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2216256 tn?1339389394

Worried and Upset :/

Don't judge me... If you don't agree with something that is going on in my life... feel free to go elsewhere.

My boyfriend on 1 year today, and the father of my unborn child (26 weeks along) act very loving. We kiss, we cuddle, he talks about marriage, and spending the rest of our lives together. He tells me he loves me multiple times a day... in the romantic aspect things haven't changed. But... since I became pregnant... it seems like he doesn't .. "like" me. In the past I've caught him looking at internet pornography, since then he's been very careful to delete his browsing history. I had even told him I didn't care if he looked at it, that I'd even watch it with him... he still hid it and even after I caught him he denied that he did. We live together and he doesn't do it at home, we are usually always together. Before my pregnancy we had sex at least once a day. Yes there were a few days when we didn't but that was rare. Now... it seems like he doesn't want anything to do with me. I give him hints that I'm in the mood, whether it be biting his neck or actually grabbing his "stuff" and saying that I do, but it still doesn't seem to sway him. I've talked to him about it because it REALLY upsets me. I'm lucky to get sex once a week now. He says it's nothing and it's not the fact that I'm pregnant, he's not worried about hurting the baby and he says hes still very attracted to me. I guess I just don't believe him. I guess I just think he's... taking care of himself at work? I don't know how to handle this... and it's really tearing me apart. Tonight on our anniversary... he didn't even seem slightly interested... and we were just looking at rings? Help please... I don't know anymore... :(
7 Responses
1891853 tn?1344648442
Maybe he actually is worried about hurting the baby? But just doesn't want to show that concern. I don't know him so idk why he would lie about it, but men don't like to show that they are scared lol. My boyfriend doesn't look at or touch my belly if the baby is kicking cause it freaks him out haha. So maybe you're boyfriend is just a lil scared? If he is still showing interest in marrying you and looking at rings with you, i wouldn't worry! Sorry you're having a tough time though.
134578 tn?1614729226
It sounds like you are taking this as evidence he is cheating.  Some men identify a pregnant woman as "mommy" so much that the part of them that says "sexy girlfriend" in their head when they see her is totally switched off during the pregnancy.  This does not mean he won't find you exciting once the baby is born and you get your usual body back.  

Grabbing his stuff and asking him is just going to make him feel pressured.  If you can't get sex by looking enticing or being close emotionally, you probably aren't going to get it, while you are pregnant.  

You get to decide how to take this.  He is clearly doing his best to stay with you.

If you think his interest switch will stay at the "off" position even after the baby comes and you get your pre-baby body back, and if this is the deal-breaker for you that it sounds like, then don't get married until after the baby comes and you see how he reacts to you.  If the sexual attraction is back, then just shrug it off as the way he reacts to a pregnant woman, get married, and expect it to happen when you're pregnant.

Anyway, though it is not particularly good news for your sex life if your guy responds to you only as a maternal figure when you're pregnant, it's better news than if he were cheating on you.
2095738 tn?1339825243
Just as girls go through ups and downs with sex drives during pregnancy, a guy can too. Although you're not just finding out you're preg, it still takes a guy to completely adjust. His mind could just be preoccupied with everything coming up in life, which are all very big steps. He might say he doesn't believe he will hurt the baby, but a lit of guys wouldn't admit it anyways. He's still coming to you once a week so I wouldn't assume him to be cheating or anything drastic unless there's other leads to it and from the sounds of it, there isn't or he wouldn't still be involved with looking at rings and distance himself. Did you try to tell him it hurt your feelings? Usually if a girl can be openly vulnerable about her feelings, a guy can return it and he may just say what exactly has been on his mind.
2095738 tn?1339825243
Takes a while for a giy to completely adjust to the idea***
2095738 tn?1339825243
Guy** grr meds are kicking in sorry
2216256 tn?1339389394
I don't think he's cheating.. i just think hes pleasuring himself. I hope that this is all it is though. I know I'm not attractive anymore so hoping having the baby and losing the weight will turn his head back my way.  I've tried talking to him about it but he says its nothing like that and then has sex with me as a way to shut me up it seems. I don't know... maybe I'm just over reacting and being oober emotional... damn pregnancy hormones lol. Thank y'all for the advise... just feel fat and ugly :/
1806883 tn?1458321004
I agree with anniebrooke, some men cant bring themselves to have sex with their partners while they are pregnant for various reasons, while others cant get enough of their pregnant partners, one of my ex's, as soon as I found out I was pregnant would move over to the other size of the bed as though I had some bad disease, it made me feel awful as well (note I said ex lol ), he is probably saying its not that, as he doesnt want to hurt you, not realising that by not telling you how he's really feeling, thats hhurting you  anyway, its a tough place to be in
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