Thats a tough situation, Esp when it comes to $$$. Finances are one thing that the majority of married people fight about. I think you should try to quit?! Count up how much it would save you. Cigs are not "food" and are not a nessesity either. While feeding Ariana and yourselves should and is the number one thing to be concerned about. Hopefully things straighten out for you guys. This finance issue might be affecting him just as much, and that may be why he reacts the way he does. Men dont talk about things until its too late.
i know i should quit. but right now im not as concerned about that as i am the fact that he feels he has the right to withold our money from me.
feeding her is definitely a priority. we've got her covered.
This is a tough one for sure. Sorry it's so stressful for you guys. I think we've all be there where money is really tight and it's hard to deal with. I just have one question that popped out at me while I was reading this. If he "NEEDS" to put that $5 in the gas tank than what would have happened if you spent that $5 on cigarettes.
Sorry meant to put a "?" instead of a .
well there would be more money on the debit card if i had used the $5.. we have enough for cigarettes and gas and food for ariana, because my cars gas tank goes very far and i have $6 to target and im only running low on cereal
we wont have enough for gas if he uses that 5 dollars on food instead of gas though.
Hmm, okay...well, to be honest, I'm not following the deal with the $5 that was/is either spent on food or cigs verses buying gas...but, I won't focus on that because that's not really the issue here.
First off, I want to say that I do understand the stress money can bring into a marriage and how the spending is prioritized. I'm a case in point--I'm a saver and, well, a self-admitted tight-wad. I literally do not like spending money, even on necessities, if there's not at least a fourth of what I've/we've earned that can be saved and put into an account that can earn interest (savings, 401k, CDs, etc.). My husband, on the other hand...can spend money like it grows on trees. I won't go into the details of what we've gone through to find a solution for us, but I will tell you what's working for us so far.
Separate accounts AND a joint account.
This is a really good solution for you both if you find yourselves staking "rights" to the money that should be for you both, and not one over the other, or for one to have ultimate authority over.
What's worked for my husband and me is a joint account where about 80% of our money goes that is for spending on our family and living necessities--groceries, gas/vehicle maintenance, bills, tithing, etc. Out of that money, whatever is left over after bills and living costs goes directly into savings, no questions or arguments.
I have my own checking account. I put about 10% of my paycheck into it each pay period, as does my husband with his own checking account. Except for him, we agreed that each pay period for him, he gets $100 of his paycheck rather than 10%. That was actually his idea because he knows he spends money sometimes too liberally and he didn't want to cut into our joint finances any more that what he thought was fair enough for him to handle, or what he thought he "needed." for two weeks between each paycheck. As you can probably guess, the money in our own accounts can be spend on whatever we want, however we want, no questions asked.
We make a budget each pay period (every two weeks) on a spreadsheet and we go over it each pay period, letting each other know of any expenses that are expected so if either of us checks the joint account, we're not freaked out by seeing something we didn't expect.
We've been using this method in our finances for about a month now and it's worked like a dream come true. And not to mention, in one month, we've been able to contribute nearly $1000 into savings...something that wasn't even known as a possibility before we worked out our finances the way they are now.