lol, mason likes to cry alot it seems, he made himself mad earlier when he burped.
make that man pitch in! I'd probably threaten to kill carlos if he didn't pitch in like he did. srry your so tired!
Babies cannot be spoiled. Invest in something like a Moby wrap or a sling and wear your baby.
I agree with Joy on the sling or wrap. I bought one a couple weeks ago and LOVE it. I can get things done now! She falls asleep in it all the time too. :] Cause my daughter had to be held all the time as well, or so it seems! But goodluck girl. I know the time right now seems rough, but remember our babies grow up so fast! So enjoy it as much as you can. :] That is what I think of when my little girl gets up at 3a.m. wanting to eat, play, smile at me...All I think of is I LOVE being a momma, no matter if the job is 24/7/365 :]
Girl I feel ya on this one. Even though my kids are a little bit older I get the same thing from my husband. It seems no matter what I do it's not good enough and everything is my job. The cooking, cleaning, dishes, taking care of the kids, laundry, take care of the dogs, the list goes on. It's like I have to fight with him to take out the trash and even then it takes is 3 days to bring the trash can back to the garage. Then if I say something to him about it all he has to say is "I had to work all day." When he's got a nice cushy desk job that he sits on is a$$ all day! Then he comes home and plays video games and watches football all night. Most days I just want to scream! Sorry I didn't mean to rant on your post. I hope your hubby gets better!
The wrap idea is good. The moby wrap is expensive but babies r us is having a sale on the ultimate baby wrap about 18 bucks. I hope you get some sleep soon
Yes a wrap or sling is an awesome idea. I have a baby bjorn ( I used it with my first son) and it works like a charm. When I need to get things done I just put Jesse in there and he falls right to sleep but my hands are free. Jesse (3months) wants attention all the time and wants to be held a lot (He just likes to be close to someone at all times which is normal!), but my 20 month old is at a stage where he needs a lot of attention now as well and is learning new things everyday. It's tough, let me tell ya! sometimes they both scream and cry together, or when one is asleep, the other acts up, but I always manage to get through the day and end up smiling and loving my children more and more. =) Once your son gets a little older, it will get easier. Someone told me that a couple of months ago, and I didn't believe them, but now that Jesse is 3 months, I find it much easier and can even get my boys to nap at the same time now. Hang in there! I wish I could sleep through the night, but I know in a couple of more months, it will happen. Being a mother is draining, but oh so rewarding! =)
I tired a sling and a chest carrier with my daughter but between the two back to back pregnancies, carrying my own weight around is hard enough. My hips and back are a mess and routine daily activities can become quite painful. I can't tote my son around all the time.
I've learned to just let him cry.
If I pick him up, inspect him, change him, feed him and nothing is wrong, I just set him down and let him cry till he either shuts up or I'm done with what I'm doing.
The both of them are gunna have to learn how to share my time with them.
I know Aiden is still waaaay too young to understand, but I made the mistake with my daughter by holding her the second she opened her mouth, and now all she does is follow me around whining cuz she wants me to pick her up.
The doc gave aiden some reflux medicine, I forget what it's called but he's getting his first dose soon.
Hopefully my night will go smoother tonight.
honestly, if he's a newborn letting him just cry at this point will probably make things worse, not better. He's crying because he is uncomfortable. He can't manipulate you yet. The fact that he will not let you hold him cradle style tells me his poor little throat is probably burning from the reflux. Just because nothing visible is wrong doesn't mean nothing is wrong.
reflux meds will help if it is reflux. Get a carrier that distributes the weight onto your hips and back. A sling probably isn't the best thing if it's reflux since he should be directly upright on your chest. Cheaper front carriers put all of the weight on your back (i learned the hard way). My LC recommended a Mei Tai carrier for a fussy reflux baby. You can also get a front carrier with hip straps. I think the moby has that too, although i could never figure that one out so I returned it.
you can also try other things to soothe him. My screamer liked the swaddleme (still does at 3 1/2 months). Loud white noise also soothes and settles her. Also, I noticed that in beginning, the only place she would sleep well was in the highchair or upright on our chests. Turns out that was because of the reflux- it just felt better being upright.
i know you're tired and overwhelmed. Trust me- I was there just a couple of months ago. But please don't let the poor baby scream often. He needs you. He doesn't understand why he's in pain. And as for your husband- stop cooking and cleaning. Take care of the bare minimum for now. a few weeks of mess and take-out can help take some of the strain off of you. And cut Ivy a little slack too- her whole world has been turned upside-down. If she's getting in to everything, then create a safe play area/playroom for her. I had to rely on the TV a lot those first few weeks with the new baby, but it helped get us all through it alive. We would go to the library and she'd pick favorite movies and watch them over and over.
oh yea- if Aiden does have reflux, that is probably why he won't sleep in the crib. Until it is controlled, you can try elevating him, or even letting him sleep in a bouncy seat for a while.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have been there. Both of my boys had TERRIBLE reflux. My oldest was 3rd percentile on the growth charts because he puked so much, and my little one was not even on the growth charts! He was 0%!! They made me bring him to the dr. like 3 times a week to get weighed. It was bad. He was miserable.
If you are feeling really overwhelmed (and I'm not trying to say you are), certainly talk to your doctor. Make sure you don't have any post-partum going on. It's miserable to feel like that when it is something that can be fixed. Our hormones do some crazy stuff!
And dang DH! He should definitely be helping. I don't think they realize what work it is to have a new baby and also a toddler! It's hard work. My boys are 23 months apart. It was a lot. And I'm preggo again, so I'll have a newborn, 3 year old and 5 year old! I will say one thing that may explain (but not justify) his lack of desire to tend to the kids after work. I am a correctional officer. I actually just stopped working a few months ago to be a SAHM, but, I will tell you that after a day at the jail, the last thing I wanted to do was come home and play mom/babysitter some more! Inmates are as bad, if not worse, as kids! But, the fact of the matter is that even after being a glorified babysitter to a bunch of criminals, I still had to come home and handle my responsibilities, and DH should too. Maybe take that approach though...tell him that you realize that he has to babysit a bunch of "kids" all day and that he probably doesn't want to have to deal with any more whining when he gets home, but that you just need a break and some help.
I really wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry this is so long. If' you need an ear, I'm here for ya!
On a lighter note, you should post this on the teen pregnancy concerns forum...but scare a few people lol.
I'm w/ tiredbuthappy. This post breaks my heart on so many levels.
I am also a little upset reading this. Neborns don't manipulate us, they can't be spoiled. He's trying to communicate with you because crying is his only verbal skill. Your daughter is also desperate for attention and is used to being the baby. She's not at an age where she can understand since she herself is still very young. She follows you around because you are her mommy and she needs you. I understand how overwhelming this all is, my son is in his terrible 2's and I can't even imagine having to care for him and a newborn at the same time, but it won't last forever. Hopefully the reflux meds kick in and your son will be much more comfortable. I used a baby bjorn and my son was a big boy and it was ok. I had some back issues but I dealt with it. I would also look into some meds for post partum depression. I agree with tired, let some of the cleaning and cooking go and don't worry about your husband. He's an adult and can fend for himself. I would also inform him ahead of time that at 8 pm you will be leaving him with the kids and you are going to soak in the tub for about a 1/2 hour.
I am with Tiredbuthappy and Joy, this is just so heartbreaking. Babies CANNOT be spoiled. I know your day is busy but man, take some time to hold your son. Let him know that you are there for him and comfort him like he deserves.
My first son passed away at 7wks due to a heart condition and I only got to hold him 3 times. The third and final time was when he was taking last few breathes in my arms. I would do anything to hold again, but I cannot. My arms still ache for him. But because he was in the hospital I could not just pick him up anytime like you can!
He did bless me with his beautiful little brother named Cruz. Cruz is four months old and he spends every chance I get in my arms. He is actually sleeping on me right now as I type.
Please understand how lucky you are to have two beautiful healthy children. I know you are a young mom, but you are the only mom they have. Many women on this forum would trade spots with you in a heartbeat, so just remember that!
it's no secret that my little one was difficult. colic is a terrible, draining thing that drains you physically, mentally, and emotionally. But everytime she woke me to eat in the middle of the night (every 2 hours!) i actually took a moment, kissed her head and thanked god for her. i know it sounds hokey, but it helped me get through it. i'd think of those who weren't lucky enough to be losing as much sleep as i was.
what was most difficult for me with a toddler and colicky infant was not the impact it had on me. instead, i felt so helpless and sad for my kids. for my screaming infant who i couldn't comfort. for my toddler who got chicken nuggets tossed at her in front of the tv if i had a moment. but, we survived and while it's still a bit stressful, 3 month later my toddler is doing great as a big sister and the baby continues to improve.
i don't want to sound harsh- as if i'm simply saying suck it up. but you're their mommy and this is your job, what you signed up to do. Instead of calling your daughter a terd and saying you want your newborn to shut up, reach out to the people on this forum for guidance and advice. Look at it differently. Ask, how can I make my toddler feel confident and comfortable admist this turmoil? or ask, how can i help my poor newborn feel secure and well enough to stop screaming and be put down? I suspect that your whole family, including YOU, will feel better if you view this situation differently. I also agree that you may want to look into whether or not you are experiencing postpartum depression. you come across as more than just overwhelmed- you seem to resent your kids and the impact they are having on you.
good luck, and i hope things settle down
I am not even sure if you are going to respond to this if you do I am sure it will be in anger. We just want you to realize how lucky you! Your little girl is not a terd and I can't even imagine telling my child must less my infant to "shut up"!
Be a Mommy!
Tired- good for you for kissing that baby through all the hardship and I know your little one must feel so loved!
I don't think motherhood is easy for anyone. I remember being so tired I would sit up feeding my son and crying hysterically. I was wondering when he was ever going to sleep through the night. My fiance was useless, I did all the work and was resentful towards him but never my baby. I was also getting responses from him and other old school parents on parenting...telling me that I would spoil my son if I didn't put him down or let him cry it out. I remember my fiance telling me he would be spoiled if I put him in our bed to sleep, and remember him getting on my case when he caught me and our son sleeping in our bed. After awhile I told him if he didn't like it than he can see himself out of our house. My bestfriend dealt with the same attitude from her husband and so she sent me a book that saved my sanity. It is called "The Baby Book", it taught me about attachment parenting and about evening fussers and collicky babies. It was my life line and I actually would read my fiance paragraphs from the book to show him that you can't spoil a baby. He learned a lot from it as well. I know you don't have much time to read but it may help you and give you some ideas that will help you during the tough newborn stage. Just know, motherhood is a 24/7 job and although you wind up getting more sleep as they get older and your child becomes more independent, it is always a tough job. But it is a blessing.
The ladies posting before me have put it perfectly....I remember crying for days after my daughter was born, because I was so exhausted. I had never even HELD a baby before she was born, so I had NO idea what I was in for, and after delivering her I bled so much my iron was 4 and my blood pressure was 60/40 which is almost dead. The next 3 weeks were so exhausted and painful (i tore from uterer to anus as well as up almost to my cervix) that I did nothing but cry and shake, and every time my daughter woke up to be breast-fed I felt like my mind was slipping and I was going to lose it. But then she would drift off in my arms and the tears would become joyful because I knew how close I came to dying just as she took her first breaths. It really put things in perspective. I know the first few weeks are going to be hell with an almost-two-year-old and a newborn, but remember what's important and it will help you through the hardest times.
Hang in there, and SPOIL those kids ROTTEN. right now ivy needs reassurance and the baby needs 24/7 spoiling I didn't put my daughter down for like 2 months and she's very well-adjusted and displays very little "spoiled" behavior at 15 months, so I don't regret it one bit. Newborns need spoiling, it's the only time in his life you can spoil him shamelessly and people will tell you you're doing it right :)
I also wanted to agree with the person who said you might want to see about PPD....there's another post from when you were pregnant with Ivy in the teen pregnancy forum which showed a lot of hostility and resentment about your pregnancy and I don't blame you (please don't think I'm bashing you for a 2-year-old post) but it indicates to me that you may have severe depression that you're not dealing with and if you were treated you might find life looks a lot rosier and a lot less overwhelming....please consider it <3
I have to agree with what the ladies have said here. I just wanted to share with you something I went through with my son. Since he was born, he wanted to be held ALL the time and on my shoulder was the best position for him. I always thought he was colic and really gassy or in pain. I would complain to my husband about not sleeping, and how much he used to scream. He would scream and never sleep for more than an hour at a time. I was terribly tired and didn't know what to do. Now I am not saying anything is wrong your son (maybe he is colic), but my son did end up having a rare liver disease and that is why he was always crying and wanted to be held. He was in pain. It broke my heart that I got so upset with him at times. And obviously he couldn't tell me, only by crying. And here I thought he just wanted attention all the time, but I was wrong. We have a long road ahead of us and I cherish every moment now with my children. It has really changed my frame of mind and how I deal with my children now. Since his surgery, he has been such a pleasant baby and finally started sleeping more and even now I can't let him cry for long at all because he could irritate his organs or possibly have a bleed inside. The truth is, babies cry and will cry a lot. We are moms and we are to be there to calm our babies.
My house is turned upside down these days and I'd rather let the dishes pile up and not clean to spend time with my kids. My husband doesn't do dishes or clean really, but I don't let it bother me anymore. He does work all day installing all kinds of flooring. It's a labor intensive job and I shouldn't expect him to come home and clean for me when I have been home all day. Clean when you can. Get a sitter for Ivy and just spend time with Aiden and cuddle him and play with him, get some one on one time. The first few weeks after my son was born, I had to give Jeremiah to my inlaws a few times a week so I could just get some sleep and just focus on Jesse more. Don't feel bad asking for help. You can't be superwoman!! I'd love to be, but I know I am not, I actually need help. You do need a break once in a while, so I hope you have someone around you who can help you out. My husband comes from a large family, so I always ask his brothers or sisters to come over and help me as well.
Hey, hang there!! Soon enough you will look back and think wow, it's wasn't so bad. It's all worth it!! =) (((HUGS))) I know it's tough!!
Okay for all of you who are misunderstanding what I'm saying and assuming I'm negleting my children you're completely off the track.
I take very good care of my kids, all of my attention is towards them 24/7.
NO IT WILL NOT HURT MY KIDS TO CRY ONCE IN A WHILE.
My daughter does infact throw fits for no reason and walks around whining all day for no reason. I brought her time and time again to the doctors thinking something was bothering her and he himself told me THERE'S NOTHING WRONG, if you can comfort her, let her cry.
Inwhich I do because even holding her doesn't cut it most of the time.
She's a whiney baby and there's nothing I can do about it. Some babies whine more than others. What do you want me to do.
My newborn to y'all who seem to think I'm just setting him down all the time and letting him scream his top off, are also completely off track.
I hold him throughout most of my day. I had to do all my christmas shopping with him in my left arm and dragging my shopping crat behind me with my right because he was crying and wanted to be held.
I often feed both of my kids at the same time, breastfeeding on one side, and using my free arm to spoon my daughter's food into her mouth.
I sleep with him in my arm almost every night.
I cook with him in my arm, I use my computer with him in my lap. I crochet with him in my lap or arm. My MIL and I like to work puzzles and I often have to hold him while I'm doing that.
If I could hold him n shower at the same time I'd probably be doing that too.
But if there's something I have to do where he cannot be near me, like while I'm using household cleaners or I'm out for a smoke, if I know I won't be too long, or if I'm losing my patience, then it will not hurt him to sit there and cry for a few minutes while I'm doing whatever or blowing off steam away from my children,
I DO NOT, and if I have to repeat myself, **I DO NOT** mistreat, neglect or abuse my babies.
I was abused and neglected as a child and I've learned from my parents' mistakes and refuse my children to be exposed to any such situation.
I love both of them very very much. And although I get very frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, I would NEVER take it out on them.
And for those of you offended by my language, I'm sorry you feel that way but it's the way me and my family talk.
We all call our kids terds, goobers, boogers, etc.
There's nothing wrong with referring to my toddler as a lil terd. It's better than referring to her as a "Lil sh*t" like I often hear other parents actually CALLING their children to their faces.
I do not address towards my daughter as, "Terd." It's just a name we use when referring to our kids when they're being stubborn or are misbehaving.
When I address her I use her name or her nickname I call her Sugar or Toogers. I never use fowel language in her presence either because she mimiced "Mother F*****" one day when I called her daddy that and that was the cut off right then n there when she was 12 months.
I have alot of emotional problems I will admitt. I am slightly depressed because of my living situation, I'd like to be out on my own instead of living with hubbys parents. But we can't afford it right now.
I have OCD and anxiety.
I have a problem with my temper, so if I lose patience I'd rather set them down and walk away for a few minutes so it doesn't go any further than that.
But none of those are causing me to be spiteful towards my children. I do not resent my kids. I will admitt I wished we wouldn't have ended up having kids this early, but they're here and I love them. It is not their fault that they are here, and I would never take it out on them.
But I do not appreciate all of y'all who are making assumptions, accusations or some of you I felt like you were bashing me, I do not appreciate that. I am a VERY good mother, I am happy to have my kids healthy and thriving, but I am not so happy with some of the things they do. And as a mother I have every right to get frustrated especially when I have a most of the time useless husband and am living like a single mother when I'm NOT a single mother.
Alot of us use this forum to rant about our kids and I don't see everyone else getting bashed.
Now if I were beating up my kids and letting them go dirty and starved, that'd be one thing, but my babies are NOT without. they have a better lifestyle than I ever had and I plan to keep it that way.
I'm sorry if I'm coming off strong but I'm a little dissapointed about how some of you reacted and apparently didn't understand half of what I said.
And another thing about being spoiled, yes babies CAN get into a habit of being held all the time and eventually want nothing but.
I went and am still going through this with my daughter who is now 14 months old and I'll probably end up with the same problem with my 4 weeks old son. So far hes doing the same exact thing my daughter did to me. He's on the Reflux medication now and although his fussyness has lessoned, he still does the crying and shutting up as soon as I pick him up, and cries as soon as I sit him back in his bouncer or swing. He seems to like to be held and I'm not the only one in my family whose gone through this.
And I DON'T tell my newborn to "Shut Up."
I'd be full of myself if I said I were the only parent that would like a screamin baby to hush when you're doing everything you can for them to get them to simmer down and it ain't workin.
I understand your reaction to all of this, and I just wanted to say that I get what you mean.I do NOT think you neglect or abuse your kids, I just wanted to emphasize that it IS okay to spoil your boy at this stage....but then, that's in my experience. Also I did feel it was important to emphasize that it appeared to me that you really need treatment for your depression, and PDD is way worse and far more dangerous than regular depression, which is bad enough. I didn't get a feeling of neglectfulness or abusiveness from you, but from your whole writing "voice" i just got the image of someone completely overwhelmed and upset by her circumstances which, yes, most of us are especially with one young toddler and a newborn, but at the same time you seem even more depressed than I would expect is normal.....I just want you to get the help you need. I don't think you're a bad mom. When I said spoil your kids, I neglected to mention "spoil yourself as well" which you should definitely do once in awhile to keep your sanity. I'm sorry you felt so attacked:(.
i am also sorry that you felt attacked. If you go back and read your original post, especially from the perspective of a stranger, you may understand why these misconceptions exist. Sounds like he's colicky- you may want to research colic and learn some hints to manage it. Can't cure it, but some tricks may help a little until he outgrows it. You may also want to play around with the timing of your cigarettes, since there is very strong evidence that breasfed babies of moms who smoke are much fussier and more likely to be colicky. I think it takes 90 minutes for 1/2 the nicotine to leave your system, so if you smoke do it immediately after a feed. That way the baby will get less nicotine and perhaps be less fussy. While nicotine relaxes us, it upsets baby's tummy and causes aggitation.
best of luck and remember that all many of us have to go on is the content and tone of what you post. I like how ashelen described it- the tone of the original post sounded like you were drowning. Your response, however, is encouraging. This f-you attitude is much stronger and perhaps writing it was even therapeutic for you :)