Hi and welcome. The thing with living with the family is so many personalities and opinions in one room can drive anyone crazy. The day you get your own place is the day youll be free.
Dont worry about what your family says, its really not important in the big picture. I mean, what have they done to change with world, nothing!!!
Why would you say that out of the blue? Is there any way your parents can start you in therapy? I think it would be so essential. Again, we have a teen forum you might find helpful.
Truth is this: it's your body, and it's your life. You do or don't do with it as you choose. No one can FORCE you to do anything unless the cops are hauling you to jail for some reason. :-) It sounds to me like your family has certain expecations of you that you do not agree with. At this stage in your life, you do not have to agree to anything. Take care of your self, do your own dishes, wash your own clothes, go to school and do well FOR YOURSELF. Ask your family NOT for their approval, but for their UNDERSTANDING that you are just on the brink of adulthood, and will make good choices for yourself, by your own standards. Your family can agree with your standards or not as they wish. Make sure they know that you love them anyway, regardless of what they think... because they raised you and took care of you and taught you how to be an individual. For that, they deserve your love. Even when you don't agree. I pray this helps some, and God bless - Blu
Yes I understand what all of you are saying.
But i'm just like "damm ! Why would my own family tell me that & say they will do that to me ?!"
Well....people have different opinions and views and they may not always be yours.....that's just life. Plus, you are only 17. What would you really have to offer a baby at 17? I am sure your mother is looking at the situation from that perspective. Just because your family doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they don't care about you or love you.
I am not sure why you would "joke" about this in the first place, i.e. jokingly mention that you are pregnant.
Sounds like you are having a difficult time dealing with this abortion you did have and should probably seek counseling.
As Specialmom stated there is a teen forum as well.
All the best.
Yes, I think you are a young young girl and it is hard to relate to lots of what you write. I'd be very upset if my teenage daughter that is not financially independent and out a great deal drinking and carrying on were to get pregnant. I wouldn't demand she do anything but I would absolutely make it very clear to her that it would be HIGHLY inappropriate for her to get pregnant at this point in her life. Perhaps that is what your mother was doing. Being bold in her words to make it clear what a bad decision it would be for you to get pregnant.
Please check out the teen forum as your peers may understand a bit better where you are coming from. I still recommend counseling. good luck
jb, I agree with SM, it sounds like you would benefit from counseling. Why would you taunt your mom like that, to joke that you might be pregnant?
My guess is, she probably lies wake in bed at night and worries herself sleepless that you will get pregnant. She probably worries about you a LOT, and it's not funny to her to hear you joke about something like that.
Someday, when you're a mother of a teenage girl you'll look back on this time and probably see it in a very different light. Kids don't know how much their mothers love them and worry about them until they're the moms doing the worrying and crying.
Amen, I agree with the ladies above.
It sounds to me as though you were trying to get some kind of reaction. I'm sorry, but you cannot really critisize the harsh reaction when you brought it up in a joking and cavalier manner. Then, you get all mad, that she answers in a joling manner about an abortion, taking it personally. YOU have not told her that, so she has NO idea you've been through that. You can't hardly hold that against her when you haven't even given her the chance to help you. For one, obviously, there are reasons to be concerned, you HAVE already been pregnant, so it isn't so outrageous for their level of worry, even if they don't know about it.
Getting upset over them saying they would force you to have an abortion is futile, because they couldn't do that. You're focusing worry and energy on something completely unrealistic...that was brought up because you mentioned it.
I also think you really need therapy, you've got a lot of unresolved issues to deal with...from the abortion you now regret, addiction issues, (and I believe cutting?), etc. That's an awful lot for a 17 year old to deal with. You're putting yourself in these impossible situations by making poor choices, and the good news is that is something YOU can completely change. You need to change the focus of your life to the important stuff...your education, hanging out with friends, being a teen. You have plenty of time to have to deal with complex and stressful adult issues...so work a little harder not to put yourself in those situations.
Please ask your Mom to help you find a therapist. You have a lot of emotional issues to explore and deal with. Go hug your Mom, tell her Happy Mother's Day, and make sure she knows how much you appreciate her. She obviously cares...a LOT about your future and what happens to you.
I see what all of you guys are saying. You're right I shouldn't have said I was pregnant. But like I said there was a subject about it. I joked about it. Never thought that'll be my reaction because I've gotten different reactions before. I know it was probably wrong to do it, but I didn't expect anything they said.
Now that you all tell me that she's my mom and she probably wouldn't want me to have a baby in this age, I understand cause if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to even be having sex till she's 18. But if she did, I wouldn't tell her that. I'll be supportive of my children no matter what! I wouldn't want to have a relationship with my kids like my mom's & I because we never talked about stuff. We aren't close AT ALL. She's a compulsive liar & I hear a lot of things about her, (not saying I believe them) , but its disgusting. & my brother in the other hand, is always very annoying. I just don't always like him. We use to be very close, but not anymore. I wish we were though. I wish he were to be the person I tell everything to, but if I did, he'll snitch to my mom. They both tell each other EVERYTHING! They're both nosey , not just on me, but on everyone! They both like to talk about people. & I just don't feel like part of the family :/
I do have a lot of unresolved issues. I've always been depressed since middle school. I use to get bullied. That's when I started smoking weed. I felt so much better. Then 7th grade came , & got bullied again. Some girls jumped me & guess what my mom did when she picked me up after that fight? Laughed ! Her & her little stup!d a$$ friend! (Sorry for my language)
& then 8th grade came , & it actually got better. I went to a school where I had sooooo many friends. I was you can say "popular" there. But guys will punk on me calling me a "$lut, b!tch, who0re " . I had always had a boyfriend , so that's why. I regret getting so much boyfriend's. I have always like boys & just never tried being alone. I fell to fast for guys. Anyways, in 8th grade was when I met my boyfriend. Everything was all better.
I can say during those days, I was very happy. High school came & I think I was happy. I don't ever remembered being depressed at that time.
Then my breakup with my bf came, & that's when my depression came along. I would cry a lot, cut his name on my wrist , & stupid stuff.
But when all this happened, that's when I became a rebel. (Cause I was very shy, I NEVER stood up for myself, & I always let people put me down ) . So that's when I decided I was going to start being "mean" to people. I guess all of that has caused me anger issues now. I say whatever I want to say to anyone. I don't let ANYONE touch me like them girls did. I became VERY hardheaded.
Anyways, I know I changed the subject a little but with the thing that is causing my depression is from having an abortion. I have tried seeking counseling, I just don't know exactly how. I asked my mom like two weeks ago, but all she said was "oh . I told you to go to therapy when your doctor gave me those numbers, so now you want to go?"
I said "well you know I have a lot of anger issues now when I didn't back then so I want to go now". She never replied back.
I have said this one & I'll say it again, I dont want to go to the teen forum only cause I feel like they don't always reply. I have been on that forum, but I don't like being there. I'm sorry I'm very hardheaded, but when I say no I will stick to no. Not trying to be mean, but I feel like you guys treat me like I'm a little girl. I am young, but not that young. I understand every single thing you all say. I'm just so hardheaded to listen. Theirs only been two people on here that I have listened to because they understand where I come from. Otherwise, no one has been on my shoes or know what I do, so you can't exactly say something you guys don't know exactly about. I appreciate your advice. & the only I'm going to do here is seek therapy.
Well, this is what 17 is like. Good luck
Otherwise, no one has been on my shoes or know what I do, so you can't exactly say something you guys don't know exactly about.
LOL...how would you know what anyone does or doesn't know about? We're adults trying to guide you in the way we would our own teen children. If you feel you want someone who would understand you more "in the now", then the teen forum would be the way to go. ALL teenagers think they're "much older" than their age.
You'll see, when you get older...what we were trying to explain. Hope you get some help to get you through these issues that really could mess your life up.
"Not trying to be mean, but I feel like you guys treat me like I'm a little girl. I am young, but not that young.".......there is a HUGE difference between 17 and 47 (I will be 48 shortly). If I may take the liberty to say no one is treating you like a "little girl." We are treating you like CARING, mature adults who want the best for you and the best life for you.
Secondly, as NG stated.....you don't know what we've been through in our lives, so you can't really say we've NEVER walked in your "shoes."
Thirdly, I would tell my daughter the same thing I am telling you.
Fourthly, Being "hardheaded" in this situation will bring you nothing but more hurt and disappointment. If you want that then DON'T change a thing.
Lastly, if your mother is of no help, please seek help from an adult that CAN help you, i.e. school counselor, your church pastor or an organization that deals with teens in your situation.
All the best.
The women here are truly trying to help you. Most of us do have children. I have a daughter myself and would be giving her the same advice you're getting here.
You are only 17 and like the above poster said, that is a huge difference between 47, in my case 52.
I'm sorry you can't count on your mom. See, you want to be treated like an adult yet you seem to need your mom. There is nothing wrong with that. If she won't get you in to counseling then please take the advice you were given and talk to your school counselor. They should be able to get something set up for you. Having so much anger is'nt good for you, it is'nt good for anyone.
Once you turn 18 you can move out on your own. Do you have something to look forward to, college, a career?