Loss of a twin in utero, stillbirth

Question

Well today I went for an ultra sound and our little angel baby b is no longer with us, her heart was not beating anymore. I am 35 weeks pregnant and due to deliver at 36 weeks (May 11th) I just have no idea how to deal with any of this and am having a tough time, although I feel blessed to have a healthy twin in there that will survive I am not sure what to do about the one that passed....

they asked me if I want a burial...I said no cremation would be better.
they asked me if I want to see her after she is born---i am wanting too but not sure its a good idea

I am sad:( I knew that there was a good chance this could happen--for anyone whose been following my posts twin b has had issues all along and has been closely monitored since week 22. But 5 days before delivery??? Shocker really. ... and a blessing she held on that long too because if she hadn't there would be a chance i'd be delivering way earlier than 36 weeks which would totally put my little twin A at risk. Advice from anyone whose gone thru this would be great...and appreciated.

snagglepuss1 · Answer

Jut noticed this post is over 2 yrs old!

snagglepuss1 · Answer

Really sorry to hear about your loss, just wanted to add my bit. My first pregnancy was diagnosed as anencephaly when I was 16 weeks pregnant. I delivered our baby still born at 17 weeks, I never held or looked at the baby. That was in 2003, something I very much regret now. So wished I had held our child. I never got any photos, footprints anything like that either. I would say if you can, hold her, but if not ask for her footprint, handprint, photos anything like that as I guarantee you will want to know what she looked like down the line.

MrsPotters24_5710 · Answer

i am sorry for your loss...
but you are lucky to have one survived...
i had identical twin boys july 25th and loss them both to stillbirth and premature birth... 
i had them cremated and will bury them someday when we are settled...
we are in the military and we are away from home...
but my precious little angels are watching over us now...

i hope your baby is alive and healthy...
we are brave moms...
goodluck and godbless to you and your fam...

Lance06 · Answer

I dont know if you will get back on and see this, being that you were scheduled for a cesarean in may, but I wanted to say how sorry I am. I was a twin and my twin died in utero, a bit earlier than yours, but it was very hard on my mom. SHe thought for sure she had lost us both. We would have been fraternal twins. 

Hang in there and I hope that you are enjoying mommyhood!

kylie27 · Answer

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I sat here reading your post with tears in my eyes, I just can't imagine how sad you must be feeling at the moment.
I think it would be a good idea for you to see and hold your wee baby.  This is the only opportunity you will have to gather memories of twin b for twin a to look at later in life when they are curious about their twin.  Take photos, hand and footprints.  
I don't know how you would feel about this and I'm not sure how I would feel either but maybe you could get a photo of the twins together.  I know it would be really hard and some people may think a bit morbid, but this is twin a's very close sibling that they have shared your womb with for just about nine months.  In many years to come twin a might really appreciate that photo of them together.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  All the best with twin a.

martikadragoon · Answer

I encourage you to see your baby also. My mother lost a baby at 5mo, and she held her and saw her... she said if she'd never done it she'd have regretted it for her entire life.

my baby will be named after that one (Karissa Anne) if we are having a girl. Praise god that you still have 1 healthy baby in there....Your living child and you will meet your angel baby when we all meet in the clouds!

I have a friend who lost a twin in late pregnancy. she never saw the baby... but her situation was WAY different. She conceived following a rape. her beautiful boy is a wonderful child... 

Cindie

pause_21 · Answer

I'm so sorry for you loss hun!

jenleean · Answer

I just stumbled upon this and had to comment.  I fist need to say i am so sorry for your loss...i too have gone through this.  i carried both identical girls for 31 weeks when baby A passed.  i was devastated and carried them for 2 weeks after that when i went into labor.  twin A had issues all along but, just as you said you wouldn't think that this late in the pregnancy this would happen.  twin B-madison, spent 3 weeks in the hospital....she is 5months old this week.  they said there might be cerebral damage, but she is doing so well.  she has had digestive problems, but they are resolved.  we feel lucky to have her too.  it is so hard and honestly i have not yet dealt with this entirely.  i gave in to seeing a councilor and i think it will help.  i just want you to know you are not alone. my e-mail address is ***@**** feel free to write to me i could use a talk from someone who truly understands.  best wishes and my prayers are with you.
jen

heartfluttersflyawayplz · Answer

hi , i had a friend that lost her baby girl one day before she was to deliver her, she had to have emery surgery because the sack came away from the wall and thats what took her angel, she also almost died had blood and ended up having her female organs out because of it, she didnt see her baby girl for 3 days after, they keep her for her to hold her and say goodbye. it has took a toll on her but she says would of been worse if she had never got to hold her, tell her she loved her and kiss her tiny face, she gave her a bath and dressed her in her going home outfit , they will allow you to do that, shes yours and all you have to do is ask them.  she has lots pics with her so that she will never forget her face, she wraped her in a blanket while she held her and than keep it  to remember her by, she looked like a perfect little girl thats what hurt so bad. she did bury her and to this day is very happy she did what she did, she said she could not send her baby off and never look or hold her, to this day she has a hard time, every birthday or holiday its bad, she also has another little girl, but no child takes the place of the one you lost. she named her jessica, 

i will be praying for you , i cant even think what you are going through, but remember everything happens for a reason, i know its hard to even think that way but she held on long enought for her sister to be born healthy, thats what you can hold in your heart she wanted you to have her sister her twin, so she held in there .thats a blessing. God Bless you and yours. Barbara

cintia · Answer

Hi, I am sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my twin baby girl at 36 weeks. My boy was born health and has been a blessing to my family. Me, like you wanted to do, had her cremated. I did not see her though. I was veru confused and very very sad and doctors and family advised me not to see her at the time. I did saw the pictures....a couple of months later. The only thing I can tell you is that the pain of her loss will get better with time and to you to love that baby that is coming. I often say that I needed my baby boy at that time much more than he needed me. I will praying for you and your family....if you ever want to contact me, feel free....***@****  God Bless you.

k4d · Answer

i am so sorry that you have to experience that my heart goes out 2 u. but i would also agree with the other post as u are only going 2 get 1 chance 2 hold ur sweet baby it will be emotional but i do think u will need that for closuer bcoz if u dont see her i think u will always be looking at twin A and wondering what twin B looked like. but again i am so sorry u have 2 deal with something like this x o x o x o x

PENNY1705 · Answer

i am so sorry

Latrice414 · Answer

I would like to say i am so sorry for your loss.  I agree with what the other ladies said.  I dont have any experience on your situation, but when i had a missed m/c at 10w 3d i was hurt, i had the d/c at 11weeks and i asked to see the remains of my baby, and they brought it to me in a container.  I actually had a burial service and had the baby buried in the infant section where they engrave the babies name on this big tombstone.  It brought me closure and i do go to the site to visit.  It will be a tough time for you after delivery but you dont want to regret anything also, so think hard about it and ask god for guideance,

I will keep you in my prayers

Linzola1 · Answer

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayer. I do agree with the above posters but I also want you to do what you feel is right! I am going tobe keepingyou in myprayers and remember to be thankfulfor the one baby you do still have... God Bless

nickieb85 · Answer

OMG! I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with Joy Renee I think you should hold your baby. She has been a part of you and her twin for so long that you will need closure. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope that you get along ok. Please keep us informed on how you are doing.

JoyRenee · Answer

I don't have any experience to offer you but wanted to tell you how very sorry I am!

I want to encourage you to hold your baby but of course the choice is yours. Go with how you feel in the moment. You may regret not getting to hold her for a few precious moments (most hospitals allow you to hold them for up to an hour after birth). Take pictures, get her little footprints and handprints, study her face. It will be HARD but it will be a moment you will cherish. This I do say from experience from other moms I've known whose babies have died. They are grateful to have gotten to hold their sweet baby, even for such a short time.

*HUGS*