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Avatar universal

public humiliation

Just need to vent. My fiance is not a bad guy but........ he has a huge temper. He has never hit me just when he gets mad he screams at the top of his lungs at me. He doesn't care if he is around his friends and does it over the phone or in person and outside with all the neighbours around to hear. He screams sometimes right in my face while I'm close enough for the spit to hit my face or from all the way across the street. Its so embarassing! Everyone within a block radius can hear. Today he had said he would go pick up my antibiotics and pain meds(abcess tooth) , finish a job application online and be home. He was supposed to be back about 5. I called to make sure he got it around then and he said he picked up a friend and was going to hang out to do computer stuff. I asked y and he went off yelling through the phone saying why do i have to grill him. I hung up on him cause I'm tired of getting yelled at for all to hear and didn't answer when he called back. A little background. ... i have 3 lil ones here to take care of and a throbbing toothache. At 7:30 i asked another friend to pick up my meds cause pain was too much. 8:30 my fiance finally shows up, starts screaming at me more saying i don't want him to get a job when all i wanted was my meds to deal with the pain and take care of the kids. It would have taken 5 min to drop those off, instead he made me suffer waiting for him when he could have done that after. He was screaming in my face spitting on me and wouldn't stop after i kept telling him to leave me alone. I'm 20 wks preg and his screaming affects me physically. I start bleeding or having contractions. Last preg i started hemmorraging after him screaming and almost Lost the baby, few months later his screaming put me in labor and i gave birth. I've tried no saying a word and walking away but he follows still screaming. I've tried yelling back telling him leave me alone and he still keeps at it. What do i do?
21 Responses
1959722 tn?1338778115
Tell him that you are going to go stay somewhere else until the baby is born if he can't knock of the trantrums because you can't sacrifice the health of your baby and he shouldn't want to either. Then when he begins to raise his voice calmly ask him to stop and if he doesn't just say if we can't have a normal conversation I am going to go get some things and leave like I told you.
1911870 tn?1345419009
Drop his a s s. Men like this are not worth the stress. Babies regonize the voices that they hear most. You don't need him putting stress on your body and the babies.
Avatar universal
He wants to control you he most probably has something to hide and doesn't want u in his buisness he's trying to show u who's boss do he can get away with anything he wants without having to answer to you. Or he might have a huge anger problem which could one day errupt. Just be careful and follow your gut instinct... Good luck be smart don't let him talk to you like this, if he loves you he would respect u! Show him hoe much you mean to him stay away from him for a while go stay with family or tell him to give you a break. I know id never stand for it my feelings telling me he's got something to hide. But I could be wrong.
2008858 tn?1343844041
It's not fair on your other kids, there growing up thinking its ok to talk to people like that.
You need to tell him to get help and Untill he does go live somewhere else.
2008858 tn?1343844041
It's not fair on your other kids, there growing up thinking its ok to talk to people like that.
You need to tell him to get help and Untill he does go live somewhere else.
1935407 tn?1339234114
OMG... i really don't know how to comment in this as i cannot imagine what will i do if i were in your shoes... but i think its good to get someone else to tell him how unhealthy this to you.. to your unborn and to your 3 kids... since i think he not gonna listen if you are the one who telling him this...!! anyone will do.. his friends or your friends or closer family or relatives... good luck hun... take care... hugssss... xxx

Avatar universal
I am sorry he treats u like this and even more sorry Ur kids see this and prob thinks its normal n how they should handle things. Domestic violence is must h more than hitting, its about power n control. He knew u were in pain n kept u wo medication on purpose. He knows u limit fighting bc risk to child. Get help even if its calling a domestic violence hotline to talk...they are everywhere. Find a safe plan n know Ur rights for urself n kids. In these relationships when its good its good but really bad when its bad n normally gets worse w time. Please be safe n talk to a hotline or close friend bout this for u n kids please!
1901977 tn?1333991726
What he's doing to you is called verbal abuse, and if he's got this kind of anger issue it's unlikely he'll stop without professional help. I agree, leave him, it's not worth risking your baby's life. I can also tell you that I grew up in a household where my parents were constantly fighting - not like you were describing, just constant conflict - and it still affects me and my brothers today. So realize that it's really not good for any of your children to be around that, nor is it good for you...get out and go somewhere where this is not part of your life or your pregnancy.
Avatar universal
I have been through this.....its not worth having such a relationship. You can give it shot talking to him when he is at ease and discuss it out. From what you have written, i doubt it will make much difference.

I agree with angels...... Your health, baby's health and your children's future is of utmost importance and this all is not happening with this kind of attitude. Think abt that first and then anything else.......
2001997 tn?1333888744
I,m sorry to say this but I'm a guy and before I grew up and got married I was the same way but it gets worst unless he  get help. I went from screaming to hitting and then even think to kill her. One day I saw this as something that needed help. I got help and its been 18 years later I married a great women and with first child on the way. i grow up and understand that this was not right. 100% its going to get worst
Avatar universal
Thank you everyone for replies and listening. I can't marry him like this. He says I'm emotionally unstable because when he yells at me i can't stop crying. I know he is spiteful and will try to take kids. I don't have anywhere to go. He said if i was in that much pain i should have gone to hospital. How could i go? Drag 3 kids in cold to hospital where they would just give me another prescription. He doesn't seem to care but he says he does. I need a friend.
187316 tn?1386356682
Honestly I'd wouldnt marry him. I'd also leave him. Plus it doesn't matter how "spiteful" he is, he wouldn't be able to take the children. And unless you already have a standing custody agreement set by a court, you are NOT married and therefore you have sole custody. Call your family, heck call a women's shelter, just get out of that situation.
Avatar universal
Thank you everyone so much. I'm glad I'm just not crazy. This morning before leaving he said i was an ungrateful b**** so i told him he was an immature a** and he told me of course to shut the f*** up, broke the door down while storming out. I'm tired of the tantrums cause trying to teach my two yr olds not to do it. I'm not ungrateful, its not about that at all. He's making the effort to look for a job and i support that. Its the treatment to me i don't like and worried about.
Avatar universal
Leave him while u have a chance....  Ur kids and u come first. If he cant see that then boot him. U need a real man.  
I went through this not to along ago. And ur gonna feel like a cloud has been lifted off of u and ur kids... Good luck
Avatar universal
Wow, tht  s u c k s  tht u gotta go thru tht. But personally, he sounds like a piece of  s h i t.  I would not put up with tht if i was u.. i mean, do he talk to his momma like tht??! Thts a shame. & wht exactly do u & him think thts teaching yalls kids????????? & its probably only gonna get worse.. it sounds like he has ZERO respect for u.. u should remove yourself from tht situation before it gets worse & u aren't around anymore.
1794093 tn?1357930759
Even if he is not hitting you that is still abuse and if you start documenting the occurances and talk to police, do anything to get it on record then he cant just take your kids...explain to them the situation your in...it has to be documented tho... even writing a diary with dates woudl help...anything on paper.... he will be the one fighting for any parental rights... he is trying to intimidate you, he is clearly threatening you, and you dont want you kids growing up thinking thats the normal way to treat woman or get treated... i would dump his a ss for sure as someone else said, ther are places you can go for abused woman that will help you and your kids... but he sounds like he has mental problems, and it is abuse...
Avatar universal
Sounds like a bad guy to me... Are you aware that this is a form of abuse? I really suggest for the safety of you and your children you no longer stay with him. I personally feel like people don't change but if he can get help some sort of anger management and counseling he really should before he hurts someone. Even if he only does this to u that's no okay the impact this is having on you and your children will be long lasting! Please see this is a form of abuse!
Avatar universal
I was in a relationship like this for five years. Now that I am out of it I realized how abusive it actually was. I have a man now who treats me like gold. I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I found him. He makes me smile every day. Even though he is nothing like the ex, I still do silly things because of habit. I apologize over everything. I feel incompetent sometimes. I worry I am not enough. I have spent the last year trying to get rid of those habits with the help of a good man. I am doing so much better now. I hope you can get help and he can too. I know you may love him but sometimes love isn't enough.

It may not be physical but verbal abuse is just as bad. If your children are boys then you are letting them think that it is ok for men to treat women poorly. If your children are girls you are letting them think that if a man yells, ignores, and mistreats them then it is okay. Either way, this is not just affecting your unborn child. I bet a man in his life was this way. Anyways, I will be praying for you. If you need to talk, I am here.
Avatar universal
I really hope you and your baby are doing good!! You do not need that your children do not need that abuse is not something to just walk away from believe me my mother has been with nothing but abusing men and it hurts the children more than it may hurt you (not saying your not hurting but staying with him will be the decision ur children will pay for) I'm not judging I hope u don't think that or blaming you he is to one with the problem and I'm sure he can be a great guy but he should be that great guy at all times not only when he chooses please remember that the only people that matter the most is ur children and ur self without you your children will be lost and their is no one on earth that is worth losing your children for... I will be praying for you and your wonderful children lost of love
Avatar universal
I really hope you and your baby are doing good!! You do not need that your children do not need that abuse is not something to just walk away from believe me my mother has been with nothing but abusing men and it hurts the children more than it may hurt you (not saying your not hurting but staying with him will be the decision ur children will pay for) I'm not judging I hope u don't think that or blaming you he is to one with the problem and I'm sure he can be a great guy but he should be that great guy at all times not only when he chooses please remember that the only people that matter the most is ur children and ur self without you your children will be lost and their is no one on earth that is worth losing your children for... I will be praying for you and your wonderful children lost of love
1950518 tn?1333219865
Hope all is well hun... This story made me so mad!! Not towards u OBVI! But towards that excuse of a man.. Here if u want to chat.. Stay strong! Chin up !! Xx
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