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Second time mommies HELP

Am I extremely selfish for not wanting many visitors at the hospital this time around? I learned he hard way with my daughter (my first born) that company is annoying while trying to bond with baby. I fully intend to breastfeed and many of my visitors (mother and father in law, husband's family, etc) didn't understand why I needed them to step out in the middle of their visit. I'm a private person and didn't like the idea of showing certain people my boobs! I know I'm feeding my baby, but I don't know what goes through their heads. I want this time to be special and private for my husband and me as we get to know our son! My mom will be in the room when I deliver to take pictures for us, but that's the only reason and she understands my want for privacy. Am I taking this to far?
12 Responses
Avatar universal
I agree with you girl the bonding is a must when are u do
Avatar universal
Not selfish at all! I to am ready to have my second and we will not be having everyone ing he hospital when he is born! I was so overwhelmed when my daughter (my 1st) was born and I refuse to go through that again! Stand your ground girl most people should understand!
Avatar universal
You are not being selfish AT ALL. You need the chance to bond with your baby!! Everyone else will have their turn but they need to respect your wishes! First time round I had a real time of it with the mother in law, who like you say, just couldn't understand there were certain aspects she couldn't be part of (breastfeeding etc). This time round I'm actually going to be giving birth alone (with doctors and midwives) partly because the dad will stay with our first child, partly because we have no family near by to look after first child but also a small notion of having baby all to myself for a little while right after birth. That initial bond is SO important!
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My husband family doesn't understand boundaries. I really don't want anyone up there with me this time either. I really just want my it to be my husband and son. I know that's not how it is going to be. I don't mind when she is born because I understand the excitement. But I think I'm going to have to set up rules. Which hubs will proudly enforce. I don't think he wants anyone up there at all other than the 3 of us.
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I don't blame you, the only reason I allow them to come visit in the hospital is so I don't have to deal with them in my home for awhile! My husbands family are just clueless when it comes to privacy and respecting my wishes and constantly make me uncomfortable. BUT in the hospital there's visiting hours, so they can't pop in at the crack of dawn like they'd like to, and they have to leave at some point. Those two days in the hospital with my first is how I got all the required "family time" my husband insists on out of the way because if I told him I didn't want them around he'd say it was rude (too bad). And then when we go home no one bugs us too bad to "come see the baby" because they just did and I can tell them that we need some time alone after the hospital
Avatar universal
I dont blame you...my first time giving birth it was my bf my mom my sister and my dad was drunk. It was so aggravating and I was coping with the pain until my bf and dad showed up drunk. Then I had no choce but to get the spinal tap. It ruined my birthing experience. This time since my husband is in jail I really don't want anyone there with the exception of my children's god mother. She is in a different state but if she can't make it, guess I'll be giving birth dolo.
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I don't blame you one bit only our parents are allowed to come visit and have to with notice this time last time after our golden hour all of our families rushed in I refuse to do that again.
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I'm due November 19, only ten short weeks to get this sorted out. My mother in law will pitch a huge fit when we tell her we don't want anyone there immediately when the baby is born.. We literally had to ask her to leave the delivery room right before I had my daughter and she was back thirty minutes after I had her while we were breastfeeding and doing skin to skin.. This time I want at least two hours to bond with my baby boy and my husband. I definitely want my daughter (who will be 18 mos) to meet her brother before my mother in law as well. I have a feeling there is going to be a big fight but when it's all said and done this is my baby and things will go the way I want them to (hopefully). My hubby fully supports my wishes.
Avatar universal
You're not selfish at all. They have all the time in the world to meet the baby, and if they can't respect how you feel, then they shouldn't go up there at all. I personally don't mind all the visitors (my family is big), but when I need to breast feed, they tend to be understanding. This time around I plan to not let anyone meet him until his sister gets to. And if anyone has a problem with that. They can leave. Your husband should be supportive of how you feel too.
Avatar universal
I told everyone no visitors till the 2nd day. I'm doing the same with my daughter this time around as well.
6768251 tn?1468629314
You are most definitely NOT selfish. You're the one who is gong through the pain of labor, the least anyone could do is to give you your time to recover in peace.

I feel I'm lucky in not having to voice this particular issue directly to my mother in law and other family/friends because my birthing center doesn't allow anyone in the room except the birthing mother and significant other for at least 3 hours after delivery (unless you request otherwise, of course). They want to make sure you have AT LEAST one hour of skin to skin with baby and to make sure mom is doing well before letting visitors in. I'll be sending good vibes your way in hopes of getting your relatives to understand your point of view. Good luck!
Avatar universal
Get the nurses on your side! If you let your nurse know the situation and your wishes they'll keep your mother in law out until you tell them you want her in. She absolutely should not be able to force her way into the room
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