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Avatar universal

Has anyone had a termination after find out their baby had severe Turner's Syndrome?

I have posted this message as a comment on a different thread but i wanted to also start it as a new topic. I am not writing this to get sympathy but because i want to hear other peoples stories so that i don't feel so alone and so that i know there are others like myself and my husband. I would really appreciate hearing from any of you .
My husband and I so desperately wanted a family and had been trying for well over a year without any lucky. We were beginning to feel disheartened and thought that maybe we just couldn't conceive naturally. Then a miracle happened and i fell pregnant. Funnily enough the day i found out i was pregnant was also the day that i received a letter to say that we could now start fertility treatment. The fact that we had been trying for so long meant that our baby was all the more special to us. However, i became very ill about 3 weeks into the pregnancy and suffered from Hyperemisis. I spent the next 10 weeks being taken into hospital for days at a time to be treated. The hospital kept saying that the baby was fine and all was well. My husband and i then went for a scan and this is when we found out that actually all was not well. It was clear to us straight away before anyone said anything that something didn't look quite right on the screen. There was a huge amount of fluid around the head and stomach. We were told straight away that this pregnancy was highly unlikely to go full term or even another week and that our baby was very sick. We were referred to a specialist who did a CVS to confirm if it was Turners and we were told that our little baby would be lucky to have a 5% survival rate. The results came back and they confirmed it was indeed Turner's. We decided that the kindest thing to do was to stop our baby suffering as she had already had to fight so hard. Whether people think we made the right decision or not is up to them. Trust me it wasn't a decision made lightly! I had a termination at 15 weeks under general anesthetic and our baby girl Carina was born asleep on 10th September 2010. There is not a day that goes by that we don't think of her or miss her. She will never be forgotten and always loved. I was so devastated that i even thought of taking my own life as i felt that i should be with her but then i thought about my husband and how selfish that would have been of me. Some people find it hard to understand why i feel the way i do as it's not like i had gone full term. Regardless of this, to me she is still my daughter and loved just as much as if i had gone full term. I would have done anything i could to protect her and that included not letting her suffer. I am so grateful to my husband for all the support he has given me as other family members have not been the same. I am looking into counselling as i have not been coping and when i told my mother this (hoping for some support) she said "do you not think you are making a bigger deal over this than it really is. When you have another baby you'll forget this ever happend'. WRONG!!! this is a big deal and no i will not forget! All i have is my imagination on how she would have looked. It hurts so much not know what colour her eyes she would have had, what colour her hair would have been, what she smelt like and felt like to hold etc.. Even though i was so ill throughout the pregnancy i miss being pregnant and i would do anything to be pregnant again with her. As much as i want a family i am now so scared to become pregnant because all i can think about is something will go wrong and i never want to feel this much pain and heartache again. Even though i know Turner's is not genetic and the likelyhood of this happening again is so remote i just can't help thinking maybe something else would go wrong.
Sorry if i've rambled for so long but there are just so many emotions and i'm still feeling so confused by all that has happend.
3 Responses
1424416 tn?1330949459
Hi hunny, I am so so sorry to heat about the heartbreaking loss you have suffered and i don't imagine for a second your secision was anywhere near easy. I haven't had the same experience so I hope you don't mind me posting. I don't think anyone would have anything bad to say about what you did, it sounds like you had very little choice. I am against abortion just to point out and I think that if you had had a choice you wouldn't have opted for it. You are right when you say that even though your little girl wasn't full term she was still your little baby and the pain you are going through is normal and I am so glad to hear that you came to your senses about ending your own life, I know the feeling well but it is not the answer. I couldn't imagie having to make that choice you did, however, I do know the pain of losing a child. I lost my little boy at 1hour 15minutes old he was born prematurely at 25 weeks for no reason at all they can find, they made us take him off the machines saying he was dying anyway and it was kinder to do so, I still think and cry about all the things you do, what colour of eyes and hair etc he would have ahd, and I am sorry to say you are right those feeling never go away and the pain never really lessens as such, it gets a little easier to deal with with time, but you will catch yourself crying about it and felling just the same as you do now, but you will as you say always remember your little angel forever and I am very sad and dissappointed to hear your own mother said those dispicable words to you!!!! Counselling is a good idea it helps bring out the emotion, whether you want to or not, it is scary at first but relieves some pressure after a while. I hope you will think about trying again, I know you are scared just now, but like you say turners is a very rare thing to happen, and although other things can go wrong it doesn't mean they will, I have had two babies after my little angel babe, granted they were premature also but both happy and healthy now so it is possible. please keep your chin up and remember you are still healthy and when you fell a little better in your mind you are perfectly able to start the family you want so much, again it will never replace hte little girl you lost but again you will never forget her either, she will always be a part of you and your family. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you feel better soon and I am sorry If I have rambled on a bit. Please if you need someone to talk to, I would be a glad listener and happy to try and help anyway I can. :) x
876979 tn?1310046903
so sorry for you lose....I know is hard....i lose 7 pregnancy and yes is true....everyone you always will remember and everyone it hurt went it happend, but you have to be strong and dont lose hope.....god give you strenght to go true this moment.....dont let the fair stop you to keep trying....look at me.....i have a child, 7 now and after she was 2 i try again for another child....in the last 5 year I misscarry 7 time and here im pregnant with 40 week 4 days and praying to everything go ok this time.....that is life....some time we dont know why but it happend.....good thing, bad thing....the only thing we can do is keep trying and pray and hope the next time everything will be ok......god bless you and give you strength to move foward....you will be in my prayer.
Avatar universal
Thank you both so much for your kind words and support it means a lot to the both of us. You are courageous and strong women and your individual stories have helped me know i am not alone. Although we all have lost we will never stop loving our precious babies and your kind words give me hope for the future. Tiroloca i don't know how you have managed to stay so strong after 7 failed pregnancies you truly are an amazing woman who obviously has a lot of will power and determination. I am so happy to hear you both now have the families you so longed for and hope that i can soon see how that feels too. Thank you again xx
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