14, sex and love?

[Smalltowngirlinabigworld]

He's 17.. I'm 14... We had sex once... Parents found out.... Never dated him... Can't have anything to do with him anymore.... I love him... Help idk what to do I miss him sooo much

[Nighthawk61]

SO happy to hear it honey. Good for you~ Have a great New Year, and have fun. Please stay away from getting into something like this again, it's way too early for that, and it always ends sadly. Beware of boys and their raging hormones!!

[nursegirl6572]

Good for you hon!  VERY smart move!  I'm sure your Mom was so happy you turned to her!  Way to go!!!

Now, enjoy being 14...before long you'll wish you were again!

[specialmom]

Well good luck sweetie.  I'm really happy that you have been able to talk to your mom.  That's important.  Try to stay close to her so she can help you through things.  Peace

[Smalltowngirlinabigworld]

Thank you all for the advice... I have talked to my mom and relieze he just used me and I don't love him. Thank you all sooo much!

[danil97]

Hi there, I totally agree to what everyone has said & it's so right for your parents to act in your best interst coz they care about you. .14yrs. Naive & new to the game 17yr ol dude - usually just thinkin about getting some one laid and thats all it usually is. Yes it's hard for you honey & you wish you would reverse It. You think his the only love of your life but when you grow older, Youll laugh at the mistake you made ..it's okay to cry it out, it will get better in time, focus your énergy on your studies, get yourself a new look, exercise, eat well, just take care of your self, try to keep close to parents and earn their trust again, keeo your self extremely busy such that you dont over think stuff. Surround yourself with friends, if it's listening to music that makes you feel better, do it ..do your hobbies more, work at acing all your classes. After some time, you will look at yourself in the mirror & you will be proud of overcoming such a heart ache ...there will be many guys in you life, I can't promise you won't get hurt, I can't promise you won't hurt many but with age, you make better decisions ..for future references never give it up on the first day. We make mistakes & we learn from them. Thats what turns in you into a beautiful woman. Don't sink in depression honey, you have the power to move past this. Remember as you sit looking through your window & crying about him, longing for him,the world has not stopped for you, it's still moving on. It's all about self will but don't punish your self if you don't feel better in seconds, it takes time! Focus your energy on other healthy activities.

[RockRose]

I agree with the others,  but I do have to acknowledge the incredibly strong feelings of first love.  First romantic love isn't the agape kind,  that thinks of others first,  has a maturity to make good decisions,  etc.,  but it is the most powerful brain chemical addiction we can have without drugs.  There's a reason the Romeo and Juliet story has been around for the ages - because we all can identify with it.  First "love" and loss is a powerful,  powerful loss.

I agree you should tell your mother - or your school counselor - about your feelings and get further help.  

But I also think this takes time - you're going through withdrawal,  in a very literal sense - and hope you can recover soon.

[wyrpamatz]

I not trying to judge you but seriously what is a 14 year old doing having sex.you should focused on having fun with your friends and not being depressed over as what we Hispanics call it "amor pasajero" which means a love that just passes by. It isn't the same love you feel as you get older.

[Nighthawk61]

It's dangerous for you to have sex at this age, because you can't handle the the emotions or the logistics of having a love relationship at your age honey.

It's like taking a drug and having no clue that it's addictive and will ruin your life with wanting more than you can afford to pay.

You need to concentrate you focus on other things, I'm afraid that's all you can do right now. Be the best you that you can be. Learn new things. Read. Exercise. Watch movies. Make friends. You have to plan for a relationship, and that means dating someone and knowing them before you risk giving your heart to them. Everything has to be there to support the relationship in order for it to work out. Sorry you're feeling sad, hope you make yourself feel better soon!!! Time heals all wounds.

[Londres70]

Good heavens.  Totally agree with SM and NG.

[specialmom]

Oh my goodness, thank you nursegirl for sharing the other post.  On the surface, we can all say that you as a 14 year old girl don't quite understand love and that sex sure isn't love, etc.

But so much more is going on here.  I am afraid for you.  You need to share with your mother or someone older that can help you the extent of what is going on inside of you.  Depression sounds very possible as well as obsession. Those things are treatable sweetie.  It is NOT typical to feel something like love or obsession for someone you haven't ever had an emotional bond to and sex one time is not an emotional bond.  It feels that way to you but this is unhealthy thinking.  This is all probably hard to understand because you are in the moment right now and your youth makes it hard to see big picture.  This is why you need to speak to an adult and take some help for how you are feeling.  Why should you do this?  Because life can be great.  You may need to work through these emotional issues to eventually begin thinking in a healthy way but once you do that, you may find that you can be in a relationship with another that is based on real things and good for you.  

Anyway, nursegirl gave excellent advice.  Please please talk to an adult.  peace and luck to you

[nursegirl6572]

I recognized your username, and realized I had replied to you in the Depression community.  I wanted to share your other thread with these good folks here, so they can see the extent this is affecting you.  Your thread here is pretty brief.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Depression/Depressed--alone--confused-and-ready-to-die/show/1872117#post_8685873

I surely hope you reach out to those who care about you for support.  I know these things seem SO big at your age, and I know you'll probably roll your eyes, but SOME day, you'll wonder why you were ever so devastated.  Wisdom comes with age...you'll get there hon.

[Londres70]

Agree with AnnieBrooke.

Not sure how you are "in love" with someone who you had sex with once and never dated.  I am pretty sure this isn't love.  This guy probably isn't or wasn't feeling "love."  It's best to connect with a guy without diving into sex, i.e. have a relationship BEFORE the sex.  

Speaking as a mother of a 14 year old girl I would have done the same as your parents if I found out she did this.  

I would say pour all your energy into school and more positive and meaningful activities.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Too bad you had sex.  They probably would have tolerated the relationship if you had not.

All I can say is that we feel our love deeply at 14, but
a)  it isn't the same love you will feel when you are an adult
b)  it probably isn't the same love your boyfriend was feeling (his was almost undoubtedly more shallow and more based on lust)

All you can do is try to develop new interests so you are not mooning around with nothing interesting to distract your mind.

Hate to say this, but your parents are acting in your own best interests.  Having sex at 14 is a bad idea.