Unforgiveable (long)

[JalissaEarly]

I have a situation. Today is a really horrible day, well yesterday was. Okay, so I have a "content" relationship with my mother. I am 22 yrs old and I need some advice. I am married and first time mom. My husband doesn't have a family he is the last of his family with his last name and are having a boy. I am due April 12th. I am excited. However, my mother is taking a toll on my life, marriage and her relationship with her unborn grandson. My mother hasn't been the greatest mom growing up. She went from having children at 16 yrs old to deciding she was a lesbian after 4 kids. My mom since then has been a straight up man basher. I have a 31 yr old brother who barely associates with her because my mother is mean. I literally mean mean. We got into an argument tonight on her not understanding that I wanted some alone time and I made it clear that I do not want family who only call me on birthdays or holidays to call me when my child is born. I can't and choose not to have inconsistent family around my son due to my past and my husbands past. We want a loving family around him. Well a little background on my mom. she hates men, she doesn't do anything with her first grandchild; when I went to see her she wouldn't stop smoking around me. Everything is about her (oh and when I asked her when I was 6 weeks pregnant to be at my sons birth she told me she couldnt make it.). I refuse to move to her state because at the time when my sister was living with her who is 25 yrs old with a 7 yr old. She kicked her and my niece out and left my niece hungry and I sent money to help out.Tonight we got into an argument because I am nesting. I need time alone and I am enjoying myself. She personally thinks I don't want to speak to her. Again she makes it about her. I told her I honestly just need time alone so I shut my phone off for a few days and I told her if I need anything I will call her. Tonight she got so mad that I have been feeling that way and thats when her real feelings started to show. She told me I wasn't S*** and I don't have s*** because I gave up my car that I owed way too much on and got a newer car (had 2 cars). I gave up $100 cellphone bill for $45 and put school on hold to get certified in real estate. She called me weak. She called my husband all out his name because she doesn't like the fact I put my marriage before her. She thinks I should make choices with her instead of my husband. She blamed everything on my husband. She is upset that his family gets to hold the baby first because she isn't there. keep in mind I asked her the be there when I was 6 weeks along and she automatically told me no because she had to work. She didn't even try to plan. She kept getting my hopes up and down. She gets mad when I don't want to do something like move next to her because of convenience. She doesn't get the fact I am married and started a life because she's gay. Welll this is the second time she told me she should have aborted me and my twin brother and my sister. My mom isn't nice. She doesn't call us by our names. She gets mad and call us M'fer. It's true and sad. I've been trying to cut her off for years but I have unconditional love for her. She really sunk low when she was smiling in my face and then told me my life suck because I don't make 60k a year and drive a high end truck and live in a 4 bedroom house like she does. She's taken advantage of me. Everytime something bad happens she throws in our face how much she has done for my sister and brothers that she didn't have to do. How I got here by rape which I never like to hear because it makes me look at my dad different.. How reality is about to smack me in the face because I refuse help from someone like her. She says my husband brainwashed me because I wont move where she is and because I am letting him take care of me and not depending on myself. I had a mental breakdown at 19 yrs old w/o her knowing. I wonder what you guys think I should do. My husband wants me to cut her off because she makes me unhappy and she doesn't do anything for her first grandchild and how she treats her children. I want to keep a relationship with her because the paternal grandma is not around for similar reasons.My mom has taken money from me, called us ungrateful son's of b****s, m'fers, abuse her girlfriends financially. She thinks that all men are dogs and that people should take care of her.

What should I do about my relationship with her. Because after simply calling me to tell me she was going to make it. She simply bashed my life and told me I f****d my life up and I shouldnt have gotten married to a man I've been with for almost 7yrs. She did not even come to my wedding because she needed the money to get her hair done the day before my wedding. After I begged her for months. I've tried to forgive her.But I can't. I feel bad.....

[Miss_mom1]

I think you already know what you should do. Follow what your gut says. When it comes to family, your heart can be deceiving. She is literally abusing you. Your child doesnt need to see that type of relationship, nor does he/she need to think that its okay to call you names. The best you can do is seperate yourself and pray that she will learn how to be an appropriate parent one day.

[bunnykissy]

Talking☆ ughh it's getting harder to type on this phone.

[bunnykissy]

Wow your mom is straight up evil. Seriously I would get some counseling and cut her out your life entirely.  You don't deserve to be treated like that. Not everyone can be or wants to be a fit parent. There's nothing wrong with ralkung to a professional. They will help you move on. It's time to grieve the mother you wish you had and accept your mother for what she is. Goodluck hun.

[JalissaEarly]

Thanks ladies. That cons list is longer than the positives. Not only that but I'm facing an even bigger but pettier problem. As I stated she doesn't want my husbands family to hold the baby first because he has no family biologically left. That's so stupid. I don't even want her coming to the hospital. I simply want nothing to do with her. She doesnr like who I'm married to after 6yrs she is mean. I feel a lot better. People have been telling me to respect her cause she's my mother. However,i won't respect someone that wanted to abort me and degrade my life and disrespect someone who's done more for me than herself.

[lwolfe520]

If I was in your situation I would cut her out of my life
She has nothing good or positive to bring to the situation
sit down and write a pros and cons list see which one is longer and maybe you seeing on paper exactly all the negativity she brings in  your life you can then decide what to do
I had to do that with a very good fiend I had. We had been friends for years id say about 17 years but it was a one way friendship and I was the one always giving and trying.  One day I snapped it was my birthday and she treated me like sh** that day and I literally sat there and asked myself why? Why keep giving when I get nothing in return but negativity
my friend gave me a friendship booklet written by Dr. Randy Carlson and that little booklet gave me the advice and strength I needed to end my friendship
And when I ended it I was done
no turning back I completely made her dead to me. You know even in the bible it says if someone does you wrong go to them if they deny being wrong, get a witness if they still deny being wrong take the problem to your pastor at church if they still deny being wrong it is ok to treat that person like a tax collector.
You dont have to forever put up with someone who hurts you and doesn't take accountability for their actions. And I also love Dr.Phils advice "Children would rather come from a  broken home than to live in one" and so that quote goes for your baby. Your baby deserves better and doesn't need all this negativity from her your baby will get love from other people and from you and your husband.

[Sandersss]

Im sorry but i would unfortunately cut her out of your life. You don't want so much negativity around your son later in life. I know its hard just letting go of your mama. Trust me i haven't had the greatest mom either. But sometimes you simply got to walk away and do whats best for you and and your family. You can love and pray for her in a distance but you don't have to include or tell her anything, especially when you do and all she does is bash you and pretty much degrades you. Please stop putting yourself through that. Be strong, for you and your son. Hoping and praying for the best for you three!

[JalissaEarly]

I'm a very humble down to earth young lady. I don't need material to show ppl who I am. I told her that. She said reality will smack me in the face cause we haven't bought a house and yada yada ya..

[JalissaEarly]

I feel like I'm about to go into labor right now. She literally had me in tears. I did nothing wrong. I canr stand how she is and who she is anymore. I've had enough. I really wanted my son to have at least 1 grandparent. I feel like she shouldn't have told me I should have been aborted and how I was made. It scarred me. If its not about her she is angry and holds a grudge. She bashes my dad all the time. She's so hateful. The only time I see when she cares about someone is when she takes care of her patients. I swear our relationship is like Meredith Grey and Ellis Grey from Greys Anatomy that's worse x10. I feel bad for myself because I care so much and I'm forcing this relationship. She said I've been messed up since I got married.

[littlegrape]

I know she is your mother but I don't think she is worth the stress especially so close to your due date. It's your life you should be able to devide what you want to do and it should be your choice