Daddy cop out

[hippimama2]

Here is my little story.  I have been with this guy for almost four years. We were engaged to be married have a little boy that will be two in December and I am 28 weeks pregnant now with his second child.  We had a house together and finally had the whole family under one roof (something we had been trying to do for the since our first son was born).  He began coming home in a very bad mood on a daily basis just waiting for an argument to arise.  From my side I couldn't have been happier, I had my fiance, my beautiful son and my first home. but the cussing and yelling was bringing me to tears by the end of every day and my little boy knew that it was daddy making mommy cry.   I tried to talk to him and tried to work things out to save my family as best I could, it was too much to bear.  Mid September I told him I couldn't handle the yelling and verbal abuse and he told me he didn't want to live his life miserable and he was leaving me.  While this is very hard to handle he is now pushing that i give him half custody of the kids or better yet just give him one.  I dont know what to say to him. I have never heard of just giving away one of your children. I already gave him the house, i payed for, all the furniture and everything he would need for the home and for my son.  I filled the house with groceries so my son would have everything he needed when he visits.   I need some advice.  what do I do about him wanting the kids and how can i get the point across that you don't just split the kids up.  They aren't animals for god sake.  I'm at a loss. help!

[mariiberii]

You weren't married so doubt he will get anything but small amount of visitation.

[marajean21]

If he doesn't have money to take you to court, I wouldn't even bother going. You have full custody so you don't need to file, possibly losing some of that and it being court ordered for him to see his children when one already fears him. I would either let him see his son completely supervised in a neutral setting or drop your son off for 2-3 hrs at a time if you feel its not right for his son not to see his dad. Other than that, I wouldn't do much of anything and if the father doesn't agree, he can take you to court when he finally has money but the longer it takes him to file, the worse it looks on his part. Also, just because he'd be the one filing, doesn't mean he will be granted any kind of custody just like if you file, you may lose a little because the court tries to keep both parents somewhat involved unless there's proof of an unfit parent.my ex took me to court and they told my ex straight out there's no way he's getting custody of my son and is he sure he wants to proceed..he said yes. I started tearing up and shaking my head and the judge asked what was wrong and I said I don't know why he'd say yes after being told that, but I wanted him to have the chance of going every weekend Friday at noon til Sunday at 8pm til he started school. Judge granted me that saying I was givng him a lot of time but with my other son, its been 3 years and nothing was ever filed. Now if my ex(diff guy) ever decided to, the judge is going to question why the sudden interest and most likely give him little to nothing just based on that

[PriceFamily91611]

WELL YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE COURT HOUSE OR SHERIFF OFFICE WHATEVER ITS CALLED WHERE YOU LEAVE AND SAY U WANT A RESTRANGING ORDER ON HIM FOR YOU AND YOUR SON BC HES ABUSE AND YOU FEEL IN DANGER AND THEY WILL ISSUE IT TO HIM AN HE WILL BE SERVED WITH IT, THAT WILL KEEP HIM AWAY AND HE WONT B ALLOWED AROUND U OR YOUR SON, IF YOU DONT WANT DO THAT THEN YOU GO TO THE SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT AND TELL THEM YOU WANT TO SET UP VISITATION AND CHILD SUPPORT, WHERE I LEAVE IF YOU SET UP VISITATION THEY HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT, THEY DONT PAY THEY DONT SEE THEIR KIDS, AS FAR AS HIM SHOWING UP TELL HIM HES NOT ALLOWED AT YOUR HOUSEAND IF HE DOES YOUR CALLING THE POLICE,  AND IF HE SHOWS UP CALL THE POLICE AND THE POLICE WILL TELL HIM HE CANNOT COME BACK THERE OR HE WILL BE ARREST, MY HUSBAND IS A COP!!! THATS HOW I KNOW ALL THIS AND THE ADOPTION WITH OUR DAUGHTER SO IM LEGAL SMART, IF YOU ARE SCARED OF HIM AND YOUR SON IS THEN YOU NEED TO GET A RESTRINING ORDER, THEY WILL ASK YOU HAS HE THREATENED YOU, YOU SAY YES! ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND HOW YOU FEEL EITHER WAY GO TO THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT AND START THIS ASAP!

[1sttimmommy]

im with pricefamily91611 he is abusing his son and he will end up hating his father. you should put your foot down hun don't let him yell at your son like that. my bil is like that with my nephews i hate it! but i can't say anything because they will say stuff to me not knowing anything because im a ftm. but your his mom and you need to do what's best for your kids and stand up for him.i wish i could help you more and give you info. all i can say is look online and see what your state or wherever you are laws are on child's custody.

[hippimama2]

what can i do about him just showing up?  and how long does this all take you think.. sorry i feel stupid for being so ignorant of the topic.  

[PriceFamily91611]

YA YOU NEED TO NOT LET HIM SEE HIS SON UNTIL YOU GO TO COURT THAT IS ABUSE!!! AND IF YOUR SON IS ALREADY CRYING NOT WANTING TO STAY WHEN HE GETS OLDER HE WILL HATE HIM, I SAY THIS BC I HAVE AN ADOPTED DAUGHTER THAT WILL B 8, HER REAL MOM HAS BEEN SEEING HER FOR 2 YEARS AND SHE REMEMBER CRAP FROM THE PAST, AND MAKING HER SEE HER NOW SHE HATES IT AND TELLS HER YOUR NOT MY MOM I DONT LIKE YOU, SHE TELLS ME WHEN SHES 13 SHES NOT SEEING HER ANYMORE, AND HER  REAL MOM WAS LIKE YOU EX YELLED AND CUSSED EVEN THROW THINGS AND MY DAUGHTER WOULD CRY N FEAR AND SHE REMEMBERS THAT AND SHE HATES HER FOR IT, YOU DONT WANT YOUR SON HATING HIS DAD SO ITS BEST HE NOT SEE HIM UNTIL YOU GO TO COURT AND HE CAN GET SOME HELP

[hippimama2]

he doesn't have the money to take me to court.  do you think its better if i just take him and get everything rolling so he can't take them from me?  i have full custody but i don't know anything about it or know anyone that has been through it so its new to me.  all of his friends have kids with their "baby mamas" as they put it and non of them are together so i guess he thinks its ok.  a family means no one gets left behind.  he told me he isn't bailing on the kids he is just bailing on me.

[hippimama2]

I would never separate my kids. he'll have to go to court if he thinks that would work.  I had to move into my family's house since pregnancy leave is coming up to save money.  I hate losing everything i worked so hard for but with no one to help pay bills while I'm on leave i had no choice.  now he is too broke to move out of the house and get a new place.  i dont understand guys that don't man up and take care of their families!  and as for the good father... yes my son loves him but i think its cause he fear him a bit as well.  if my toddler doesn't do exactly what his father wants he gets yelled at. which disciplining a kid is one thing.  yelling and cussing is a completely different thing all together! the poor child comes running for me and he doesn't want to stay when i drop him off for visits.  its so sad.

[1sttimmommy]

talk to him thats not a good way to raise kids. spliting them up from the other parent and from their sibling. both need both parents even it not under the same roof. good luck hun. i hope things turn up for you.

[PriceFamily91611]

I WOULDNT BE GIVING HIM ANYTHING AT ALL ESCPECIALLY NOT ONE OF YOUR KIDS, IF HE WANTS RIGHTS AT ALL THEN HE NEEDS TO TAKE YOU TO COURT AND GET IT ON PAPER. IF IT HAPPENS ANY OTHER WAY HE CAN RUN OFF WITH YOUR KIDS OR ANYTHING, DONT TRUST HIM!!!! AND YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE HOUSE, NOT HIM.

[1sttimmommy]

what the heck! never separate your kids from you. if i were you i would fight for my children until my last breath. let him get them during the weekends or even come come see them  during week days. im a strong believer the kids should stay with the mother unless she is an unfit mother.and let me get this right. you are the one that moved out of the house? girl you should have kicked him out. you are the mother and you are pregnant and most likely take care of your son. right? he might be a good father but fighting in front of your son like that that's a big no for me.