Positives, I don't even know how to explain it, I can't remember my life before my son, (and soon to be daughter), I can't even explain the pride I feel when I look at my son, he's so intelligent, sweet, loving, and he's going to be a great man someday. It's a very rewarding job!!
Negatives, It's hard the first few years, sometimes you'll feel helpless when you can't figure out why they're crying, or ease any pain they're feeling. Speed bumps you'll get passed as long as you're taking it day by day, positives by FAR outweigh the negatives.
Positive- I just had from.first in July and I couldnt image my life without her. Iv been in.college going on 6yrs now she is my motivation to get my degree so life is a little "easier"
Negatives- haven't really hit much expect like above poster said can't figure out why they are crying.
Being a mommy is truly amazing :)
Greatly increased capacity for love
The pleasure of living out of one's self -- living to give to another
The feeling that you're doing something important, producing a healthy child, raising a child well
Increased closeness with husband (especially when he really takes a hand with our son, showing his ability to deal sensitively with his child)
Inability to get much done that does not involve directly taking care of our son -- bills slide not for want of money but for want of time to pay them, the house needs repairs and can't get to it, general housework time is decreased, general level of cleanliness and organization is zip compared to the way it was when only two adults lived at the house -- when a baby, toddler or kindergartener is in the house, you HAVE to be paying attention at ALL times, and that pretty much erases the chance to do anything that involves "thought time" (a good example is organizing taxes). Things slide and you look sloppy and feel scattered and ungrounded.
Some moms are helicopter moms. I'm so much the opposite that it's comical...(I find that I'm delighted when someone else is taking care of our son and zoom off to do my own thing with a real sense of liberation.) My "selfish time" --- I miss.
Increased arguments with husband (he's a good daddy, but still can be self-centered and miss or ignore things about our son, and hates to have me say anything when he does. But sometimes you really do have to say something. Like, no, it's not OK to let Junior stay up until 11 pm just because you wanted to watch the end of the dang football game.)
Both my husband and I would say having a child is by far the highlight of our lives, which have not been uneventful by anyone's standard. We knew having a baby would put the kibosh on a lot of personally egotistically-driven activities for us, but it has not been an issue. My husband does sometimes come in from work and plop down in front of the TV, expecting our son not to want his attention and dinner to appear as if by magic. But we work on this, and he is a doting daddy.
My biggest regret is that my husband has lost some of the fun girl he married. I took on the responsibilities of motherhood, and other things had to give, among them keeping a perfect and peaceful house for him to loll around in, and especially less "girlfriend time" for him. In other words, he doesn't get to act like a teenager who has the hottest girlfriend on the planet any more, I'm busy with something more important than doting on him.
My biggest delight is the quiet moments of pure joy. Little boys can be so incredibly pure in their love that it brings tears to your eyes.
Wow thanks! Great insights.
I dont think you ever realize the "its better to give then to receive" until you have a child. Seeing faces on christmas morning, or counting down until birthdays are so much more exciting. Right now I am in the school age time with my older kids, so this is my world right now, its so much fun. Watching them master their own worlds is amazing too, their capacity to learn and eagerness to please their parents is wonderful.
Overall its alot of fun for me. Now I am getting to see the fruits of my labor so to speak. I am watching my kids make good choices (they are 5 and 6). Given the option they will choose healthy foods over junk, they use manners and are kind to others. They are both excellent in school and really strive to please their teachers and do their very best.
The negatives: hmm, well if you are planning to work, it is really tough to leave your baby. I have anxiety with leaving my kids with anyone, I constantly worry. When my mom takes them somewhere I always remind her to stop completely at stop signs and to go the speed limit lol, she gets annoyed, but she gets it, and my mother is probably the most responsible person I know.
The financial aspect, babies are expensive and they only get more expensive as they get older. Its tough to say no to things that they want, but I think its good for them to NOT get every single thing, it makes them apprieciate what they do have even more.
Also if your child has siblings, it does get challenging to divide up your time equally between them. It is sometimes tough to tell one that you cant read them a book right now because you have to give the baby a bath, or you cant play blocks because you have to feed the baby. My kids have adjusted quite well to one another, and they truely are best friends...they have been since the begining. I can only hope that adding this third child will be as easy as adding the second.
OH How could I forget, discipline. That is the hardest part of parenting for me. But I am a strong believer that they will be better off in the long run if we have rules AND enforce them. This is the hard part, sticking to your guns. If you say no snack after dinner if you dont eat your peas, you better believe they will be getting no snack if they dont eat their peas lol.
DNP47--thanks for the informative reply. Hope you have a healthy and happy third pregnancy :)
its funny i can list 100 negatives.
lack of sleep!
no time for myself,
no time with my partner,
every time i have to go out it takes me an hour to get a bag ready,
i can no longer go out with friends all night,
i do the same thing day in day out,
i tend to be left out of most things as my friends know i wouldnt be able to,
no holidays as money is tight because of everything we had to buy.
my house is ALWAYS a mess!
BUT when everything has gotton ontop of me and i feel like i could scream all she needs to do is smile and thats it! i have never loved anyone as much as i love her. sometimes im just looking at her and could cry as the pride i feel is so over whelming!!!!
Positives: humans by nature are selfish, it wasnt until I had a kid that I truley was able to even completely grasp what being selfless is.. There isnt a thing on this earth I would do for my daughter and the amount of pride you have for your kids is indescribable., really there is a million things I could list.
As for the negatives well, I think whether you have kids or not there will always be negatives in your life, they just change when you have kids. You can't control everything once you realize it life will be easier.. Figure out what priorities are the most important to you and stick with them..