1287128 tn?1331134538

Does this count as cheating? stay or go?

Hi ladies.. been crazy with everything not been posting much but i do read up sometimes on whats going on.. anyways.. long story short.. i felt like my hubby was hiding things on his phone because he well hid his phone constantly before this phone he always had a lock on it this one you can't lock so he guarded his phone.. he's always with me basically so i didn't think he could ever physically cheat so i never made a huge issue about it just trusted him and respected his privacy.. well i started getting more suspicious maybe womans intuition or something but i cracked his e mail password and went thru it and he is obsessed with phone sex! just random girls he meets online sending naked pictures of himself and they send them to him he's been doing it since March or at least thats as far back as i can see.. i found out on friday and haven't stopped crying since.:( he does it a lot like 4-5 times a week.. i can't believe him i'm so frustrated he's just feeding me bull ish lines bout how he's sorry and blah blah
18 Responses
1287128 tn?1331134538
Sorry my phone only let me post so far.. anyways i once caught him doing this before and we seperated for 6 months because i couldn't forgive him got back together in august of 09 and he's been doing it since march of 09 probably more than that but thats when he got his black berry and for some reason when he sent picture messages it sent thru his e mail.. i dunno i'm crushed i'm relying on him finacially and we just had ethan almost 6 weeks ago. i'm torn between councilling or just giving up. what would you do? sorry i need advice!
1487690 tn?1316760585
Its not cheating but not acceptable... Worthy enough to get rid of the guy... Sorry this has to happen... First step is admitting if he cant do it and say there will be change its not worth it... Everyones deserves a second chance, buy give at ur own risk if you think it can happen I mean the change. The chance can be given. What are you thinking? First thought leave him?
Avatar universal
I had a problem with my bf doing this for the first year we were together, i finally found out about it by going through his fone and i flipped. He promised he wasn't doing anything blah blah, and said he did it because it helped him not to physically cheat, that he was good at cheating and he wanted to be with me.. well were still together, and as far as i know he doesn't do it anymore, i think he just wasnt used to being with someone.. idk.. i hope you figure it out and im wishing you good luck and a clear mind. Just remember to not make a decision while mad.
1487690 tn?1316760585
O well as I read the rest I say YOU DESERVR TO BE HAPPY! No deservesss to  be treated like that!!! Gave him another chance sorry to say but he dony care very much he knows that youll take him back so he keeps doing it... Love does horrible thigs to you, but thats not love... If you,stay with him. Put your foot down... He either packs his **** or gets his **** straightt
1487690 tn?1316760585
Sry so straight forward.... Men are cruel, woman deserve the world...im young but I was mistreated for 3 years and learned young Nd the hard way.... It ***** but the deed needs to be done.
1399033 tn?1449587779
Physically, no it's not. However, emotionally, YES. He's your husband and is supposed to love you and have those eyes for you and only you. If a man looks at another woman with lust he has already committed adultry in his heart. He knows what lures women in and sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this. Whether you believe this or not, you deserve the best but also the baby you just had or any others you have, I don't know your story, deserve better too. The times he is sending those pictures and meeting women online, he should be spending it with the little one and you.

Now I know this must be so stressful and I hope none of what I've said has offended you in anyway. I also want to point out that a man talking to women online secretly could potentially turn into physical cheating. I hope things get better for you and your family.

Stay strong through this and I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs to fight this off. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
1420648 tn?1295809833
I went through this with my ex but I finished with him, he started off with random girls on the Internet and at first I looked the other way. He then started with girls I worked with n he works with also Its not a good thing.. To me it didn't matter that it wasn't physical it hurt me just the same. I wouldn't believe him if he says he'll not do it again I learnt that stupid mistake n put up with him for 2 years when I could have been happy n with someone who respected me n loved me enough not to find that "sexual excitement" anywhere else.

But on the other hand you 2 have a new born baby n the only way me and my ex where tied was living together so it's a hard choice to make, but you really need to do wars best for u xx
1271927 tn?1310580362
Technically, it's not cheating, but how hurtful! I would discuss this with him and let him know how much it hurts you. I would also suggest counciling for him as he obviously has a problem with obsession and hiding things. He knows he is doing something wrong - otherwise he wouldn't be trying to hide it.

Now, do to take into consideration the actions that have been done. Do you two as a couple allow movies, photographs, magazines and that type of activity for self or couple satisfaction? Many couples do, so he may think that what he's doing is similar. However, where his actions are different is that he is engaging with these other people and reciprocating by sending photos back. How would he feel if you were sending photos to other men? I'm sure he would not be pleased!

I think it might be fixable, but some conversation needs to happen and trust needs to be rebuilt. I hope you two are able to work it out and come to an agreement.
951898 tn?1296134343
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this...It is not fair of him to do this to you or Ethan. You both deserve better! Whether he had ill intentions or not, it is still consider cheating in my eyes...He should only look at you with those eyes...Yes men and women are going to look at other people, it is natural. But, not with lust! It is an emotional affair, I would think. And in my opinion that is worse than a physical affair...Does he say why he does this? I would tell him point blank, A. either stop immediately or B. pack his stuff and hit the road...Let him see the grass is not greener on the other side...Good luck dear
Avatar universal
I am so sorry girl! I think what he is doing is so wrong and unacceptable! I know if it were me i would leave my husband and tell him that if he wants to send naked pictures to other women or receive naked pictures of other women then by all means go ahead and get to steppin! I know easier said than done and i am sure you love him very much, so i can understand how hard this must be. I would confront him about it and ask him to stop for the sake of your marriage and your new baby. Let him know how you feel and if he doesnt change his ways, then he can pack up and get out h*ll out! Good luck and i hope everything works out!
676912 tn?1332812551
I'm so sorry! How horrible! I have very strong feelings about cheating and what a man should and should not do while with someone, or married. For example, I HATE porn with a passion. I don't believe, unless both partners are interested, that it should be a part of anyone's life if they are with another person. To me if you are with someone, the only naked person you look at IS THAT PERSON, PERIOD. No ifs, ands, or buts, one person or no person IMO. If I were in your shoes I'd tell my husband goodbye. He already knows where I stand, so I don't have to tell my DH. But IMO this is beyond unacceptable. Some people think it's ok for a married man to watch porn, even if his wife doesn't like it, but to me that's cheating. They aren't PHYSICALLY there with the woman, but they might as well be. I don't believe that looking at women naked is natural, or something every man does, and that it should just be accepted and move on.

What your husband is doing, IMO is worse than watching  porn, he's sending these women photos of him as well, you don't know what they say to each other, or if they talk, you don't know if he's making plans to meet up with any of them. I'd sit him down and tell him that he be done with this picture sh!t, or kiss his life as it is goodbye. If you don't put your foot down and tell him how it's gonna be you're only gonna let him think that he can continue or stop for a while and do it again.

Good luck, it's terrible you have to deal with this, especially since this is supposed to be such a happy time for you with the baby and all. If you need to talk you can message me any time!
1346146 tn?1299360497
First of all so sorry this is happening to you.  No one deserves it ever.I would say yes its cheating.  Anything that is hidden from you and with other people that you had no knowledge of, regardless of whether or not is physical to me is cheating.  He has already done this once now its happening again??!!  I would tell him that he either gets professional help or he can go.  If he refuses to me that just says he is not serious about change and would be a sign he needs to go. He obviously has a problem that only a professional can fix because you two separating evidentally didnt do the trick.  You should also get counciling to help you deal with the situation.  I hope things work out and good luck to you.
938326 tn?1300878804
Oh no....that is horrific. Cheating is cheating, no matter what way its done, thats the way I look at it. Sex, is sex, intimacy is intimacy in any shape or form. When that is done with another besides your wife/husband it is entering a new relationship. I cant tell you whether to stay or go, but I think that if you look into your heart you'll find your answer. I was with someone for 7 years before I finally opened my eyes to his b.s. I believed him when he said it was nothing, to find out in the end that infact the nothings were plenty (of woman). This is a hard situation, and my heart goes out to you.

Avatar universal
Sorry this is going on in ur life especially after having a baby.. But  it looks like to me he started doing this again shortly after u became pregnant with Ethan.. So maybe he wasn't ready and he turned to "porn" to cope with life. He obviously knew it was wrong and would hurt u, otherwise he woulnt have been hiding it so well... He needs help. He needs counseling, trust me. There is something wrong with him that he needs to talk to some 1 about and then things should get better.. My hubby treated me like crap always called me several names: *****, skank, lazy bi*ch and so much more.. We split many times and I would end up taking him back.. But every time we split I turned to talking to other men, I'm a very attractive women and get asked out a lot.. So I used me talking with other guys to make myself feel better bc he made me feel like sh*t. Which I know my situation is diff from yours but in a way for some reason I needed some 1 to talk to and which if I would have it wouldn't have made me do the things I did.. Although I shouldn't b with my hubby and we currently aren't together but I am 29wks prego.. But ne way my point is he has something wrong with him that he needs to cope with. So maybe he does deserve another chance.. But it will take a long time for u to trust him again.. Good luck I hope all goes well and it gets figured out to better ur relationship.
1035252 tn?1427227833
I agree with the ladies saying this is cheating. Cheating is not just sex with another person. Any time you are physically or emotionally connected in an intimate way with another person (or persons) it's cheating. By definition.

So yes. it's cheating. Luckily, he did not go out and put you and the baby at risk for STD's and STI's by PHYSICALLY cheating....but he's tearing your family apart. I would make an ultimatum and I would stick to it. "You go with me to counseling, you stop cheating on me and lying to me, or I'm gone and I'm never looking back."

You deserve better than what he's done to you. I always recommend trying to work it out when there are children involved as long as there is no serious abuse, and there is every chance in the world that he honestly did not think of it as cheating. When he is in counseling, the therapist will inform him that YES he cheated and maybe that will get through to him.

What a jerk. I am so...so sorry Rae. Message me any time you need to.
505857 tn?1329681517
This is definitely cheating how would he like it if he caught you doing the same thing as him, he'd probably knock some of the guys heads off i know my partner would.

I don't see the problem with man looking at other women and vice versa, but sexual contact whether it be texts, intimate etc and sending naked pics i'm sorry but this is deffo cheating.  As you said before he's done it to you before, he's done it again and he'll always think he can get away with it if you keep letting him back into your life.

Plenty of children have a good childhood without there parents living together, at the end of the day as long as both parents can come to some sort of agreement over access children will be happy as long as both parents are still part of there lives

you deserve a heck of a lot more from life than this lowlife of a man, pack his bags and show him that you are a stronger woman than he thinks and in a few months/ years time he'll look back at what he's missed out and not the other way round.  Good luck i wish you all the best for the future :)
676143 tn?1312941771
How horrible that you have to go through this..especially with an infant!  I agree that it is cheating, too and I also agree with the ladies who suggested counseling for the two of you and of course for the behavior to stop immediately or say goodbye to him.  Don't let him get away with this just for the sake of staying with him for your child(ren).  You'll find a way to make it without him supporting you if that is what it comes to.  You definitely deserve better than his current behavior.  It is totally inappropriate for him to be sending pictures of himself to these ladies and communicating with them the way he does.  I wish you the best and I hope he realizes how much he has hurt you.
Avatar universal
He is cheating!! I would confront him about it and tell him to pack his sh!t!! Tell him if he wants other women to go and have them. You DO NOT deserve this kind of crap! I depend on my husband financially also but if I caught him sending naked pics to girls and having phone sex with them I would tear off his nuts and send him on his way! I would never ever ever let a man treat me with such disrespect. And no matter how much he says he wont do it again he is LYING because if he did not love you enough to not do it he wont love you enough to stop. Especially if you have had problems with this in the past.
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