Good afternoon Dr. Pomerance,
Let me give you some background on him & I... (I profusely apologize in advance for this being so long...)
We met online 3 1/2 yrs. ago. I had been divorced by that point for 1 1/2 yrs. and he had been dumped the yr. before by a girlfriend of 6 yrs. We instantly connected - very compatible, a lot in common, same values/goals, GREAT chemistry/attraction, both from the Midwest, etc...
I had a previous boyfriend prior to him that stole my identity & bankrupted me, so my self-esteem & trust was nill. It was pretty rough for us the first 2 yrs. because of my own issues. I graduallly got stronger, though, with the help of family, friends and just being the strong person I am. My self-esteem was back with a vengance (lol), but some damage had already been done due to my issues.
My insecurities would rare their ugly heads from time-to-time within the first 2 yrs. & cause him to question us. He would break it off for a week but always came back & we worked through it. This past Spring, my insecurities were gone & things had been going well for sometime (so I thought). However, out-of-the-blue he decided he needed "space" to possibly date a lady his friends were trying to set him up with. And I said "you know what, you got it. You won't hear a peep from me" - and he didn't. I went on with my life. :D
Then, 3 wks later, he suddenly text me to just chat & let me know he had been thinking about me. We talked, and decided to "start fresh" and things were going well again for several months... until about this August. I started sensing he was pulling away, rarely hearing from him or seeing him, so I didn't bother him or chase him, just continued with my life...
Then the wk. after Labor Day, I got this feeling he was seeing someone else, even though he was telling me he wasn't & that he wasn't interested in anyone else. We were seeing each other only once every 1 1/2 - 2 wks., but when we did it was still a good time - plenty of great conversation, fun & chemistry/attraction.
By the beginning of this October, I decided I needed to do a little investigating myself. So, I drove to his house on a Friday night, and sure enough he came home from the lake with another lady.
I confronted him calmly after she went into his house just by saying he didn't have to lie & I would never bother him again and I left. He called me 20 minutes later (after she left) wanting to explain. I told him there was nothing to explain, just wish he could have chosen a more mature & less hurtful way of doing this. I hung up without saying goodbye...
Had no thoughts of ever hearing from him again, gladly still going on with my life. :D But then he e-mailed me last week (2 wks. after I last spoke with him) saying "Hey Sus... The last time we spoke you had said one of the worst parts of us splitting up was you loosing a friend. It shouldn't have to be that way. There are plenty of people who remain friends after dating. You are a good person, I do care about how you are doing, how the new job is going and all. It would be nice to stay in touch & visit from time to time." Really confused me because I had already assumed he was moving on with his new lady.
I didn't respond to that email last week (Thursday) and by Sunday morning, he was texting me asking if I had a chance to read his email from Thursday. I took my time answering & told him yes, I had read it but had been really busy. He text back he understood and stated he hoped things were going well for me. The next day (just this past Monday) he e-mailed me saying" Sus... Being busy is good. If you have time, I'd like to hear about the new job. Sounds like a little different career path from your norm. I truly am sorry for hurting you. I don't know what I could ever do to make it up. Just hope we can someday be friends again."
I waited a day & e-mailed him back asking him why he wants to be my friend and he replied "Why wouldn't I, Sus. As I said previously, you are a good person and we had a friendship before."
I guess I'm wondering if he just wants to be friends, or is he making sure I will stick around to be an option, or is he hoping to start as friends and see where it goes from there, or was all of this due to guilt??