I'm still here in Virginia. Will probably be here until Sunday morning unless the hospital comes up wtih something else I HAVE to take care of before I leave. I already had to reschedule my weekly ob appt that I was supposed to have today. The kids and I need to get back to Georgia, atleast for a little bit. My oldest needs to attend atleast part of band camp so they don't kick her out of themarching band this coming year. My current youngest has his birthday in a few days, plus my doc appt and one for one of them. Mostly I think we ALL need a break, to be at home in our own beds with our own belongings and not being cramped up in this little bitty mobile home that's so cluttered there's barely any room to breath let alone move.
Anyway, they have been tweaking my moms medications this week. Raising and lowering doses and increasing and decreasing frequencies in order to find the right combination to stabilize her pain management but not have her doped beyond oblivion. They started her on Ativan (anti-anxiety) on Tuesday. They were giving it intravenously and immediately she was out and has been asleep for I'd say a good 95% of the time since then. She's barely woken up to eat. I spoke with her doctor today...first time in person. I was pleased to hear that he is backing off some of the meds in order to make her more coherent. He said that he can tell my mom is a very independent person and likes to have control of things and it concerns him that she's been so delirious. But that he also wants to ensure that she's not in severe pain either. That made me feel better about him having HER best interests in mind.
I was finally able to ask him about her condition. I have also found a list she had written with her symptoms for the past few months prior to going to the hospital. She mentioned pain in her chest, difficulty breathing/panting,severe abdominal pain and that at first she thought she was gaining weight then she thought she bloated but then her abdomen got hard and severely painful. She mentioned right side pain and severe headache. The doctor said that she has masses (not the word he used but can't remember if he said tumors specifically or not) in her lungs, that her liver has been taken over by the cancer cells and is not filterint properly, therefore it is retaining water and is very enlarged which explains the abdominal pain. They did do a bone scan that showed some activity in that area as well. I asked him realistically about time becuase I've been told 6 months and 2-6 months. He said not to let anyone give me a number but that in her case, it's a matter of weeks...could be short weeks could be long weeks and she could easily deteriorate very rapidly.
They have been talking about finding a skilled nursing facility to put her in, in the event that they are able to stabilize her enough for transport. They know mine and my brothers wishes of transporting her to Georgia to stay wtih me and if they can get her to where she can handle that they are willing to help with arrangements BUT it would have to be a car ride becuase it wouldn't be medical transport, HOWEVER, my brother mentioned chartering a small helicopter to fly her down....he's a pilot for the army and has a private pilots license. Even tho he's gone back to afghanistan I'm hoping if it gets to that point and they feel she could handle the short flight as opposed to the car ride that he could take a few days leave to do that.
I know that if thye put her in a nursing facility the state will take her disability check and put liens on her personal property. I'm trying to remove all the important stuff before it gets to that. I was able to sell her car and while my brother wants to put that money aside (not much just a couple thousand) to use to repair her trailer when he gets home in november, I will probably end up using it for transportation costs to come up here to take care of things between now and then. He'll just have to get over it.
Hopefully they will be able to get my mom coherent enough to answer some questions for me. I want to make sure that my brother and I respect her wishes to the best of our abilities. This has been a little strange since my brother and I have not seen each other in 9 years and we've only spoken on the phone, literally, a handful of times. I'm hanging in there as best I can. I've had some moments where I've broken down and felt so overwhelmed but I keep reminding myself "suck it up, do what you gotta do NOW and break down later" I feel pulled in a gazillion directions and I'm exhausted - between dealing with the kids, the doctors, the hospice people, trying to figure out Mom's finances, going through her things, etc etc I'm just constantly on the move from about 7 am until around midnight. Then when I lay down to go to sleep I either can't get comfortable or can't shut my mind off long enough TO fall asleep.
sorry this is a novel, I just finally had to take a few minutes to eat a decent meal and relex a bit. Now it's back to the 42 million things I still have to do.