with my husband to get custody of those kids on the weekend I feel bad for the kids not having a mother and that's why I try my best to be there for them when they need to talk or when theyneed to do their homework but the grandma is the problem

[LeeshaMiranda]

SO, some people might think this is harsh, but I think it needs to be said. I grew up with a stepmother who didn't want me or my sister around, but it wasn't our fault that she had her first child two years after my sister was born with a guy she barely knew. However, she did know that he had two kids he was paying child support for and had rights for visitation every other weekend. Yet, she complained about us taking her money. My dad didn't even take us every other weekend! He moved out of state when I was in middle school and I only saw him every few years or so when he showed up at his family's Christmas. Thankfully, my grandparents cared enough to want to see us regularly. I saw my dad for the first time in five years this past Christmas & he met my (at the time 4 month old) daughter for the first time. I haven't gotten even a card from him in nearly 15 years.
That being said, I think your husband is doing his job as a father the best he can to these boys just by trying to be apart of their lives and it seems like the grandma really is the problem. You have to remember that kids are pliable, and they're with her all the time. Believe me, I know. My half sister said some pretty mean stuff to us when we were little and we are just now trying to mend our relationship now that she has started college. I'm just saying that if it's stressing you out that much, make sure you have no contact with their grandmother. As their father, your husband can tell the kids not to talk about her while they're at your house. Just don't end up as the evil step mom years down the road because you think your kid is more important than all of his kids. You married him and knew he had baggage. This is my perspective as a 25 year old woman who still can't forgive her father for abandoning her for another family. I'm not saying you are anything like my step mom was, but maybe it would be better to get some legal help rather than writing the kids off. Maybe they really need a better home life and maybe that's with you, their dad, little sister  and any other future siblings. I really do hope something works out for all of you.

[myeverything]

Natste~ thank you we already went to court we don't have much money grandma has a lot of money so she hired a lawyer it's really complicated and I just want to say thank you and it wasn't this bad before I got pregnant now that I'm pregnant this is how it is she's causing more drama cuz of my pregnancy
like I said shes childish and like my mother in law said people like that have problems that cannot be fixed

[myeverything]

Amandapanda ~thank you =).

[AmandaPanda85]

Yeah, the grandmother sounds so spiteful. I hope the grandmother realizes bad mouthing their dad or even you is horrible. Hopefully your husband talks to the oldest about him being disrespectful to you. It's so unfortunate for the kids. But as long as you've put your effort and your husband knows that then that's all you can. Stay away from the grandmother and hopefully the oldest kid has a different attitude when he comes around. And if it doesn't change I don't blame you for not being around them at that time. Good luck :)

[natste]

Unfortunately you are now part of the drama in the sense that you should stick by him, of course he wants his 'other' children to stay over put yourself in his shoes maybe he needs to take this more seriously and go down the court route he is their father that means he has got an obligation to be there 100% for them or else he failed as a father really you haven't given much information on why these children are not with their parents in the first place so I can only comment on what you have said but if you didn't want drama around your baby maybe you should of got the drama out of the way before becoming pregnant, I feel bad for the kids.

[myeverything]

thank you to everybody on here I really appreciate it=)

[myeverything]

Shanni ~ yes it is and I completely agree with you and that's why in a way I don't want my daughter hearing  none of that she's my everything I love her so much and I don't want no negativity around her

[myeverything]

3rdNdone~ thank you very much and congratulations to you too :-)

[Shannir]

I would discuss with your husband about trying for custody. I think all hostility is bad for children.

[myeverything]

Amandapanda 85 ~ also the grandama  doesn't want the kids around me too she told them stuff and the oldest one is really mean and disrespectful to me but I don't say anything i do cry a lot that's why I need to stay strong and not get involved

[myeverything]

Amandapanda85 ~ thank you first of all and it's not about the kids like I said before the little ones really attached to me and I  wouldtake him everywhere but the grandma is making a lot of problems for me aand stressing me out while I'm pregnant and I need to think about my baby

[3rdNdone]

I get it. My children come first too. I wish things could be simpler for us both.  Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything works out.

[AmandaPanda85]

I don't think you should be distancing yourself from his kids. The grandmother yes its drama and you don't need that. But it's not really the kids fault. I think you should be supportive from afar and maybe try to include yourself with things to do with his kids when they are visiting as well. You did know he had children before so you basiclly accepted that fact. The kids are going to be your child's siblings as well. So why not try to form your own bond with them together as a family. They don't get to see that by living with the grandmother.

[myeverything]

Katiebby0315~ yes it's really hard and complicated but we just have to stay strong keep your head up in a smile on her face

[myeverything]

Yarysilvas ~ thank you that's exactly what I'm going to do

[myeverything]

3rdNdone~i want to say thank you I really appreciate your advice but I have tried everything we used to have custody of the boys every weekend and it would just be drama drama drama I would never understand whyther grandma is so childish she acts like she's a little girl but what can I do I can't change her and I try to talk aboutand really understand and I really hate me because the little is Warren he's really attached to me and I would help him do his homework and you know take him out but I can't stress myself out I need to think about my daughter and worried about her cuz she comes first and not all this drama with my husband and kids and there grandma ..thank u again  :-)