Hello. I am a teacher who is 29 years old. I am going throught a divorce. This past week has been the biggest mess ever. I had an affair on my husband. When he left, only a few months ago, the affair was still going on. I left the man that I was having an affair with because I instantly understood that it would never work. You see, he is a criminal and convicted sex offender. My parents would never accept him. But for some reason, I felt that I loved him. I really did. However, my marriage is ending because of all of my mistakes, so I decide that he is toxic for me and forge ahead dating more suitable men. I meet someone online. Problem again. He is cute, and I like him, but he has no place to live and no job. I let him move in with me. For a while, it made me happy. He made me happy. I felt like I forgot about my divorce and my affair and the man I had the affair with. Then, all of the sudden, like a switch was flipped, I started getting more and more depressed. I missed two Fridays of work in a row. I cry all of the time. In a desperate attempt to stop my tears, I contacted the ex affair guy who basically told me he would never forgive me again. That I had hurt him too badly. I slept with him Thursday and Friday, too. But he still said he did not want me. So, feeling so depressed, I told my now boyfriend the truth. I told him I wanted to break up with him because I was still in love with my ex. Just to remind you, he is a sex offender and violent man. What is wrong with me? Then, I went back to my boyfriend who is now currently my ex boyfriend and apologized and told him that I did not mean it. I remembered all the great things he has done. But, the fact remains that he seemed unphased thet I wanted to break up with him in the first place. Why am I so ****** up? Again, I am alone. I do not have the money for counseling, so please do not tell me to do that. I am a teacher who is divorcing. No funds for counseling.