OT but need answers!

[kiddumz13]

So this isn't really in the parenting department, but I have a problem. Or at least, I think I do.

My baby's father has this gay friend. I don't have a problem with gay people, just getting that out there. But this gay friend admitted his "love" for my boyfriend, and I wouldn't mind so much.. BUT.... Every time I see something on my boyfriends facebook, this guy is telling him he loves him and will always be there for him and that no matter what happens he will always love him..

My boyfriend denies that it's any kind of intimate thing on his friends' part, but I see way differently. This guy tells my boyfriend he loves him and my boyfriend tells him he loves him too but he always tags "bro" or "dude" at the end. I'm not understanding.... I want to confront him but he already accuses me of being controlling because I told him that since we have a baby (AND another on the way) then he shouldn't spend the night with his friends because he has a family to care for at home.. but he thinks that's wrong and I don't know what to do about him thinking I'm controlling him when I'm not.. Also, he left on his daughters FIRST birthday and went to this gay guys house... like that was more important or something...

Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Please any advice will help.

[ammanda]

I agree that he is not caring at all.  and that friend needs to be gone! make him choose.  how long have u been together and how long has the friend been in his life?

[kiddumz13]

Yes, I've tried telling him I'm uncomfortable with it, and I do still flirt with him all the time...

But when I bring it up he just says that I'm trying to act like his mom and that I don't want him to have friends... I do want him to, but not gay ones who are telling him they love him three times a day!

And also, this guy is so protective over my boyfriend... he is always trying to get in our business and telling him what to do and the BF will tell all! When I told him not to, because of the way that the friend acts after he hears about our situation, and he tries playing me and BF against each other by agreeing that I control him..

Last time he lived with me, he got in trouble so my mom told him that he couldn't play his xbox. Well he told his gay friend, and his friend was like " They are way too controlling. You need to get out of that situation call me immediately "... It's killing me.

[ammanda]

Exactly! my boyfriends friend flirts and saids hes gonna take him from me all the time and me and Db just laugh it off.  if they cant laugh it off, and shes not sure that hes not gay or wanting to explore then she needs to get out of it.  maybe it makes him feel better to be hit on. Do you flirt with him or compliment him still.. guys still need that, and some feel like since your relationship isnt new anymore, that they dont get that enough, just like  girl feels.  they just dont say it that often.  

You need to sit him down and talk to him about it, dont worry about making him think your controlling him. just tell him straight up how you feel about it.  if he cant be understanding, then thats his problem.  tell him your uncomfortable with the things that are being said.

[kiddumz13]

I've tried talking to him... he just denies anything i say but yet he wants to go over there all the time, and gets mad if i say something about the guy, but yet this guy can sit there and down me and he won't say a word!

But every day he says that he loves me and his children and I mean everything to him. I just don't understand why he won't tell this guy to stop saying he loves him when he knows that it's not in a friendly way... and they've known each other for years, and I have known the gay guy for longer than he has! (no I didn't introduce them)..

And he has never shown interest in men, but before i met my boyfriend he was friends with this guy, and they watched porn together and mastrubated in the same room!! This bothers me, and he says it was a mistake and he felt gay for it but he knows he's not gay... he said to never bring it up again because he feels disgusting for doing that...

And on another occasion, we were at the gay guys house, and my boyfriend and him were playing a game, and my boyfriend was sitting in a chair and the guy was in front of him on the floor, well... my boyfriend was rubbing the guys leg with his foot, but when I confronted him he told me he didn't even realize he had done this and he got mad and said that I " am trying to find ways to make him look gay "... it's horrible and he will tell you until he's blue in the face that he's not gay but I'm starting to doubt the situation!

[cnhauk]

but at the same time, she said this guy professed his love for her boyfriend. that makes it a little different than two guy or two girls saying "love ya!" I can understand the unease you have. But, talk to him and just tell him how you feel.

[ammanda]

My boyfriend/babys father's best friend is gay.   Which is weird cause my boyfriend has always hated gays. but now him and this guy are always together. well not always they hang out like once a week. and hes a really good guy.  he a great friend to my boyfriend.  and me and my boyfriend both know his friend is attracted to him, he says he is his type all the time. and he sends him texts everyday saying "good morning, how are you, how you doing, How was your night, hope your okay" and he talks to my boyfriend about his problems and hes there for him.  its the female instinct in a gay man.   but it does bother me cause my boyfriend doesnt even talk to me about his problems.  

I dont know excatly whats going on in your boyfriends head. has he ever acted interested in men? how long have they been friends?  how do they act in front of you?  

Guys tell each other they love each other all the time, its the same as two girls saying it, and especially since they say bro or dude at the end, its just a friendly thing!  Its like when i tell my best friend "i love ya girl" you know?? Im sure all is well

[cnhauk]

If your boyfriend is saying that the friendship is strictly that, a friendship, it would be the same thing as one of your guy friends professing his love for you. I seriously doubt your boyfriend would tolerate a guy telling you he loves you constantly on facebook. Maybe word it that way, turn it around so he sees how he would feel if the opposite were the case.


Good Luck!