Advice on my girlfriend 4 year old

[jam34983]

My girlfriend talked to me the other day, saying she wasn't happy with the fact that I don't spend time with her daughter. I was confused for a minute I really didn't know what she was talking about because, I run and pick up her daughter from school and drop her off at daycare on my 30m brakes every day. When I get off I pick her up take her home I do her homework with her take a shower feed her I'll make dinner for her and her mom so I didn't get what she was saying. She said yes you help a lot but that's helpful you don't spend time like go to the park with her read her a book go out then have a lunch with her etc. Then I got it my girlfriend and her dad was doing such a good job with that I didn't think I had to do that so I'm doing though stuff now but. But my girlfriend don't like the fact that her four-year-old sees nothing but her when she's around , when my gf isn't around my girlfriend daughter will act a little like she aqua her mom might come to me and talk to me show me stuff etc. Asked me to help her with stuff but, when my girlfriend comes home it's like I don't exist she never really interact with me etc. etc. and my girlfriend thinks it's because I didn't spend time in the way I explained in the beginning of this question with her I disagree I think it's jealousy because my girlfriend and I been dating for about two years and her daughter still cries and get mad when we kiss or hug etc. and my girlfriend don't agree.  Also my girlfriend wants me to act like a father figure when I do act like a father figure discipline not hitting her up or anything like that or give advice that she don't like she says she's not your child which I don't get. So I tell her stop telling me to be a father figure.

[AnnieBrooke]

Sounds like your girlfriend is lucky to have such a good guy, and is being somewhat unreasonable.  You should not act like a father figure, you are merely her boyfriend.  You're doing a whole lot by helping out so much, and shouldn't be expected to pal around with the child too.  There's a limit to how much of this an adult can be asked to do; when a kid is only 4, it's babysitting, not a mutual fun thing like (for example) taking in a ballgame with a 16-year-old son of a girlfriend.  

[specialmom]

Gosh, I'm going to agree with Melissa.  I honestly think your girlfriend's expectations are too much!  And ANYONE who knows a 4 year old knows they are fickle and funky at times and sure, she has bonded with you but when mom is there she wants to be with mom.  My kids were the same way.  My kids grew up with their father in the house--  my youngest preferred me for YEARS.  Not because he wasn't bonded with his dad but he was just a Mama's boy.  

Anyway, I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have found someone who will care for her child the way you do.  And she is ruining it by putting even MORE pressure on it.  This will get old.  I hope you stick it out but you do not need to do anything else other than be genuine with the child and show her love when you feel love.  Your girlfriend is not being reasonable but probably also won't respond well to being told this.  So, just tell her that you care very much for, love her child, etc. and that you are doing the best you can do.  

good luck

[Melissa2064]

Sounds like you do enough already with your girlfriend's daughter. Just sit down with your girlfriend and have a heart to heart talk with her. Communication is the key. Tell her how you feel which may get her to tell you how she feels. Good luck