Want child

[Donnaob]

Hi, i am new here but looking for some support. I know most people will not agree to this question, but here it goes. I just went through a M/C May 2008, it was a surprise to me that i was prgegnant, but I wanted the baby so bad. I am not married, but dating the father of the baby we lost. I have been marrried and yes it is nice to be married, but isn't something that is important to me. The father and i have talked about trying again, i'm almost 31, he is 30. I have a 10 year old, so I know having a child is hard work. But I am thinking people will think I am crazy for trying to have a baby when I am not married. The guy I am dating is wonderful and will not just walk away. Am I nuts? Please no nasty advice, please be kind. I know I am still hurting from the lose and don't plan on trying for like 5 months or so.

Thank you!

[MrsGordon524]

Although I am married now, I have had 4 previous miscarriages while unwed. Women have been having and raising children out of wedlock for centuries. Some of our greatest leaders have been raised by single, unwed women. Be proud of who you are and that you have the mindset an ability to want to raise a child in the manner you see fit. Good luck to you and your significant other.

[Donnaob]

Thank you all for you support and comments, it was very helpful!!!

[Katrine402]

hey hunni i'm am very sorry about ur loss.  i think that if having a baby will make both of u giys happy the u shouldn't be bothered about wot people are gonna think me n my bf are also trying for a baby, and yes i would really love to marry but we shall do that some time in the future, anyway babydust to you hun :)
x

[LosingMyMindInGA]

You're not nuts and you're also not alone.  There are just as many (if not more) women who are planning, trying and having children with b/f's and fiancees than there are married ones.  If you're b/f agrees I see no reason why you shouldn't.  Not everyone believes that marriage is the end all be all and must be done.  Do what you feel is best for you.

[JoyRenee]

There are a lot of unwed women (both pregnant and trying to conceive) here. I don't think you'll be judged at all! You're an adult who can make decisions for herself. That being said, miscarriages are pretty common (every woman has at least one, with or without her knowledge in her lifetime). So just becuase you miscarried once doesn't mean it will necessarily happen again! I had my precious daughter (she's 15 months old) after a miscarriage and I'm very fortunate and blessed to have her! (I also have a 3 year old daughter).

[Donnaob]

Thank you durhamjk1 and Laura, i agree i need to wait a while for my body to heal and to deal with the lose. I do really want a baby, and this really made me realize how much I did.

Laura, good luck with telling your dad.  I am sorry to hear you are no longer with the father, hopefully he will be there for the baby.  You are a grown woman and your dad will talk to you. It isn't what our parents would hope for us, but he will love you no matter what!!!  Good luck Laura with telling your dad and your baby!!!

Thank you both very much!!

[LauraB78]

I personally am in a situation where I am pregnant (9 weeks) and I am no longer with this childs Father. I think if YOU feel you are in a loving and committed relationship, marriage doesn't matter.. It's a personal choice and you have to do what is right for YOU.. I NEVER in a million years thought I would end up and unwed single Mother.. NEVER. I am the first person in my entire family to get pregnant out of wedlock, and I haven't even told my Dad yet.. I am scared he will refuse to ever speak to me again and I am a grown woman!! Luckily, most families nowadays are a bit more liberal than mine.

In terms of trying again, I would definitely wait a couple months.. Your body does need time..

But as far as ttc in the future, I say if you and your boyfriend are ready.. Go for it..

Good luck and a speedy recovery to you.. I am sorry for your loss.

[durhamjk1]

I would give your body some time to heal. I am no doctor, but if you just m/c last month then you may need to wait and give your body and emotions some time to adjust to the huge change it just went through.  Then after some time, if you still want a baby than I believe that it is your choice.  I personally just think it is too soon after m/c to make such a decision.  Good luck and I hope that i helped :)