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4928337 tn?1362751166

age/ young mothers.

So please don't take this wrong. We are all young! But I am seeing more and more very young mothers or preggers. And just want to now how it makes everyone feel. My sisters entire class seems pregnant. 15-17 years of age. I know age doesn't define the type of mother you are! I was 16 and pregnant and am now 22 with my 3rd on the way. But I'm established and been married since my first. I get a lot of negative looks comments ex ex. But even I sometimes look at these girls who look fresh out of middle school and want to just hug them up cause their just looking so young.  I am terrified because I want the best for my own daughter! But would never turn her away if she came to me with a baby issue and would never push abortion or anything its her choice! But guess I just wanted to know how it made everyone feel even you super young mommas how are you feeling. I know I was so lost and alone at 16.
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4476664 tn?1361632949
Can I just say, that I believe this is the most productive post I have ever seen........and the realest, aside from posters with questions, of course
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4476664 tn?1361632949
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4928337 tn?1362751166
This was never meant to offend anyone. Or to be judgemental.
I was 16 and pregnant with my first as everyone stated we all mostly had the same issues and struggles. We are not any better than them/you. When I say I see a 13-16 year old girl I do want to hug her up and give her nothing but support. Its hard! A very hard but rewarding journey. Wonderful points have been stated. And I love reading all your points of view. And am happy it has been a very civil rewarding post.
Facts are any age can woman up and be an amazing mommy. Never denied that in any way. Im just simply stating the rise in this is extremely high. And I only wish for the very best for my daughter. I want her to be care free and live and love and make mistakes and all that. But pregnancy is a life long commitment and wish for her to wait until she is no longer home or an adult (18 years of age) or as long as she pleases. I think that's how it should be. Not trying to judge  those not in the perfect situation. ( I wasn't with my first) but I've learned a lot! And only wish to pass my lessons on to my own :) my husband and I would not trade our life or children for any thing in this world. I don't feel we missed anything important. We both have diplomas and have been married nearly 6 years. My youngest is 5 and a kindergartner now :) my children bring me such joy. And I'm more than proud to be a young mother whom fought hard to strive and succeed at  it.  But just because I was able doesn't mean I would wish it upon any young girl.

All your story's are amazing and I continue to wish you all the very best of luck in pregnancy no matter your age!
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Avatar universal
I had my GED, a job, & boyfriend of a year before becoming pregnant. It was not planned, but some of us young girls ARE established, I DON'T worry about the fun experiences I'll miss out on, I AM engaged, enrolled in community college for fall, I may be young but what's the difference if I start my family now in comparison to 3 years from now, I'll be in the same situation. It isn't about "what's in" or "what's cool" me, & the teen mothers I know, understand the responsibility & everything that comes with being a parent. Not everyone is a good parent, but the girls I know work harder than a lot of middle aged mothers to give their child everything. I know this sounded snooty, I'm just making it known not every teenage girl is a shallow l, irresponsible student who can't handle this.
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Avatar universal
Hi I had my first child at 15. I now have two beautiful boys and I'm 25 weeks with my girl.  In now 22, still with all my baby's dad who works full time and i am studying catering at college.  Its been hard and i do wish I'd waited to have my kids. But don't regret it, they're the best thing that's happened to me xx
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4965377 tn?1368754511
I'm 18 & 8w5d with my first, my fiancée whom we've decided to wait until I'm 21 (my idea) to get married because we live in a town house getting our credit up before we build our "dream house" well garage with loft then our dream house lol.
I don't have a job nor did I finish high school I plan on going to get my GED & go to collage to be a cosmetologist or nurse I'm not sure yet. Its exciting I can't wait to find out what were having. He already has a 3 year old son so I want a girl. (: lol
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4476664 tn?1361632949
@baby1130.....I'm happy you made that turn around for you and of course the baby. It is hard work doing it alone and young. Hell I'm  26 and its difficult, but the drive and determination that most of us Moms pick up is amazing : )
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Avatar universal
Before the baby I was in a really really bad place I was young immature running around living life like crazy drinking every night partying then this test came back positive I laughed and brushed it off but I never thought my baby would change me. I always said imma let my kid drink imma drink with my kid an get high imma be a "cool" mom but ask me now if that's the way I feel today and my answer is heck no I can't believe till this day that I changed I was so immature and only cared about myself and getting drunk. I still ask myself how when did I change. What I'm trying to say is that if it wasn't for my little one maybe I wouldn't be here today I'm glad I had my baby even if I was young. But one thing I do wanna say to those teen moms that think its "cool" to have babys so young. Live ur life girls don't get pregnant that's not the way it though its not easy going to school and having to study and take care of a baby at the same time. Your "friends" don't come around ur "boyfriend" walk away an now ur standing here alone trying to keep ur head above water. Diapers are expensive. Nothing is cheap an u can't explain to a little one u have no money for formula or diapers they don't care they don't know. I also lived in a fantasy world I got pregnant young an because I wanted to I was with my boyfriend for a couple years and thought it would be perfect to have a baby I never thought about how we were gonna buy diapers or anything he didn't have a job an neither did I we were young he always told me ill never leave u ill never leave my baby will always be together an I believed him more because we had like 3 years together I NEVER EVER thought he would walk away but he did 3 months into it he walked away he chose to party drink before us. Now I'm raising our baby alone with my familys help. So learn from me an tell me is this what u want? I only thought about me and that we wanted a baby I was selfish so thanks to that my baby is been raised by a single mom and does he deserve it no but I made bad choices and its not his fault. Now how will I explain why I changed and daddy didn't. But that happens when ur young an having baby when the dad or mom are immature.  
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Avatar universal
At chlo17, im so glad to hear you are working hard to provide for and make a great future for your child. I wasnt a teen mom, (22 with my first) and absolutely meant no disrespect to those who are and were. I just know how much i struggled @ 22 coming to terms with all that being a mother involves, and when i see the little girls i used to babysit, who are 15 now and having babies themselves, i DO want to hug them, and show them my love and support. Thats not me knocking their choices, or degrading the kind of moms they will be...thats the mentor side of me that sees the fear and struggle behind it...the same fear and struggle i have experienced becoming a mom as an adult, which i can only imagine must be compounded by age and circumstances. If i could help shoulder a bit of the weight and worry they carry i would...not because theyre "so irresponsible they cant handle it" but because i care about them and the new life being brought into the world. I would love to help them make the best possible start they can. We all need all the support we van get at this time in our lives. I dont have to know you, or even have met you to care and want to help...thats just me...this is who i am, its how im wired. As a mother, daughter, wife, friend...please just take it for the well meaning it is, not as the judgement its not.
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Avatar universal
Agreed. We pretty much all said we had our children at 16 or 17 and I think someone was even younger. No one is bashing teen mothers in general BC most of us have been there. We are saying how sad it is for these kids who's parents choose to be teen parents and don't want to be responsible for them. Like the girls who's parents raise their kids or the girls who can't keep their legs closed when they can't afford their first child and end up sucking money from the government to support themselves and their kids or the girls who use what money they do get for their own selfish reasons or the girls who do see it as a fashion statement like their kids are the new purse pooch. There is NO reason for ANYONE to be having children when they are still children and we are simply stating how sad it is that the number of these kids having kids has increased DRAMATICALLY. You are being responsible for your child and no one has said anything negative about mothers who do what they need to. Chill your grill and actually pay attention to what you are reading instead of jumping to conclusions
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Avatar universal
Lol most of us who posted said we were teen moms. Cool your jets. It's not rainbows and unicorns it's hard work. When I was 12/13 boys had cooties I would never want a penis anywhere near me. I worked my *** off at 17 to get thru high school pregnant and graduate with honors. If you are one of those girls who is sacrificing for your baby awesome! Kudos! But it's not the norm. I have a friend who is 17 with her second baby on the way by 2 diff dads, no job, dropped out of high school at 14, she and her son are couch surfers. That is what upsets me . Is that children have babies before they are ready to step up and accept responsibility. It makes all of us moms who were teen moms look bad. I'm 24 with a 6 yr old. I get looked at like the village doorknob because im "too young" to have a 6 yr old and I'm the youngest mom at PTA. Not all young moms are stupid and not all are mothers. Any one with a vajayjay can have a baby but not everyone is cut out to be a mother whether she's 15 or whether she's 45. It's just a fact of life.
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4476664 tn?1361632949
@chlo17....It's the younger mothers or moms to be that don't do what they have to do for their child or for themselves to better themselves to benefit both them and their child. S*** happens and we all get it. A lot of the ladies here had their first children at a very young age and turned out to be great parents. Sad but true, yes, a lot of girls are very immature and do everything else, except provide for their children, taking the "easy way out" Hell their are adult women out there that are just as bad, popping out kids left and right while collecting child support and help from the government while they are out at the clubs and dressed better than their own children. But, I think a lot of what we were saying is, even though we have been blessed with these beautiful children, a lot of us would love to see our children have it better than we did. A lot of us would love to make some young girls understand that its not the "cool" thing to do, its a life changing event. Like I said, some young woman make the best mamas, but unfortunately not all.
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Avatar universal
hi girls. i dont exactly know if ive got this right, i apologise if i come of deffensive, young and stupid. but to me, i may be mistaken, yous are being critical or maybe judgemental.. my reason for this is, "teen moms" wana hug em, there throwing their lives away etc. i am a teen mom! im 17 years old. im from the uk and im in college. i wudnt have the things i have if it wasnt for my mum and dad. so i guess im one of those **** moms yous refare to. i guess, in america things are different. but where im from, young parents isnt a fashion, its lack of responsibility and i totaly admit i was stupid. people look at me asif i had sex with lots of boys when they see me. i got pregnant my first time having sex. i was in a relationship and left before i realised i was pregnant because i was being abused. i truley believe in my heart ill be a good mom. ive been raised around babies and ive also raised my cousin baisicly. i earn about 50-60 pounds a week. i dont want to go o benifits and im doing my very best to finish my college course. theres alot of moms over here i see and they sponge their kids of, that disgusts me. my mum and dad have supported me and got the main things i need although ive bought my bottles, clothes, blankets, etc. i feel like im trying my best. and thats all i can do. im 30weeks on monday and i cannot wait to spend the rest of my life looking after my baby boy.  
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4251679 tn?1370305531
I agree a lot of teenaged pregnancies have to do with the parenting but I also feel they blame can't be put 100% on that child's parents. It is taught in most schools about safe sex. When I was in middle school there were sex ed classes, as well as high school. Also with all the media on the subject(like the shows teen mom and 16&pregnant) it should be obvious the consequences of having sex. Some want this however, for wanting to get their babydaddy on lock, to get outta school early, live off government, whatever reason it may be. Like for example a 16 year old I know is pregnant.. her mother houses all 3 of her children in a very small 2 bedroom home. All but the 16 year old are grown with babies also living there. The brother has a daughter. The sister has three children. The brother actually works however he is trying to help his mom out as she is disabled and can't work. The sister smokes pot literally 24/7. She has no desire to work, much rather live off the gov and her momma. Seeing this growing up and being forced to babysit her nieces and nephews, the 16 year old should have known it would be better to wait it out. She has failed a few grades and is still in middle school. She will have to go through all of hs with a baby. However, knowing her mom wouldn't kick her out considering her siblings situations, why would she care about her actions? And I know I'm a young mom, I'm really not judging any (except the ones who don't step up..!) mother out there. But Im doing my best to make the necessary sacrifices to better my child's future. No I don't have a college degree but I knkw I will work hard on getting one. Yes I'm currently not working but I have a decent job I will be going back to just so my lil girl can better be provided for. I didn't stop working til I was told I couldn't while pregnant even though it was kicking my ***. I felt like **** all the time. But I knew there was no way my boyfriend would be able to buy everything our lil one needs alone. We needed both our incomes. Yes we are struggling a lil bit since I can't work right now.. but we as parents will do whatever necessary to provide the best future we can make for our children. And I believe that's all you can really expect from a parent, whether young or not.
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1961938 tn?1398718101
I personally think all young women should hp be taught the values of hard work. Then if something does happen and they are pregnant they can take care of themselves and their child. Also young men should be taught the values of raising the child they create, if they make the baby they should help raise it as well, even if they don't stay with the mother. And this idea of missing out on life because of having a child young is bull. Being irresponsible and going out partying getting drink and what not is that great f an experience, there are so much more important things n life. Having a child doesn't mean you can't finish school or get a good job, it just adds another challenge to the mix. I think people need to stop encouraging young people to be mature as long as you can, live it up until you have to grow up and encourage them to grow up. Back in the day when people got married and had a lot of kids young, they were way more mature then most people in their mid twenties. They grew up and knew how to work to have a good life. We need more of that in our culture again. Not necessarily having kids at super young ages but growing up and not staying a child as long as possible.
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Avatar universal
late to the party but throwing my cents in anyways. I flip flip so much on topic of teen moms. Some of the greatest mothers I've ever met had their kids young, and when I stop to think about it, it's really a lot more common place then we think, and always has  been. My grandmother was married off at the age of 12, and started popping kids out at 13, (she went on to have 19 kids by the time she was 25) that was just the culture back then. It was cheap labor, you birth all your farmhands. I think some of that thinking trickles down to this generation as well. Not the farmhand thinking, but having kids young. As little girls didn't we (mostly) dream about marrying a prince and having a family? We weren't thinking about waiting until we were in our twenties, we were thinking about finding Charming  as soon as we could!
I don't think sex ed. (or lack thereof) can be blamed nowadays. Maybe it's different in your areas but here we learn about is as early as sixth grade, so age 11-12. I do think it has to do with contraception though. It's embarrassing to go buy condoms! Even when you're 22 and married! It's like a little voice in the back of your head saying 'oh yeah, this cashier totally knows what I'm headed home to do' it's even worse as a teen when you think they'll say something (or even.worse, when they do say something)
I have a lot of respect for the teen moms that graduate school and get jobs with a baby, but it grinds my gears to see them just sit around and do nothing all day but take care of baby with the governments, or mom and dads money. It's one thing to have a baby, it's a total different thing to be a mother.
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Avatar universal
I cant remember who said it.. i know this is a support site. Im judging so by all means judge me. But up to the age of 16 here in australia you are under your parents wing. If you get pregnant at the age of 12? Where the feck are the parents responsabilities?   Oooh i cant controll my wild child. WRONG! YOU ARE AT FAULT.
I beleive this to be true untill the age of 16. OR. Depending on the mental maturity of the child. I say child cos not all at that age are to be considered a teenager.
Im sorry to post this i know alot of mums are young here im 21myself. I consider myself to be young mum.
Im **** scared of what is happening i feel sorry for thoes who dont know whats fully happening because they havnt been parented well.
Live up to your full potential. Be the best you can be for you and your babies.
I fully support every mum who wants the best for their baby. :) keep safe
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Avatar universal
My mum had her first at 16 while in high school, her mum had her at the same age.. I'll be 19 when our little one is here. My partner and I have been together 5 years, we are engaged, we live in our own home, pay our own bills and own our own car, and we both are senior graduates and have steady jobs. I know I am very lucky and thank god every day for blessing me with such good fortune in my life.. I wish everyone was so well supported and established before believing it is the right time to have a baby. Accidents do happen but they seem to happen more and more each day. Im 30 weeks pregnant and live in Australia and I look older than 19 so I am not looked upon badly as unfortunately some of you ladies have said has occurred where you are from, and I know at least 20 other young ladies of the same age as me in the small place I live in who have had babies in the last year or two. I suppose it is just becoming the norm.. Seeing very young girls with babies it upsets me because you just don't know if they have the support they need.. In my situation we are ready for a baby and very capable and I know I'm not alone, but these young girls you see, you never know what their story is or if they have what they need to create a stable environment for themselves, let alone a tiny baby. It is frightening..
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5002615 tn?1366014009
I turned 18 in December but i was already pregnant by im birthday. this was so unplanned for me but im about to graduate and get into school to work at insurance company's. i also have my bd with me and he supports me all the. way. I feel like i have my life together im about to be living with my boyfriend in a month and everything. but i do get nasty looks since i look like im 16. i just don't let it gt to me. but it is sad to see babies having babies. my little brother had his kid when he was 15 and she was 14. His girlfriend went her last year of middle school being pregnant and non of the girls liked her since she was new there. My niece is one year old already but my parents helped them in everything the baby needed till this day. It is hard seeing them struggle moving from her house to mines having to ask for money when diapers are needed. neither of them are going to school now. but my brothers girls friend is such a good mother. she's always with my niece never goes out to party or thinks about it. and my little brother finally got a job.  he is buying everything for his daughter and they never leave her alone. i wish they did go to school tho because its a struggle with out education but i guess school wasn't made for them. i guess each families are different. I just wishes they lived there lives a little better and got to experience things without having to think oh i have my baby i can't do that. Unlike me i lived my life in a good way. i went out parties and got into trouble but now its over.
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Avatar universal
I want so much more than what I had for my kids. I don't care what people say about me. My daughter will be on birth control when she gets into high school (earlier if need be) and they will both be properly educated on sex and will have a supply of safe sex tools. I want my kids to go to college and do what they love. I wanted to do so much with my life that I put on hold for my son and now for my daughter. I do not regret them and love them both. But my husband and I knew each other for 4 months before I go pregnant (and we were being safe the condom broke and you always think that one time won't get you pregnant newsflash it truly does take one time! Both of our babies are one time oopsie babies. We got married 2 months after I turned 18 we barely knew each other but we want our kids to believe that you have babies when you get married and we both came from broken homes so we want our kids to have a mom and dad together. We lost all of our friends. Our version of awild night is having a bBBQ with my husbands coworkers and staying up until 11 because we know that we have responsibilities. We can't party like the other 21 year olds our age. I want my kids to experience life and make mistakes get their heartbroken (obviously not badly) and fall in and out of love, get an education, change their mind, travel the world. I want them to live out their dreams. And with society today you have to openly discuss sex with your.kids. that's our responsibility as parents. I'm sorry for going on a rant I just get really passionate about this topic.
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Avatar universal
Oh, and just remember, everything young mothers trade in they get back times ten. Partying, drinking, all amount to nothing compared to those sweet moments with your miracle. I admire all of your strength, and wish everyone well!
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Avatar universal
I am nineteen, and currently 25 weeks along. Im deathly afraid of doing everything wrong, but so excited at the same time. I never was one to go out and party. I was a quiet bookworm, with very few friends due to homeschooling through most of highschool.

I know people think less of me due to my age. We alk know what words go through their heads, but its not always the case. We found out about baby 1 week after getting engaged, and he is the only I've ever been with. Weve been together since i was 15.

People say horrible things to me and about me, yet he's a hero in the situation because hes taking responsibility. Don't get me wrong, im happy for all he does.  But has anyone else had that type of double standard, where people are horrible to you, but dont bat an eye at the fathers decision? Wow that was long, my apologies!
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Avatar universal
I was adopted because my birth mom had me at 16. Ir scares me that young girls are having baby's because their are a lot out there that dont make the right diction for there baby's and put them in bad situations because there to young to have much of a choice. That said there are still many young moms that end up being amazing mom's but its,hard because their to young to get a job or an apartment and a lot of times the dad doesn't want to deal with the stress and leaves... It makes me so sad for them I wish girls understood how important it is to wait and be young! I'm almost 21 and sometimes I feel to young so I can't imagine how they feel.
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Avatar universal
I got pregnant with my first at 15. And I do see more people getting pregnant at ages of 13 and 14. I just hooe and pray they put their childrens needs before their own. A lot of them do im not be littling anyone or anything of that sort. Im now almost 22 and just had my second baby may 4th. And am ready for another. A lot of girls it seems they turn to having a baby for someone to love thwm unconditionally because a lot of parents with okder children don't seem to care what their children do now a days. No diserpect to anyone. Everyone on here seems like a great mom and great mom to be:)
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Avatar universal
Gator and gordon i totally agree with all your above, as well as what many of these ladies are saying. And for those who are young and working hard to support yourselves and your child i take my hat off to you. So many times that isnt the case, and you ladies are breaking the mold and taking the more difficult road. Im so proud of each and every one of you. One thing i feel our and the upcoming generation needs more of is to learn a strong work etjic from childhood. I have so many friends my age (im 24) who are still living with/ off of their folks and cant hold down a job, because its just " too hard". Im sorry ive paid for all my own clothes, bills etc since i was 13 until i graduated and then lived on my own doing the same...my parents just didnt have much. I also managed to take care of a horse and pay all of those bills from 13 also. I cant imagine caring for a vhild at a young age, but i had the skills and work ethic to make it happen and thats i think is hard to find. Way to go ladies who are paving the way, you have my full support...and those who werent trained but want to learn ill do whatever i can to lend a hand. I love that we can have this open discussion by the way...
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