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Avatar universal


I'm not really sure where to put this, but wanted to get any help on this situation. My husband is uncircumcised and doesn't like it at all. We had both pretty much agreed that if we have a son he will be circumcised. Though I wonder about later on when our son is growing up and wonders/questions why he looks different than daddy, what do you tell him?? I'm not sure how to handle that conversation. Any ideas/suggestions?? thanks!
39 Responses
1285850 tn?1291780035
I'll just tell my son that I did it because it's cleaner. If I have a son I am doing it not cuz of a religious/cultural thing, but for a cleanliness thing. If he asked why dads was different i'd just say cuz he his mommy and daddy didn't have it done. If he asks why, i'd just say it's like getting a haircut. "sometimes boys can grow thier hair out long, and the mommy and daddy want it long, sometimes we want to cut it short to keep it tidy" Thats why they're different.

But I don't think it'll be that complicated to explain.
796506 tn?1370191905
I think that if this question comes up from your little one then you just explain that it was parent's choice or if it was a cultural thing. I don't think that it is a major factor and usually young kids will brush it off as nothing more than one of those things =)
1163675 tn?1274631112
Quite frankly, why are you comparing dad and son's penises?  Why does your husband care that your son didn't have his skin removed?  Why are parents so obsessed with transforming the look of their children's genitals?  I personally feel that the skin should be left intact and if the son decides to become circumcised than he can do that.  You cannot add skin back.  It is permanently altering the body of your child for cosmetic reasons (which it is and the reason why most insurances no longer cover the cost of it), so think about it in that way.

If the subject comes up for us, I will be honest.  Some parents choose to cut parts of the penis off and some do not.  I don't agree with lying or sugar coating answers and my son is 6 and not harmed or scarred by that.  When he is old enough to research and read about the subject he can form his own opinion.
Avatar universal
why do you want to have your son circumcised if your partner isnt? to be fair you can either not circumcise your son or tell your partner to get circumcised then he wont be any different, can i ask why they circumcise? just out of interest?
404138 tn?1308945256
First I wouldnt go judging them if thats what they choose to do. Obviously they have already made up their mind. The question was what to tell their son when he asks why is his different.
Ofcourse he might be curious and want to know!

You don't know if your having a son so I wouldn't worry about it until the time comes....
Avatar universal
Wow, I didn't know this was such a sensitive subject! My husband and I both decided that if we have a son, that he would be circumcised for cleanliness reasons. My husband wishes his was done before, and now if he gets it done it is MUCH more painful at the older age, so we want to get it done for our son. Statistically boys who are uncircumcised have a higher chance/risk of getting a UTIs, penile cancer, prostate cancer, and other infections.
1222635 tn?1366399886
i think its a good idea to get it done... i think a lot of men / boys wish that their parents had done it. the subject might not ever come up but if it does i think elixis had the best suggestion. :)
Avatar universal
Yea, my husband sure would have liked it if his parents had done it. He is annoyed with it, and has thought about getting it done, but the pain that it would cause now is just so much and he doesn't really take pain well. lol.
233562 tn?1282771982
This is a personal choice. I think that its an unnecessary procedure to put the baby through, I would rather not do it and let the child make that decision later in life. Like someone else said you can take skin away but you cant put it back. I think that cleanliness is not a good reason to do it, as if you teach your child proper hygiene there should not be an issue. I know that more often people are not getting it done so in the future when your child goes to school and see the other boys in the locker room not only will he be different from daddy but he will be different from his friends. Also they say its too painful to have it done later in life but wouldn't you think that is the same pain that little baby is feeling. I would think as an adult pain would be better controlled than as a baby and they can't say how much pain they are in to remedy it.
1194973 tn?1385507504
I also think it's a personal choice. (Which is why I pray I never have boys because my fiance and I have different opinions) I myself think it's completely unnecessary. Like the above poster said, cleanliness isn't an issue with proper hygiene. I've been with people who've never been circumcised and they've never had issues with it, nor will ever bother to have it done. It can honestly go either way. There can be problems if you have it done, and there can be problems if you don't. The way I think about it is, men have gone hundreds of years without this being done, and been perfectly fine. If it wasn't meant to be on the body, it wouldn't be there.  
1123420 tn?1350564758
First of all, all i can say is gross!!! I just had a son 3 weeks ago and chose to get him circumsised.  Dont take this the wrong way cause its just my opinion ladies. but I think its gross to be uncircumsised. ive never met anyone thats not. prolly cause its not common around here.  but i have seen one on the internet and was disgusted. i could never be with anyone who wasnt. and i know alot of girls who feel that way around here. and i wouldnt want my son to be made fun of later on in life.  and i totaly disagree about the pain thing. my son cried for like 2 mintues and was over it. and it healed in 3 days.. wasnt a problem at all.  Even the paper they give you at my hospital about it, adivses you to do it, cause of hygenie and you can be as careful as heck and still have hygene problems. and it causes utis and can even cause rectum cancer and cervical cancer in woman if they sleep with someone uncircumsized.. i say you are def. making the right choice if you are to have a boy.  but next time i wouldnt suggest posting it on here, cause you'll get so many different answers and opinions.  Good luck
Avatar universal
Well I didn't ask if you thought circumcision was right or not, but thanks for the opinions. My husband and I have already made our choice, and you can make yours. I understand that men can be uncircumcised, like my husband, but he also hates it. The majority of boys are circumcised, as it is cleaner and I don't think it's going to change where a bunch of boys in the future will not be. It's easier to get it over with as a baby and we want to do this for our son. I can see more benefits of having it done then anything bad about it. People say it's been there for a long time, so if it wasn't meant to be there, then it wouldn't. But we also have an appendix and other organs that are useless in our body. That's not a reason to not have circumcision.  Just my thoughts on it..

I like the way you worded it Elixis, I think I'd say something to that effect! :)
Avatar universal
LOL, thanks for the thought. My husband is the first man I have ever been with who is uncircumcised. At first it was very weird, I was not used to it at all, but it doesn't bother me now. He's from another country, where it's pretty common to not be circumcised, though he still wishes that he were.
1123420 tn?1350564758
Im sorry i hope u didnt take offense to that.  i know ur husband wasnt circumsized. and i didnt mean to be so harsh about it. its just my aunt and uncle dont believe in it and they gave me hell for doin it to my son, and it irritated te crap out of me. so when the topic comes up i get carried away.. once again sorry lol..  
1012334 tn?1283706579
I would probably just explain that some boys look one way and some boys look another way and that it's ok either way, that either way can be normal just like all people don't look alike not all penises look alike. I have 2 boys and both are circumcised, but so is there dad, so it has made it a little easier. they do have a male cousin however that is inbetween the 2 in age and he did not have it done, it was'nt a big deal to the boys when they noticed, but that cousin ended up getting repeated infections (even though his mom kept him clean)  and he ended up in the hospital and had to have emergency surgery while it was infected to have it removed when he was 2 1/2 he's 5 now and doing just fine! I that unless people make a big deal out of it, it does'nt really matter to little kid's it more of a big deal when they are a little older like junior high age and they can better understand it more! Good luck and glad you and your husband agree on what you want for your son!
982214 tn?1471458381
I agree with doulasummer and ashleigh...i am totally against it but it is a personal choice. There is no proof one way or the other that it is "cleaner" that was something they did to the troops in the 1st and 2nd world war when it was impossible to keep clean in the trenches. Living in a society now where water is running from the taps and people clean themselves daily it is no longer a worry.

If this is a choice you make, by the time the child can tell the difference they probably won't be standing around naked together. As for in the locker room it was about 50/50 when my son was born 10 years ago and now it is more to the no side, but i doubt he will have questions for you then!!
1163675 tn?1274631112
There is so much misinformation in this thread and it makes me very sad!  When you are going to make statement about rectal cancer and cervical cancer be prepared to show RELIABLE and RECENT resources from studies that factor in cleanliness and is not sponsored by people who adamantly oppose/support the procedure.

I think its disturbing that moms are so obsessed with the look of their son's penis.  I have also heard mother's (not in this thread) express how they like how a cut penis feels versus and uncut penis.  Who are moms to make a choice for the partner(s) of their sons?

The majority of boys are NOT circumcised.  In the next few years its estimated that over 65% + of boys will be left intact.  That is the majority is untouched and left whole.  This will increase more and more as insurance companies cover the procedures and some hospitals stop offering to do it (which is happening in a lot of places).  

The appendix serves a purpose, therefore it is not just some part that is cosmetically taken out.  There is information showing it can play more roles in hormones and secretions as well.  It used to be thought that the gallbladder was useless as well. but we now know that is not a fact.  Sure we can live without the appendix, but to date there is no study that covers patients over a lifetime to see effects of removal.

Circumcision became mainstream because of lack of parent involvement in teaching proper hygiene and for no other reason.  There is still some skin when a penis foreskin is cut and can cause just as many problems when proper hygiene is not taught.  Removing of the skin causes the glans to toughen and becomes less sensitive over time.  Its a fact, loss of sensation is a big part.  That hospital who had the cleanliness issue in their paper work is severely outdated and needs to be sent more accurate and current information because they are lying to their patients.

There is nothing "easy" or "2 minutes" about the process.  I have watched too many of them and it never gets easier.  The pain is similar to the fingernails being pulled from the nail bed.  The foreskin is attached to the glans and penis and is literally ripped away and cut off.  The foreskins are then sold to cosmetic companies for use in products such as lipstick (true, look it up, hospital make money off selling boy parts).

I am passionate about treating our boys and girls alike.  We cringe at female circumcision that removed the clitoris hood (same as removing foreskin from the penis), but since its on a girl its worse and should be outlawed?  I am very adamant that we should not treat the bodies of our boys and girls differently.  I am more passionate about passing on correct information, not spatting words of hearsay.
Avatar universal
Oh, no. I didn't take offense to it at all. Before I met my husband, I had thought of it to be weird/gross, too. haha. I had only known men that had been circumcised, like the majority of Americans are. Though my husband had come here from Mexico and it's not real common there to get circumcised. He does wish he was though. I feel bad that he gets annoyed with it, and had thought about getting it done now, but that would be too painful. It's just so much easier to get it done as a baby; less skin, less cutting.
Avatar universal
Well I can see that you are very passionate about it, but it's not about the look. I can care less about how it looks, since my husband is uncircumcised. We both decided to do it for health reasons. I work in the hospital and have seen a number of boys who are uncircumcised come in with serious infections. I want to protect my son and doing this will help him.

I don't think anyone said anything about rectal or cervical cancer. I did talk about the statistical numbers of penile cancer being higher. And you can't fight the numbers.

The majority of boys/men are circumcised. Especially in California. I live there, too. The appendix did something back in the day, but no longer does anything. Hence why it can be removed with NO problems at all.

Hygiene is important, but even with the best hygiene many boys who are uncircumcised will many times still get an infection. My husband had a couple as a young boy.

I think you should re look up the information on what you know about it. It's still very much advised that it be done in hospitals. And it's done by the majority of people. I do not "spat words of hearsay" as you stated, and would like it if you could try to be more respectful. thanks.
432779 tn?1364498475
This seems to be a controversial topic. I am from England where it is not commonly done and I chose to have my son circumsized and he is no worse for it. As far as parents making choices for their children what about those that choose to get there daughters ears pierced at a young age that is painful also but I dont hear anyone criticizing mums for doing that. Mommytobe was not asking for your opinion on circumcision she was asking for advise on how to tell a child, so If you dont have anything useful or helpful to say I dont think you should say anything at all.
127529 tn?1331844380
It is true that in The USA lots of males are circumcised. World wide that is not the case.
1035252 tn?1427231433
http://  www.  cdc  .gov   /hiv/resources/factsheets/circumcision  .htm

http:// www.  who.   int/hiv/topics/malecircumcision/en/

http://  www  .who   .int/reproductivehealth/publications/rtis/9789241596169/en/

I'm just saying it's not all hype. there have been studies done by some fairly reputable organizations that prove there ARE benefits to circumcision. that being said, it's a very personal decision and there's no reason to attack people here or call them ignorant. so stop, please. and summer...stating that "lack of parental involvement" is the reason for the rise in the trend of male circumcision is cruel, and completely your opinion. on the flip side...people who choose not to circumcise their children shouldn't be chastized either because it makes them out to be "freaks". just..let it go, guys. there's proof for both arguments.
505857 tn?1329685117
i in all honesty think it should be left to your son to decide when he's older whether he want's circumsized or not, my partner has not been and it's not a subject that comes up much in Scotland but he is the cleanest person i have ever met, as long as your son is shown how to clean himself properly there shouldn't be any problems.

I also know of 2 guys who was circumsized one now has problems ejaculating during intercourse as he's lost a lot of feeling down there, but the other is perfectly healthy, and clean but i used to find it pretty difficult pleasuring him before i met my partner ( sorry TMI) i used to think i was hurting him.

i do agree with one of the other posts if your husband thinks not being circumsized is gross get him to try it out first and see how he feels getting a piece of his manhood cut off, i think i already know the answer.  But just think of your son's feelings and opinions before making any major and life changing decisions
Avatar universal
I dont understand why people want to cut off babies parts that belong there. God made penises a certain way, that is the way he wants them. If the foreskin was supposed to be removed God would have made penises with out foreskin. There is NO need for circumcision.

watch this video and you will never again think about doing it to your baby boy.

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