Dear Endlynn,
I don’t blame you for being angry. This lack of recognition is terrible. It’s obvious how hard you’ve worked, both for your family and for your own advancement. Congratulations!
I don’t know what your husband does for work. Perhaps if his work is EXTREMELY difficult, time-consuming, etc., his behavior is somewhat understandable. Some men really KILL themselves on the job. But it still wouldn’t excuse the attitude.
Perhaps your telling him to leave will get his attention. If he does return, you may want to coolly point out that his attitude is from 5 decades ago, and has no place anymore. That doesn’t mean he’s bad, just outdated, and that way is impossible to live with. It’s clear to everyone but him what you’ve achieved, and how hard you’ve worked to achieve it, with virtually no help from him. Say that the ball is in his court. Either upgrade the mental software from 1.0, or you’ll permanently pull the plug. If he wants to, but doesn’t know how, there’s both amateur and pro help available.
Maybe the attitude is imported from his family of origin. Or maybe hubby has some sort of personality disorder that prevents him from seeing another person as having independent value. Or maybe the two of you have had deeper relationship problems that have never been resolved, and manifest themselves this way. Or you yourself felt devalued in your FOO, and imported it into your marriage. I don’t know.
Bottom line, either this has to be dealt with, or bye-bye, unless you have so few resources that you have to stay in the marriage long-term, carving out an utterly independent life. And that sounds an unhappy prospect!
Sincerely,
Dr. P.
Dear Endlynn,
"OpinionS"?
Are you looking for community feedback or for me? If the former, it's a different forum.
Sincerely,
Dr. P.