Pregnant in Graduate School

[RBarron]

I am 27 years old and married. I have about a year and a half left for my PhD and I am expecting my first child in November. Pregnancy is SUCH a taboo topic academia and I was troubled by how a female post-doc reacted yesterday when I brought it up. I was telling her about another student who works from home a lot because she has an 8-month old son and the post-doc rolled her eyes and said "Oh God, one of those." This is a common attitude. I am one of the only female graduate students in my research group, biological/physical oceanography group, and am the only married female. My advisor actually said to me in our first meeting "Please, don't ever talk to me about your personal business. I don't want to know. Don't ever close my office door to tell me your pregnant or something" He was half joking at the time, but I am already dreading having the conversation with him now that it is a reality for me.

They make me feel very judged, like I'm a teenage pregnancy - which my own mother went through when she had me. But I'm a grown up. I planned this pregnancy. I'm finished taking classes and have less than a year of lab work left. I know what I want! I know plenty of men in graduate school who have had children while earning their PhD, but I've never known a women who has done it.

My question is: Has anyone out there had a baby in graduate school or during a tenure track academic carrier? Academic carriers in the sciences? Early carrier professionals/business in male dominated environments?  How have you managed to focus on your family and research? Have you ever felt judged for taking maternity?

[RBarron]

Thank you all for your encouragement. On one hand I care very much what everyone thinks. I'm afraid of my advisor thinking that I'm irresponsible or something. On the other hand, I'm tired of putting my life off for school. I've worked hard to get where I'm at today, but from here, carrier-wise, it looks like it's just going to get harder so whats the point in waiting to have a baby if I'm ready now. I want to experience a normal life and see my parents as grandparents, etc. It's tough for me to be surrounded by people who don't value the same things in life as me. With that said, I'm super excited to be a mom!

[waitn838]

im currently in graduate school and 13 weeks preg...this is my first semester and it was very tough...i had such morning sickness until literally this week...i missed a few classes but my teachers have been understanding

i have a little under a month left of my first semester and i just met with my advisor yesterday about taking off for the fall semester to have the baby...i also brought up my return and how this will affect my degree

im sorry they are being so tough on you and making you feel uncomfortable...preg is supposed to be a happy time and we pay these schools to get educated...

best of luck to you and congrats :)

[JoyRenee]

Wow, sounds like a judgmental and petty group. You're married for crying out loud. Do they seriously expect that married women (and even unmarried women) cannot "have it all"? Or can't have a baby and a career? What you do in your bedroom with your husband is your business, not theirs. When my mother-in-law became pregnant with her fourth child people at their church actually went to complain to the pastor that they were having too many children. You know what she said to them? "If you would like to come to our home and sit in our bedroom and tell us what to do and what not to do then by all means!"  

Ignore the eye rolls, finish your program, and be PROUD to be a mother who has an education and can be an amazing role model to her child(ren). Being a mother is the most gratifying and yet most difficult thing I have ever done. I am 25 and I have three daughters. I wouldn't trade my life for the world. And as I type this my 5-month-old is licking my face. Lovely. Ha ha! I guess that means I need to get off of here.

I just had to reply first and I wish you much luck!

[jrobertson20]

Although I am not in graduate school I am in RN school right now.  I am due in November and have not told them at school yet.  There was a girl a few semesters ago that got pregnant and they treated her the same way you described above when they found out.  I will be done in May 2010 so I don't have that much more to go but I am planning on getting my Masters in about 1 year so I will have a little one running around.  It ***** when you are excited about something and people take it away from you.  I planned my pregnancy as well.  I hope that everything works out well for you and good luck.  Don't let them get you down!!!

[songinmind]

Hi Rachel-

I very much know what you're talking about.  I was in graduate school for Biomedical Sciences and many of my friends went through what you're describing.  I personally completed my masters and left the program (I wasn't dating at that time, so I didn't have to ever break the BFP news), but 7 of my female friends had babies while working on their PhD (or while starting a fellowship).

I think some of it is going to be the culture of the place you are at- and it sounds like you are in a minority (only married female).  I think you sound like you have your head right- this was planned, you're happy about it, and you know what you want to do.

5 of my friends continued on with research and classes while pregnant.  They worked in theie labs up till the last week and things went well.  They took the allowed time at home after delivering and then they all went back to lab work.  2 of the 7 actually took a different approach.  One completed her masters degree and is now a SAHM.  The other took a one year sabbatical and now she's going back to finish (and things are going really well for her- graduates this summer!)

From what they described to me- it was important to treat finishing your PhD like a 'job' rather than 'school'.  If your advisor understands your intentions on how to have this baby and still be successful at your 'job', he will need to accept that.  I think his response did give you a few good clues as to needing to minimize (as much as you can) the drama that can go along with prenancy and not to expect him to empathize when you're having morning sickness!  

If you can, I'd try to make friends with the post-doc with an 8mo.  Sounds like she could be a good resource too, for helping you find daycare referrals, etc.  And hang in there- it can be tough when you have that added pressure of how to handle your job/career and baby on the way.  We can have it both ways these days, thank goodness!