Well, I'd like to start by asking everyone to be understanding and not judgemental. I know I have a serious issue, that is why I'm being brave enough to admit it and ask for support
Anyways... I used to have a problem with eating. I would restrict my calories and work out constantly. I was addicted to being thin and the process in which it took to get there. During this pregnancy, I had bad m/s and could not eat very much and consequently lost a good amount of weight. My belly got big but everything else shrunk. It felt like all the access fat from my body all went to the baby, leaving the rest of me skinny. WELL... feeling my new profound collar bones, tiny wrists, and defined jaw line... it brought back all the feelings of my eating disorder. I remember how good it felt to be so thin. I liked feeling the bones (i know its hard to understand). I was in the bathroom the other day admiring the new thinness of my arms, legs, shoulders. etc. It scares me. I dont want to get sucked into it again, especially not now!
As for my current eating, I always eat the suggested intake for veggies, fruits, whole grains. Half the time I eat the protein too. I have had feelings that my body (besides belly area) can stay thin on this veggie, fruit, grain, and protein diet. I just won't eat things like pizza, muffins, cookies. etc. I'm not sure if that is unhealthy/unhealty thinking or not?
I love my baby and I do not want them to be affecting by my problems. I dont want to be like this and I feel like a horrible person sometimes. But I have a disorder that will stay with me forever and I want to learn how to deal with it during this pregnancy so that I can eat properly.
thanks for listening. I feel much better admitting it