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5049711 tn?1364572195

I don't know what to do...

I haven't really opened up on here and I really need some women to women advice... Here goes;

I'm currently 35 weeks & 1 day, my hub and I have been together for quite some time now and about 7 months ago, I found out that he was talking to other people (sexually) I went through his phone and found out, I told him I wanted a break and that I don't deserve to be treated this way. Well we spoke about everything and we decided that we still loved each other and what he did was wrong, we worked through it and we've been fine. So May 7th was my birthday and for some reason on Mothers Day I woke up and he was in the shower and I decided to look through his phone again, not that I thought anything but it was there and I did it, well I found out that he was emailing a couple and texting them, sexually, and sending pictures etc. I confronted him and he said he didn't know why he did it, he just did and he loves me and doesn't want us to split up over this and he wants to he apart of his sons life etc so once again, we worked through it and we stayed together. Well for the past 3 weeks I've been very suspicious, of everything. He put a password on his phone which seemed odd to me so this morning he was somewhere in the house and I saw his phone and I cracked his passcode and went through is phone again and once again I saw him looking at girls on Craig-lists, he wasn't texting or emailing anyone but he was looking at LOCAL girls on CRAIGSLIST! I completely freaked out. He says I'm over reacting and I'm blowing this up and it's gone to far... Am I?

I give him everything, I'm very lucky to have what I have but I don't know if he's staying with me because I have money and its easy for him to be here, he says he loves me and wants to be with me but I can't bring my son into this. It's unfair to him and its just not right.

I also told him Id buy him a truck (worth $70K) and today we were suppose to get it... Should I go and get my money back and tell him I've changed my mind? And once I can finally trust him again and our relationship is back where it needs to be I'll buy him the truck...?

I don't know what to do... I don't want anyone knowing... I feel weak, I don't feel like I'm standing up for myself... I love him with everything I have and I'd give him the world if I could but maybe he's just using me and taking complete advantage of me?

Ladies I need your advice, I have no idea what to do and where I should turn. I'm sorry for the long post but I just need to get it out and hear what you have to say...
18 Responses
4476664 tn?1361632949
I would take another break....make sure hes not staying because he knows he can get what he wants. I know you don't want to think that, but this is an on going thing that you have addressed MULTIPLE times. It is NOT okay. Men can truly talk a good game when it comes down to being assed out if that woman is no longer willing to do the things she was willing to do before. I would take some time again. I know its a crucial time with the babe coming soon, but your foot should be planted down or planted up his a s s; ) Its DEFINATELY not fair to you. I always go with my gut....always and it has NEVER lead me wrong, as yous hasn't either....being that when u felt some type of way you dug up dirt.
5049711 tn?1364572195
Thank you hun... I knew that's what I needed to do but sometimes you need to hear it from other people and make sure that my emotions just weren't getting the best of me. Ughh this is gonna s.u.c.k big time ='(
Avatar universal
I agree with Gordon. It hurts me that you have to go through this and I hope he realizes what a dummy he is.
4476664 tn?1361632949
I know mama....but it doesn't have to permanent, DEPENDING on how he shapes up. If he doesn't he has to ship out, ya know? You gave MORE than enough times to stop his nonsense. Your young and beautiful and don't need to feel like crap. F that! Hang in there and be strong, everything happens for a reason and everything has a way of working out and coming together. Message me anytime.
Avatar universal
I agree with gordonbaby if this had been the first time then it would be good to workout but he should have learned his lesson the first time. You.deserve to be with someone who respects you and wants to give you the world like you have to him. Your instincts are right and u deserve so much more. Your very strong for being able to confront him. I wish you all the best and hope you find true happiness:)
Avatar universal
Yes totally agree with GordonBaby either he shapes up or ships out. N yes guys do tend to say any little thing to make u happy and forget of what he's wrong about. Your a strong independent woman n don't need that stress for the end of your pregnancy. Let him just realize he's wrong n he will come back ;-)
4850939 tn?1370543309
Time for a break hun he needs to see what he really wants or maybe change aslong as he think he he can get away with it he well always tey to do it again so put ur foot down and let him know u mean business
5049711 tn?1364572195
Thank you very much ladies! It means a lot :) I know what I have to do, just have to do it. Never thought I'd be in the type of situation but like you said; Everything happens for a reason.

Thank you so very much ladies ❤
Avatar universal
Good luck with your situation mama, I agree with the other ladies. Once? Fine. Twice? "maybe" but it's getting to that point. nd men do talk a good game when they get caught up. Now he needs NOT to talk about it but BE about it. He needs some "alone" time to work thru issues he may have (commitment or otherwise) and get his mind right so he can be the boyfriend/husband/father that you and your baby need
Avatar universal
You definitely have a tough decision. You can stay with him and always be wondering in the back of your mind who he's talking to this week, or you can kick him to go the curb and get back to taking care of you. It does sound like he's just using you, I would go get the money back for the truck, or heck buy the truck and keep it for yourself if you can afford it. He doesn't deserve gifts from you my dear.
Avatar universal
I have two friends going through the same thing. One of my friends divorced him right away and my other friend, she has two kids with him is going to marriage counseling. My husband did the same thing once, we were only dating but I found out when we got married. I threatened to leave him and ever since then my husband hasn't done anything. I know its hard to just leave your husband, I would say try to get some help for him. Go to counseling and see ways really going on. But you are not overeacting. You deserve respect, and he needs to leave his "habit" behind.
Avatar universal
Has he actually told you why he talk to other people this way? The "i don't know why" is bull. through no fault of yours, he is looking for attention and sexual fullfillment from other people and that spells bad news psychologically. Sex addiction, self-esteem issues, or any other number of things. Hes a full grown man who has a fully consious brain when he does those things and I think you deserve a better explination to why he cant keep his mind focused on the right things. I would seek counseling if I were you, because until he faces the root cause of his poor behavior, he wont be able to fix the problem to give you the best that you deserve. If he shrugs it off, that shows he isnt ready to commit. If he wants to stay, honey, make him prove it and fight for it. Dont stress too much about it though, his actions are not your fault.
Avatar universal
Ughhh that's rough and I really feel bad that you have to go through that. If it was me I would have to get some time away from him to just think about what I want out of my life. I understand forgiving him for the first incident but it seems like its something he can't stop. I wouldn't buy him that truck because he doesn't deserve anything at the moment but to be alone and think about what he's doing. I think it's great that y'all have put in the effort to at least try but for me it would be time to let him go. There is someone out there who won't do that to you and let me tell you, life is so much easier when you can trust that person. Hope this helps! Good luck.
3136949 tn?1369524705
Id definitely take a break for quite a while and IF I decided to go back it would be on my terms of no txting, emailing, or msging any women. No phone locks and id want passwords to everything he has. (That's what id do) you've given him plenty of chances and he knows your not ok with it yet he still does it. He needs tough love if he truly cares he'll be able to stop talking to other ppl like that. Its even worse that he's doing it still when your close to having a baby. Id also demand a real answer to why he's been doing it and why he put a lock on his phone like he was trying to hide it. None of that idk bs cuz he knows why just wont say maybe a pride thing or to embarrassed of what he's done to talk about it. Either way you don't deserve to deal with it and im sorry that you are having to
5049711 tn?1364572195
Thank you very much ladies, I did make an appointment for couples therapy, we have an appointment on Monday. I told him I wanted time and he completely freaked out but I think he's got the message. He's staying at a friends house till we work through this.. Hopefully something changes soon.

I don't think I could of done it without your advice,
I knew what I had to do but like I said, don't think it could of been done without you ladies. Thank you again ❤
4850939 tn?1370543309
Im so glad ur standing up for urself and making him learn his lesson keep us updating on how it goes for u :)
Avatar universal
I'm a little late on this but yeah the break is needed. My husband and I are on a break because of the exact same thing with the email, texting, pics thing. We had been together for years we have 2 daughters and a baby on the way and he still does it. You want to def figure it out now before you end up like me hating the father of my children.
305005 tn?1358728290
Break hell!! I'd break his neck!!! He will continue to do what he's doing and won't stop. Maybe once I could see, but over and over?? Just ask your self if you could live with that for the rest of your life. And if you did decide to get the truck, I sure hope you put it in your name, not his. Good luck on what ever you decide.
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