If you're a good cook, you could make her some freezer meals, that's a long drive and I doubt she's in much of a cooking mood. I'm not sure really...if she needs to get shopping done, offer to take her, to do it for her...as for sayings I really don't know on that one. My little guy was only in the nursery the first 24 hours, so I didn't run into that problem. It would be funny to me, but "they're not even two yet and already causing trouble", or "they're using up their hospital time now, no more ever" I'd joke around and say stuff like that to Elijah when he was a couple months old and I'd take him to the hospital with a fever. Like I said I would think it's funny, but maybe not her. I never know what to say in bad times, my friend recently had a miscarriage and I barely said anything to her...I just didn't know what to say. Ask her how she's doing, and if she brings up the babies (I'm sure she will), if she says they're doing good that's a perfect opportunity to throw in something good about it, or just tell her everyday they'll get stronger. I hope I've helped some...
OH! If she doesn't have her baby clothes washed, or everything set up ask if she needs a hand, I know since she's the mom she might want to do it all, but she may be happy you thought of it and suggested it.
go to the premature babies forum and ask those ladies...im sure they will have some really good advice for you!
in the meantime ill be praying for your friends twins thats scary to think about since im 27 weeks next month! i cant imagine having him right now.
I'm so sorry that your friend is going through this. I hope that her babies are doing well. I had my dd at 30 weeks and was trying to think of what I needed most during her NICU stay. To tell you the truth I think it was just someone to talk to. Someone who seemed interested in what was going on with her, who would ask about her and listen while I shared the happy and scary experiences.
I also found some good suggestions on how to help premie moms on the internet... here is what I found:
Parents of preemies are under an amazing amount of stress, and the earlier the baby is born, the higher the stress and worry level. Any help or support you can offer, will be met with great appreciation.
Preemie parents want, and need, to spend as much time at the hospital with their little miracle as possible. The more time parents and baby can spend together, in most cases, the better the baby will do. A preemie mom usually endures great amounts of guilt over her baby's prematurity. Being able to spend as much time as possible caring for the baby can not only help ease those feelings somewhat, but can have great impact on the mom's milk supply, as she will most likely be pumping breast milk to nourish her baby. I can tell you from experience, that exclusively pumping is no easy task. When you deliver prematurely, your body isn't quite ready to produce milk, yet you have to force it into production, by pumping every two to three hours. Holding and touching your baby releases hormones that help milk production.
Here are a few ideas of things that can be really helpful for preemie parents.
* Prepare meals for them that are quick and easy to heat up. They'll probably be eating on the go a lot, but it's nice to have a real meal too.
* Offer to do errands, like grocery shopping, and even helping with housework and yard work.
* If they have other children, it can be difficult for them to spend as much time as they would like at the hospital, so offering to care for their other children would be a great help.
* Many times, preemies are cared for at hospitals that are quite a distance from where the parents live, making it almost impossible for much visitation. Taking up a collection among friends, or even at church, to be able to provide a hotel room for a few nights near the hospital would be an amazing gift.
* Provide gift cards to a gas station, Starbucks, or even restaurants near the hospital, to help offset some of their expenses.
One of the biggest ways to support a preemie mom, or even dad, is to ask about the baby. They are new parents, and like anyone with a new baby, they want to talk about him. They want to brag about the fact that he finally opened his eyes, or that she cried for the first time. Don't be afraid to ask about the baby. When #3 was born, nobody asked about him. It felt like no one wanted to acknowledge his existence. I was desperate to tell people about my new baby- he was my first after all. I wanted to brag about him, just like any other new mommy.
When the baby finally comes home from the hospital, the parents may still need support and help. The baby may require lots of extra care. There may be several doctor appointments per week, so offering to help with older kids on those days would help alleviate stress.
When the baby comes home from the hospital, the parents may seem "over-protective" about germs, people touching the baby, or taking the baby out in public. They may even ask you to wash your hands, and use hand sanitizer when you come for a visit. They may not allow young children, or anyone with a cough to come visit. PLEASE support them. It may seem silly to you, but they just spent weeks, or even months, at the hospital, hoping and praying that their baby would survive. They are still very nervous about something happening to their baby. Preemies are at a very high risk for contracting RSV, and can die from a virus that would cause a cold in a full term baby.
There are lots of things you can do to help preemie parents, so just be creative. Also, you may have to be a bit pushy with them, and rather than asking "what can I do?" you may have to just tell them "I'm going to xyz..." They may feel like they don't want to burden the people around them by asking for help, but they need the help and support you can offer.
I wish you and your friend and her babies the best of luck. With the technology available now there are a lot of 27 weekers that do wonderfully! I'm sure that she will appreciate any support that you can give during this difficult time. Sometimes its just nice to have a shoulder to cry on or an open ear.
You are a great friend. Supplying frozen meals would be great. Is your friend close to the hospital where her babies are? how about a gas card.