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I have been broken up with my ex for 8 months now. I cant get over him. And now Im 21 weeks pregnant and it isnt his child. Theres nothing more that i want then to have him back but ik its not going to happen. I really dont know what to do.. Baby daddy isnt involved with me at all anymore so Im not worried about him. Im worried about my ex and what he is going to say. I feel like Im torturing myself by not being able to get over him, but Im seriously in love with him. All i think about everyday is him. Ik other people have been through this.. Please help
12 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think your best bet of having him back in your life is to ask him to get together somewhere and telling him all that is going on your life and hear what is going on in his.  You'll get a good read from that if he is interested in pursuing a relationship with you again.  Just reach out and invite him.  

Some men can accept situations like this and take on a role of father because they love the mom.  Maybe that will be the case.  

I still think you should work on securing paternity after the baby is born as it makes things less complicated down the road.  

good luck
Avatar universal
The ONLY thing you really should be focusing on now is what you are going to do about this unborn child you are carrying.

I am not sure why you are stressing over what your ex is going to say or think; sounds like the relationship between you two is "over and out."  Plus, you moved on and got pregnant by this other guy and I am sure that would speak VOLUMES to your ex.  

I am not trying to be harsh or rude, but this is the reality of things dear.
1877875 tn?1422446857
the pregnancy wasnt planned.. it was a one night thing with 1 guy who I had been with b4
Avatar universal
Dear, it doesn't matter if it was or wasn't planned, you still need to figure out what you are going to do in regards to this unborn child.  

As far as I am concerned, if you don't use protection, it might as well be planned.

I am can imagine this breakup being upseting, but you need to worry about the baby; not getting back with an ex or wishing you were back together.  

Do you NOT care about this unborn baby at all?  Sounds like you don't want the child.  



1877875 tn?1422446857
Im keeping my baby.. I love my baby more than anything in the world. DONT u dare say I dont care about the baby. Everything has been about the baby. That also means I want a father for my baby and I know my ex would be perfect even though it isnt his child. You have no right telling me that I dont care about my unborn child.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Danilynn, remember that we only get a snippet of information here and everyone has best intentions of helping.  I asked about adoption in an earlier post not to insult you but because I have no idea where you are at in the process of having a child just from what you've written here and it would influence the advice I gave you.  I know that Londres has no other intention but to help you so try not to get upset here.  

I think the problem that I see is that this man is your ex and there is a reason for that.  Because he would be a great father doesn't necessarily mean he would want to be one or you and he should get back together.  What are the issues that broke you up?  Is he showing any signs of wanting to reconcile with you?

If you think there is a chance he would want to and he'd be up for being your partner in having a child, then be up front with him that you are pregnant and are looking to get back together with him so that you can be a family.  

But your child DOES have a bio dad.  You should gently encourage this man to acknowledge this even if it is through a paternity test to gain child support.  Your child will want to know their bio dad.  

It is a difficult situation.  I'm thinking that as far along as you are, that you will have to think worst case scenario----  that you will have no man in your life when you give birth.  do you have family to support you?  Do you have it all planned out---  who will watch the baby while you work, where you will live, etc.  That is what I can tell you as a mom of two kids will be the most important thing you do for your child.  Get these plans in place as best you can.  Maybe you already have and that is great.  good lu ck
1877875 tn?1422446857
Maybe I didnt put enough information on this post. I have a family that supports me FULLY. I am ready for this baby believe me. I talk to the baby daddy and try to keep him involved but he doesn't want to be.
My ex and I broke up because of a stupid fight we had. It got out of hand and he said it hurt him too much so he had to end it. Lately he has been texting me at least once a week, when we didnt talk at all.
13167 tn?1327194124
Danilynn,  I don't know you or your ex,  but in my experience when a man says a fight hurt him too much and so he can't go on and has to end it,  he was one foot out the door to begin with,  and has another girl.  

Men who would be a "great father" aren't necessarily great fathers - or even civil - babies who aren't theirs.  

In the meantime,  I think you need to work on getting child support from this man who doesn't want anything to do with being a father,  and you probably should focus on your baby and not trying to find a substitute dad for him/her.  It's unlikely that will work out,  although in rare and beautiful cases,  sometimes a man comes along who is generous enough to treat another man's child as his own.  Rarely.
13167 tn?1327194124
I meant to say,  if you want to find a spectacular dad for your child,  consider adoption where you choose the family your child goes to.  There ARE a lot of moms and dads who are married in stable homes,  who are waiting for the call that they have a baby to devote their lives to.

If you love your baby "more than anything in the world",  as you say,  prayerfully consider the gift of giving him/her an intact family with mature devoted parents.
1035252 tn?1427227833
Well they don't qualify you for parenthood when they give you a marriage certificate...they don't even guarantee that you're a good person or that you're going to be a better parent than anyone else...so if you feel like you are able to care for your child (and I mean financially, emotionally, in every way possible nourish and nurture and care for this child)...then prepare to go it alone.

Don't make plans for your ex to come back in your life. You can try, by all means, if you are in love with him don't just let it go...but don't count on him coming back to make your plans.

I like specialmom's idea of talking to him about where your mind and heart are at. No pressure...don't cry and beg him to come back..just tell him how you feel and what you've been thinking, and let him know that you want to try becoming a part of his life again. If he wants to, he'll give it a shot. If not..well..hopefully you've planned well enough that you can handle single motherhood.

Hang in there and focus on getting YOUR life ready for this child, man or not, and coming up with a way to do it all on your own. If your family is supportive, that should help immensely. Then, if your ex decides to come back into your life, you're in a good position to start your family together..if not...well, better he's honest and doesn't restart a relationship he'll stay in for the long haul if he's not ready for it ,because now that you've got a baby on the way, that means a HUGE commitment from him, and like the others have said, that's not something most men are ready or willing to do.
Avatar universal
I posted based on what information was given; wasn't intented to assume you don't want the baby; just asking you because your posts have been mainly focused on this ex and not really stating anything about the baby, which I believe should be your main focus.  As you stated everything was done with the ex so I really didn't understand why the worry on the ex. That is ALL that I was trying to say in a nutshell.  

I don't know you personally and my opinion is based SOLELY on what you have posted in this forum.  So, you are getting a pretty unbiased, honest opinion.  

I am 100% agreeing with RockRose as that is my opinion as well about all this given all this situations I have seen like this in my personal and professional life.  

That is the beauty of this forum; it is to provide you with different angles of looking at a problem.  You can agree with that opinion or not.  

All the best.
1303813 tn?1303159362
I've not read everyones comments, but I in 2010 was in the same position as you, except my ex was my baby's dad. Well, he left me for someone else andd they got married that lasted 3 weeks.. Now he's back, anyways he left in 2010 and I had my son in Jan' 2011, his dad came back in decemeber 2011. I spent near on a year raising my son ALONE. And I'm only 18! I believe, single parent households are BETTER than 2, well can be, it makes the mother or father depends which one is the dependable parent a stronger person, a more respectable person, guaranteed they do it right, buckle down and become a parent, not be one of those has a baby but still wants to act their age and go out every night and party. And I'm guessing you'll always have support, I'm just saying single parents CAN do it, there are actually more single parents households than not. I was brought up with just my mum raising me most of my life, and she has 3 kids now. All different dads, but she does it, has 2 jobs, and she is one of the strongest people I know and I respect her so much. And yes now my son has both parents, I do miss it just being us two, you can do this. And you'll be great at it. :) be strong and happy, and there for your baby always,  Is all. But I will always believe that, single parent households can be better, in a perfect world 2 parent house holds are better but this isn't a perfect world, far from it. Have faith. :) you never know what the future holds tbh. Me and my sons dad have been on and off for years, he kept leaving me for other people, but he always came back. And now this time he better stay, or he loses his son, and I'd happily do it all by myself again. It has been a confusing year regarding his dad, but, with just me and my son, the happiest year of my life. And if I'm honest, I'm glad it was just me and him, I wouldn't change it for the world. Chin up, smile, and remember you can do it. :)
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