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Avatar universal

I've got the blues.....I think lol

Yup....you read it right. I think I have Post Partum Depression. It doesn't surprise me because I have struggled with depression my whole life. I never had it this bad though. I want to cry everytime I see Conner and hold him, I cry a lot in the shower alone, when I think about the perfect family that I have. I second guess wether DH still loves me or not...which I Should know better when it comes to him. He has become more loving as a husband and father since the birth, but for some reason the thought is always there.

Today.....when I had to change Conner for the first time after his circumcision....I bawled like a squealing pig. There was some blood in his diaper, and his gauze was stuck pretty bad, and I just couldn't do it. I was shaking and crying, and I had t have DH do the gauze. I was NEVER this emotional with my other boys, both who were cicrumsized as well. I never had an issue taking care of it. I just fed Conner his bottle as DH did the dressing on his penis, and I couldn't even look. Conner would pull his legs and kick his legs as hubby tried very hard to do it as gently as possible...Conner didn't even cry, but boy there were tears flooding my living room lol.

DH tried his best to comfort me while he was doing it, and afterwards. I just held Conner as close as I could and bawled. I don't regret having it done so I don't know why it bothered me so bad with him, as it was a breeze to do with the other 2.

I feel like such a bad mommy because I couldn't change his diaper. And just looking at him makes me tear up lol. Im crying as I write this......

Do you ladies think im going through PPD? Or do you think it's hormones/my emotional attachment to Conner?
I haven't started my depression meds yet because I am trying to breast feed. Should I skip the breastfeeding attempts and just take my meds?
18 Responses
561451 tn?1257479950
I think it's the hormones, and emotional attachment, also because your running on little sleep still.  Did you ask your doctor about taking the meds while breastfeeding?  

I would ask, and if he says you can't take them while doing that.
187316 tn?1386360282
I think everyone gets the blues in the beginning from hormones and lack of sleep and feeling overwhelmed. It isn't PPD until you have absolutely no interest your son which it sounds like to me isn't the case at all. Also don't be upset about not changing his diaper... you are his mother and you feel bad about him being hurt and worrying about making it worse. I probably wouldn't have been able to do it either... it doesn't matter that you've done this before... this is a different baby and its normal to react differently to things.
338963 tn?1253664422
im so sorry your going through this but i could relate to you.. i had it pretty bad at the begging also i would cry all the time and i did to cry the first time i saw his pee pee after his cercumcision...;( it will get better though just talk it out with someone. i did it made me feel better but i was crying the entire time i was talking... sorry if you need to talk to someone you can pm me i will reply to you and listen.i understand how you feel.
561451 tn?1257479950
Alright, so I was curious and googled it...  

go to

http://www. webmd.com/ depression/features/ moms-antidepressants-are-safe-for-nursing-infants

It'll tell about a study they did, and I thought it was interesting.  So BTS read and I really think it'll help you decide to stop or keep breastfeeding and still take your meds


I hope it helps.  There is 3 pages, and it has some really good points and studies following babies who breastfed while the mother was on anti-depressants.  And followed these kids closely through preschool or kindergarten!
561451 tn?1257479950
ooops without the spaces too, LOL  forgot to say that
363110 tn?1340924019
BTS~ I say give it a couple more days and if you still feel bad then to go ahead and start your medications. OR you can ask the dr. about meds that are safe to BF on.

My doctor told me that PPD usually hits at week 3 post partum. Sometimes before then, but if it's before then they consider it just baby blues that'll go away. I delt with my "baby blues" up til a week or so ago. My boy is almost 9 weeks old.
Avatar universal
Thanks ladies. Im trying to work the courage up to change him, I will atleast be there and watch when DH does it lol, which is good enough to do right now lol. I just feel so weird because I have never been this emotional over a circumcision before. I love my baby, and it just hurts to see him in pain. It's not like with my toddlers, they can run to me and say *mommy I hurt my finger* then I can make it all better, but Conner can't do that, and even though I know what it is that hurts, I don't know if my holding him and kissing him and cuddling him makes him feel any better. DH says he thinks it makes Conner feel better, but I dont think so because im such an emotional wreck lmao.

It could be the sleep deprivation, and hormones. But if thats the case....why isn't hubby an emotional wreck? He is going through the same as me, minus the sore boobs and hormones lol. Im even scared to pick him up because I dont want to squish his diaper and hurt his pee pee lol. Im trying to work up the courage, but DH said even if I can't, he will do all the diaper changes for the next week until it heals.

We will see....I just hope that these Baby Blues goes away soon, I feel like a basket case lol but I guess it is better then having PPD and not wanting my son, because then down the line in the future I know I would feel very very guilty.
561451 tn?1257479950
BTS~ Maybe your man isn't an emotional wreck because this is new to him, taking care of a new baby and not being over seas!  He also did have to deal with the contractions himself, so he hasn't had the overhwelming toll taken on him!  :)  I say you sound like your doing good, just let your man take care of him for a while, and let him enjoy being a great dad!
561451 tn?1257479950
LOL I mean didn't have to deal with the contractions
Avatar universal
LOL I would have given everything for him to have felt the contractions lmao. Im doing okay, I got through a diaper change 30 minutes ago...I only watched but I didn't cry this time....even though I really wanted to. Im actually scared to fall asleep....Im worried that im so sleep deprived (been up since 2:30am) that I wont hear him cry. I know I need sleep, but im just scared. I know they say not to sleep with baby, but I had him curled up in his blankey on the couch this afternoon when we took our naps.

I know it will be tough for a few days, but I will work through this. Hubby is totally understanding which helps a ton, so I know I can relax a little bit. But then I feel like he is hogging my baby! lol. It's a no win situation lmao. I like the help and appreciate it, but then im jealous and get mad because he is hogging Conner lol.

Uhg! I need another cup of coffee...and maybe I will lay on the couch for a little bit. Conner seems to sleep better in the living room with the TV lol. I gave him some Tylenol so maybe he will feel better and sleep more tonight.
561451 tn?1257479950
Well, you know if you two can sleep in the living room, then do it I say.  Maybe make a comfy bed on the floor and that way conner cant fall and you wont roll on him or anything!  Oh i'm sure you will hear him cry, you boobs will leak!  LOL  

Oh I can tell Baby Conner is completely loved ever so much!  :-)  
616452 tn?1253881244
Hi BTS i feel for you - like the other mom's said its maybe just the baby blues - boobies sore and sleep deprivation - but maybe its good to speak to your Dr as well.  I had my share of PND as well normally started a little bit later for me - also always worried about little one and crying for nothing.  Never had any bad feelings towards my little ones but did feel as a inadequate mom.  In the past you had to deal with everything on your own now with daddy there and helping which is great it can make you feel even more inadequate and that baby almost don't need you.

Take care hope you feel better soon.
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