I really want a baby

[khd123]

Hi, I'm 20 and have been feeling extremely broody for around a year. I'm in a relationship and living with my boyfriend but he says hes not ready. I don't know how to stop thinking about babies and it's really getting me down that we can't start a family. I was just wondering if any one else has felt like this and knew how this can stop ruling my life! Thank you!

[JoyRenee]

Your loss may also make BF feel inadequate, feel like he's a failure (heck, he thinks his little swimmers didn't do their job). Just as you feel guilty about the loss, HE does too! That is probably why he doesn't want to try. If you have an open relationship, talk about it, through and through. Ask him to seriously think if the loss has anything to do with his feelings.

I got pregnant when I was 19 and had my daughter when I was 20. I'm now almost 23 and I have two little girls. While I love them to pieces, I wish I would've gotten money saved up, gotten secure and stabile in my relationship with DH (we've had kids our ENTIRE marriage... we didn't get to sleep in and go out whenever we wanted, travel, do what we wanted...). I'm constantly tied down to my kids' needs and wants.

Sometimes I forget who I am, what I like to do. It is constant diaper changings, feedings, potty training, tantrums, throwing toys, fighting over toys... Yes, I love them. Yes, I wouldn't trade my life for the world. BUT if I had a choice to have them just a few years later, I would. So that I could finish my education (I did some Bible college), so that I could have a career and save up, so that I could have time ALONE with my husband... to become more mature, etc.

You have a strong desire, as a woman, to have babies. We naturally want to reproduce, to nurture, to comfort, to nurse a baby, to rock them to sleep and watch them grow. You are still very very young and you will have plenty of time to get pregnant and have a baby. I know that doesn't help because I know what it is like to want a baby so bad it consumes you. But I hope my story inspires you to at least try to become more settled, maybe get married and find a home first.

We're always here for you, hon!

[Jame0223]

I know EXACTLY how you feel and Im almost 19! I got pregnant back in aug last year but miscarried at the end of sept. Ive never been through anything more painful emotionally or physically. Of course I loved being pregnant. And when I lost my baby, I was devastated. I wish everyday that I could be pregnant again but I know Im not really ready and my bf doesnt want to try right now. Were going to try when were 23. Its something I have to live with everyday. I wish everyday that I had not lost my baby. I carry my u/s pictures around every second of the day. I look forward to having my own family but I know were better off waiting. Its really hard on us girls, but its for the best. Were too young to have to worry about caring for another human being. We still have so much to do before we have to put someone before ourselves. No matter how bad we want it now, its not the best idea and we have to wait for the right time! I really hope this helps you feel better about it. Youre not alone at all. Its really hard on us but it will happen! Dont worry about that! Sorry for your loss last summer. I pray a happy healthy baby comes to us later when its right! :)

[blueskye20]

hey there girl.  I feel the same way you do.  I am also twenty.  my boyfriend and I had a moment where we thought i was pregnant, and it was a little scary but now we have decided that it would be okay.  He's 28 and will be able to support a child and I.  I have a good job and he has a career so I feel like we're ready.  We arent trying, but we arent not trying.  So basically we're having unprotected sex but I'm not charting my fertility or anything like that.  I know how you feel.  

[KellyA74]

I'm very sorry for your loss over the summer....I'm sure that it does have something to do with you wanting to try again....I had a M/C in Dec. and feel the same way.....But like others said, it's definately possible to have a baby at 20, but you'd be able to give it more if you waited a while......Lots of luck to you!

[khd123]

Thank you ever so much, I found your reply really nice. I suppose it's a thing I will just have to look forward to and stop thinking about so much.

[sha21]

I'm 21 and I have a 3yr old son. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished in life. I'm in a very good relationship with a good man.I have a great job. I'm not saying to go get pregnant but if it happens your life doesn't end. If your bf isn't ready don't push it. It will only push him away then you'd be left to raise a child on your own. That's not easy or fair to your child. I think that you're just dealing with the lose of your prior pregnancy. I felt the same way when I lost my daughter in dec. 06. God will bless you when he knows your ready. I hope everything works out for you.

[babydreams9]

Khd123 - I remember feeling the same way when I was 20, but I can honestly say that I am so very, very glad I waited. I am now 25 and when I look back, I realize that I was not at all emotionally or financially ready for a baby at 20. I could've made it work... but I am now married to the most wonderful man, we both have great jobs we've worked hard for, and I am mentally mature enough for all the things involved w/parenting. You will grow SO much in the next few years, especially emotionally; I know it's hard to understand now, but just wait and you'll see. Don't get yourself down about not having a family of your own. Concentrate on yourself, your relationship, you social life... all the things that will get put to the wayside when a baby comes along. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you - enjoy all that life has to offer! A solid family stems from a solid marriage/relationship built on time, trust, and honesty - work on that first. Best wishes to you. :)

[khd123]

Yeah, I do understand that I have plenty of time and that thinking about it very logically I should wait, and I will respect my boyfriends opinion. I just dont know how to stop thinking about it! I got pregnant by accident but had a miscarriage last summer, I suppose it's affecting me so strongly because of that. Thanks for your reply

[KellyA74]

If your boyfriend is not ready then you have to resepct that fact that he's being honest with you......May I ask if you both have decent jobs?  The only reason I mention that is because I look at myself at 20years old and there was no way that I could have adequately supported a child......Not emotionally or financially......Having a baby right now is ruling my life, but I'm 34 and both my husband and I have great jobs.........You very young...lots of time to start a family in the future.....Good luck!