676912 tn?1332812551

Is it wrong to be mad?

I know this may sound really childish...but my cousin is pregnant with her 4th child, I just found out for sure today. I stayed with her while I was doing some Army stuff for two weeks, and while I was there I had Elijah with me. She said having him around confirmed the fact that she is done having kids. She has a now almost 15 year old, 10 year old, and 6 year old. I've always said I wanted 4 kids, and I'm a little mad that she's pregnant. I'm not happy or excited at all. It could just be because she got pregnant already and I'm still trying. But I almost feel like she's stolen my number. Is it wrong to be mad or would you be too? Please explain answers...
19 Responses
1186413 tn?1326730549
I am not too sure how to vote because I think it's perfectly normal to be upset now as long as in the long run you are there for her.  I have a little sister who likes to do what I do.  She is only 1 1/2 years younger than me.  Well I got engaged like 4-5 months prior to her and we had our wedding date set.  She then proceeded schedule her wedding 2 months before mine.  I was so upset with her for the longest time but I left it go because I didn't want to regret anything I said or did because I was angry.  It is just a natural reaction to be upset when somebody is getting or doing something you want but please don't hold a grudge for too long.  
1035252 tn?1427227833
You know how I feel about this....and I sent you a message (I thought I had already replied from the other day but apparently my stupid butt forgot to reply when I thought I had....anyway, you now have a reply from the other day LOL). I agree with jrobertson....just let yourself feel upset as long as you're not attacking her or being hostile. you'll sort your feelings out eventually....but it's okay to feel the way you feel, so let yourself.
796506 tn?1370188305
No I don't think that it is wrong... I know how you feel. I'll admit, even being on MH I would be terribly jealous but still terribly happy for all the women because I have two children already. I know the pain in your chest and the heat on your face when you find out that women can just go to sleep and wake up pregnant and I was pumping myself full of drugs that made me ovulate and to make my follies even grow. I felt like my own body was betraying me... I think that in time the jealousy will pass and you will feel the total acceptance of your cousin's new addition. When it is your time it will happen and then all people that you tell can be jealous of you and you'll be so proud! I know it will happen for you soon :) (((HUGS)))
Avatar universal
i also dont know how to vote. i mean every woman is jealous thats y we all feel the need to look the best and all that women stuff..lol.. but i know when i lost my baby i was so jealous that my friend got pg. while you are trying and it seems to take longer than others that is normal.... and well i guess all i have to say is be happy for her and dont let it bother you this much. your turn will happen soon and you will enjoy every min of it.. dont stress over it though.. stress can cause infertility...
Avatar universal
Well just think about this: if you get pregnant now you'll steal her spotlight lol
906115 tn?1344200509
I do not think it is wrong nessisarily. You have entilement to your feeling no matter what they are always. But like some otherss said you need to make sure that you work through your feeling and not put any resentment or hostility towards her or the baby. If you don't work through it and give yoruself time those feeling will always present themselves when you hear or see the baby. Of course it is not the babies fault, I know you know that but our feeling can get a hold of us if we let them. I feel for you HOn and it will be ok, just get trough it as you can on your own terms.
676912 tn?1332812551
Let me clarify...I would NEVER say anything or do anything regarding my feelings about this. I'd put on a happy face, say congrats, and act like nothing was wrong if I were talking to her or around her. These are feelings I've shared with the world of Medhelp and my mom, and that's it.
1223218 tn?1268327014
i voted yes its wrong... because even though its ok to be upset about something u want when someone who doesnt want it gets it... but i dont think u should hold a grudge nor pretend to be happy about it around her when u are not, even though u might not do it to be a hypocrite youare being one.... i would just keep it between u us and ur mom and try to find the plus side to all this... like someone on here said... once u become pregnant ur gonna steal her spotlight!!!
1004712 tn?1263393948
No, I wouldnt be mad at her. You shouldnt be mad at her because she just so happened to have the amount of kids you wanted. Just because you don't have 4 kids now don't mean you won't have 4 in the future. Just keep trying and don't get so discouraged. I think your horomones are getting the best of you and where your trying to have a baby so bad and then she got pregnant not really wanting to left you feeling depressed. I wish you the best!
Avatar universal
I can understand your frustration.
You are jealous she is now having her 4th and you are still trying for your 1st.
You shouldnt be mad at her, as her life has nothing to do with yours. She didnt get pregnant to spite you, and you must remember that.
It will eventually be your turn, and when it is, im sure you wouldnt like another lady resenting you because you are pregnant and she is not.
You will get there, just be positive and keep trying.
145992 tn?1341345074
I think what you are feeling is normal.  You are upset because you wanted to be pregnant.  I went through it when I was ttc for a long time and all my friends were getting pregnant or other family members.  It was sort of like, well when is it my turn kind of feeling.  When I did get pregnant I had to be pregnant at the same time as my attention seeking SIL and that was not fun either.  Don't be sad though because your day will come.  
1039620 tn?1272594004
I don't think right or wrong is the issue. Never deny your own feelings. I can definitely understand the hurt and frustration as it took me five years to get pregnant with my first and everyone around me seemed to get pregnant so easily. You have the right to feel whatever  you are feeling, and I think you are handling it perfectly. Keep you 'happy' face on for her, but also, in private, give yourself permission to feel your own feelings. It will happen for you. Keep the faith and keep positive.
1128483 tn?1277340286
I don't think it's "wrong" and honestly it's perfectly normal!  She's reaching the point where you wish to be with the number of kids, and she got pregnant before you.  All I can say is try to find some place inside of you to be happy for her, and remember someday that will be you finding out your pregnant with your 4th!  You've already has one child, so you know you can do it!  
972246 tn?1311088535
I dont think your wrong. But then agian, I am in the same boat as you. My sister in law is having her second baby. She does not work, my brother can not keep a job, my mother supports them totally. She is a horrible mother. Her son has no home training. He is so bad. They had a meeting at the school, and they told both my brother and his wife they needed parenting classes because they have such a bad child. And they need to learn how to take care of him.

I dont know, we can look at it one of two ways, Its not the child fault. And god had a plan, and its just not are turn yet. Or we can be bitter and let it make us unhappy. I just choose to brush it off, and move on.
Avatar universal
trust me our emotions get the best of us sometimes, we are human and that is normal....... itll take a bit for you to get over it, but u will!!!! ull find something new to be ticked about ;)   Good luck TTC to all you ladies.......
1102149 tn?1259692962
I voted that yes it is wrong although I understand how you are feeling.  People change thier minds all the time, with regards to life style, children etc... I know that sometimes it feels that people that are close to you are out to get you, and I honestly think it is because they are so close to you.  I have two sisters that are yonger than me, one is only 3 years younger and the other is almost 10 years younger.  I am only 35 so the yonger of the two is 25.  One sister has three children all with different dads, is not married, can't hold a job and is constantly moving them around.  The other has just had her second and also is not married and neither her or her boyfriend have jobs.  They both count on family to help when the going gets rough.

I have been married for almost 8 years, I have a daughter whom is almost 6, a home a job, a husband that works his A** off and we still have not been blessed with # 2. Everything happens for a reason, and although I find it frustrating I love all of my nephews dearly and try to enjoy my life as it is.  I have learned to be happy with the one I have.

I have to agree, feeling the way you feel is normal but try not to transfer that hurt or anger to your cousin, put your happy face on and try and concentrate on what you want for life.  I hope you reach your family goals, but sometimes what you want is not always what you get.  
Avatar universal
good for you girl, i admire people who have their life in order, and know exactly what they want out of it......... :)
Avatar universal
It is perfectly normal to feel this way, especially if you've been trying for so long. You will get over these feelings. It's hard not to feel angry when someone has something that you want that they expressed they did NOT want. I'm sure she's going to love her newest little one.

The feelings will pass!
384896 tn?1335294331
I often find myself jealous when I see other pregnant women. lol
And the funny thing is, is that I have 2 kids 13 months apart and I don't even want to THINK about being pregnant. I've been pregnant for almost 2 years straight and am enjoying SLEEPING ON MY STOMACH FOR ONCE!!! lmao!
I do NOT want to get pregnant anytime soon, I was miserable beyond belief during the entire time with both my pregnancies. I hate being pregnant and hated the cesereans, and if it wasn't for the cute little babies that are waiting at the finish line, I would never do it again. lmao.
I don't understand why I get jealous. I really don't. But it happens everytime and I hate it.
I don't think it matters if you and your sister both have 4 kids. I never saw a page in the law book that said anything about siblings only allowed to have a certain amount of babies and they can't be the same. lol
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