Aa
So Lonely
Hello Ladies. This is my first post and I'm 20 years old and I'm 9 weeks and 5 days. Me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight on Saturday and we haven't spoke since. He's my only support during my pregnancy because my family won't once they find out. I know I shouldn't be stressing, but I can't help it. We've been together for almost 2 years and it kills me that I won't have him to lean on. What do I do?
I have no opinion on the discussion/arguing going on above...just to your original post. You're young, and I think you will probably need support from the people around you, just like that little baby is going to need you to be strong for her. Moms do what they have to do, that's the nature of motherhood, so you'll learn. And I'm 34, and although I'm highly independent, both financially and otherwise, undoubtedly I'll need the people around me and particularly my family, so don't be afraid to lean a little and ask for guidance and help.
Kids are tough sometimes, and you do need people to help you through it, even if it's just so you don't go off the deep end when your little one ends up with colic and is screaming your ear off lol. I'm doing this as a single woman too, and I think the idea is always a little scary, but we'll make it work because we'll have to. It's as simple as that. Also realize that even if you and your boyfriend/ex don't work it out, you don't have to in order to parent together. My ex and I are becoming good friends outside of a relationship, and trying to put our daughter's best interests above all else, and I actually think we'll be excellent parents, though do it in a slightly untraditional way. If he's not capable of doing that, just always remember that your baby is the most important thing here and do whatever you have to in order to make it through, including getting child support from him. It's his child too, and at least financially, he should help to raise her.
Also realize that long-term planning is going to be important for you; make sure you're (still?) working on school or some sort of skill that can help support you and the baby, so you're able to be independent one day and raise your child the way you want.
Kids are tough sometimes, and you do need people to help you through it, even if it's just so you don't go off the deep end when your little one ends up with colic and is screaming your ear off lol. I'm doing this as a single woman too, and I think the idea is always a little scary, but we'll make it work because we'll have to. It's as simple as that. Also realize that even if you and your boyfriend/ex don't work it out, you don't have to in order to parent together. My ex and I are becoming good friends outside of a relationship, and trying to put our daughter's best interests above all else, and I actually think we'll be excellent parents, though do it in a slightly untraditional way. If he's not capable of doing that, just always remember that your baby is the most important thing here and do whatever you have to in order to make it through, including getting child support from him. It's his child too, and at least financially, he should help to raise her.
Also realize that long-term planning is going to be important for you; make sure you're (still?) working on school or some sort of skill that can help support you and the baby, so you're able to be independent one day and raise your child the way you want.
You cannot compare her situation with the other woman's we are here as I understand this app to help each other by experiences we have gone through not what we think is going to happened and I think you should know how to say things without sounding like it she or anyother woman on here are not strong enough dont you think they get we get that enough in the world you don't know anything but what is posted on this wall and I feel that we should help each other not make each other feel worst..you don't know her bf and you don't know her help her grow if ur really concerned help her see their is light after the storm I don't understand how you just jumped into motherhood is going to be though thinking that way she is young she doesn't know what to expected...their are those fights when you know your wrong and your tripping duh even men know that yes a argument can be one persons fault how do I know because I've done I have picked a fight with my husband over something dumb and little and I apologize for the same way he does when he is wrong so don't make it seem like he is the one with the problem like I said you don't know them don't be so quick to judge
I was just writing to a gal who is working and going to school and married to a guy who yells at her constantly, tells her she is worthless and stupid (she has a degree and he doesn't), doesn't do much around the house, is snide to her in front of their little daughter, scares the daughter so much that the child doesn't want her dad to help her get to bed, etc. And the woman was wondering how much of this she was supposed to take.
Reading what Honeybadger said, it sounded like she was willing to shoulder all the blame in what she describes as a relationship-killing fight, just to get him to come back. I don't think anyone is ever 100% to blame in a huge fight. A pregnant woman deserves better than a guy who will fight with her and disappear.
I wasn't saying her family would fail her. I was saying he has, and possibly she should not be so eager to bend over backwards to get him to come back, because guys like that turn into husbands like the other poster's, and the woman always shoulders most of the work and all of the blame and all of the guilt, and it is simply not fair. Women don't deserve to have everything be dumped on them.
If this is the way you understood my comments and you still think that they are harsh, well, I do think women are too easily manipulated by men out of fear of being alone, and will say that statement. I am not saying this poster is, but it is endemic in a society like ours, where little girls are taught to be nice and little boys are taught to be tough.
Reading what Honeybadger said, it sounded like she was willing to shoulder all the blame in what she describes as a relationship-killing fight, just to get him to come back. I don't think anyone is ever 100% to blame in a huge fight. A pregnant woman deserves better than a guy who will fight with her and disappear.
I wasn't saying her family would fail her. I was saying he has, and possibly she should not be so eager to bend over backwards to get him to come back, because guys like that turn into husbands like the other poster's, and the woman always shoulders most of the work and all of the blame and all of the guilt, and it is simply not fair. Women don't deserve to have everything be dumped on them.
If this is the way you understood my comments and you still think that they are harsh, well, I do think women are too easily manipulated by men out of fear of being alone, and will say that statement. I am not saying this poster is, but it is endemic in a society like ours, where little girls are taught to be nice and little boys are taught to be tough.
Wow anniebrooke you DO NOT need to be so harsh how can you be "concerned" about her sounds to me like ur just being judge mental you should keep your "concerned" to your self she is hormonal you don't know her at all and I understand what she is saying when I was pregnant with my daughter my husband and I had to be away from each other I had to stay with my family and I NEEDED HIM SO MUCH it would hurt I don't know were you get off questioning her as a mother this is her first child and she mite be afraid and worried like most young mothers are....
As for honeybadgermom don't worry to much u guys had it fight it happeneds trust me I've had my share with my hubby especially with my daughter everything will work itself out don't stress you don't need that right now keep doing what you have to do for u and ur baby to keep ur self busy and about your family give them a chance ppl can surprise you my 17year old sister just told us she was pregnant my mom was upset and hurt she doesn't agree with her having a baby so young but although she isn't to happy that her 17year old is pregnant she is also trying to help....GOOD LUCK TO YOU don't let ignorant ppl with ignorant comments make you worry or doubt your self CONGRATULATIONS.
if u need to talk or vent feel free to inbox me I'm here to listen
As for honeybadgermom don't worry to much u guys had it fight it happeneds trust me I've had my share with my hubby especially with my daughter everything will work itself out don't stress you don't need that right now keep doing what you have to do for u and ur baby to keep ur self busy and about your family give them a chance ppl can surprise you my 17year old sister just told us she was pregnant my mom was upset and hurt she doesn't agree with her having a baby so young but although she isn't to happy that her 17year old is pregnant she is also trying to help....GOOD LUCK TO YOU don't let ignorant ppl with ignorant comments make you worry or doubt your self CONGRATULATIONS.
if u need to talk or vent feel free to inbox me I'm here to listen
I'm pretty troubled by your comments about needing to depend on your family because your boyfriend, who was your support, is gone. Can't you stand on your own? Because there are going to be a thousand times or more as a mommy that you are going to have to be your own support and depend on yourself. This is true whether someone is married or single. I've been married for years, and have needed to do things alone so often for my son since he has been born. Taken him to the hospital alone because Daddy was at work and couldn't get away, taken him to all his routine appointments alone, gotten him to preschool on bad mornings alone, gotten him to bed alone, dealt with household emergencies with him hanging on my hem, no Daddy in sight. My husband travels some on his job, but most of what I had to handle alone was when he was in town. And there are the late nights where you try to figure out your life and whether you are doing the right thing, and boy are you alone then, even if Daddy and child are sleeping upstairs. Please think again about your plan for the baby. I am really concerned because the way you are talking, you NEED someone to lean on, to the extent that you are stressed about whether your boyfriend will "forgive you" (the implication being it was all your fault ... is an argument ever just one person's fault? I don't think so). I'm thinking this need is going to make motherhood much harder for you.
Thank you both so much. I've been looking for a job and haven't been successful in finding one yet. I live with my family but I would eat with him, sleep over with him....he was my support. Now I have to depend on my family which is strange. I'm gonna give it a few more days and see where it leads. I hope it was just a stupid fight and he can forgive me.
Be sure to keep this information with your doc/OB...they care about your mental health too! A huge fight just a few days ago is okay. You are both stressed, this is life changing. Give him another day or two to clear his head, then approach him. Work on forging some new relationships or building some old back up. Pregnancy is never a time to feel aone. Surround yourself with those that love you.
First is to decide what you will do if he is no longer in your life, period. Would you want to put the baby up for adoption or keep the child, and if so, how will you support the two of you? Do you have a good job now and an apartment, or are you still living at home? If home is going to be uncomfortable for you once your family knows, what kind of plan do you have about that? My strongest suggestion is to find a counselor and run through all of this, have a few appointments to do values clarification and lay things out and make some plans.
After you do that, I'd look for a new-mommy group in your area and join it. The support of others who are going through the same thing can be invaluable.
After you do that, I'd look for a new-mommy group in your area and join it. The support of others who are going through the same thing can be invaluable.
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