37 Year-Old Treats Adopted 15 Year-Old Like Girlfriend, Is Divorced

Question

My boyfriend has four kids, two adopted. His oldest (adopted female, 15) is very sick in the head. She’s called him her ex in pictures she’s drawn of killing me, her standing there smiling as I’m decapitated by her knife, the house is also burnt down with another dead person - my young son. She plays sex games at school, sends naked pics to numerous males, hates when I’m there, acts like a creepy, jealous ex girlfriend and worse, MY BOYFRIEND WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT! CYFD is involved and he hides all of this behavior from them. He stares at her boobs, shamelessly and constantly, as long as she’s in front of him. She then, flaunts everything she can, as much as possible, bending as far over as possible for the show these two are in. He ditched me on my birthday and took her out shopping and hid another minor female on his property for over twelve hours, while family thought she’d run away. My boyfriend was told to keep these girls separated by her mother, and I told him three to four times. This other minor female was in on the sex game at school and is so promiscuous, that her mother forced her to get on birth control. He knew all of this, waited for me to leave, took his adopted “daughter” (that flirts with him and calls him by name after ten years of being there) and they picked up this other minor girl he was told to basically leave the **** alone. He didn’t have her call her mother. He called into work. He told nobody, and I was already chewing him out for buying this “daughter” thong panties and taking her out basically IN MY PLACE, like a **** date! The mother of the girl contacted me, frantically because she’d not come home all night. She was picked up by my boyfriend and stayed all night and all day. Meanwhile, out of nowhere, he began drinking THAT NIGHT and smoking pot, again! When I found out he had her, I was enraged. The mother of this girl did absolutely nothing about it. My boyfriend had this young girl tell her mom SHE lied to him and so her mom said it was okay, also knowing I told him she wasn’t supposed to be around. In what world does a single man not have a minor female call her mother if staying over and AFTER hearing she was into sex, picks her up the very next week and parties with them? My boyfriend’s ex is not allowed around the kids because she got into a physical altercation with the adopted oldest female kid. An altercation that this kid started! This kid opted (OF COURSE) to stay full-time with her “boyfriend” adopted dad, where the other three kids are only there half of the time... As if she planned it - like they planned it. She was supposed to go back with her mother after she got out of prison and my boyfriend told her horrible things, to stop them from talking and she needs her mom badly at this point. I don’t even know what questions to ask but does ANYONE have some advice or have you dealt with anything like this - what did you do? My boyfriend is the only “fit” parent in their lives right now! Though he will not get onto her for anything. He won’t act like a dad and ALL of his kids, he’s had calling him by his first name! This girl has snuck over to stay the night alone with him, not knowing I was going to be there and he says he “doesn’t know why she acts this way.” I have pictures of this oldest girl’s killing drawings, steak knives in her drawers and a collection of hotel key cards she saved, when my boyfriend has TONS of shampoos, etc. from this SAME hotel! Where do I even begin?! Please offer some sound advice because I’m in total shock and all kids will be taken into state custody, if I reported this and the girl seems to be the manipulative aggressor!

Nighthawk61 · Answer

AB was right, you would do far better for your family (you and your son) to move on to a shelter, and take advantage of any therapy they can offer, it sounds like you've had a hard life and are grasping at straws to find some meaning and consistency, but you will not find it with people like this. You both deserve better, but it will take your strength as a mother to get it done. You're in my thoughts and prayers, that you find the strength to reach out to people in your real life that can help you with lodging, food, and the necessities and get you independent of having to pretend that you can rely on just anybody to keep you and your boy safe and sound. Only you can keep your son safe and sound being the mother you need to be. Get away from this, get a life coach to help you from falling into anything like this again. That would be my best advice for you to take very literally.

Nighthawk61 · Answer

So, is your child still in this situation?

AnnieBrooke · Answer

You can't solve this, any of it. All you can do is save yourself and especially save your child.

You can't call blame and then everything will be all right. They are not waiting for you to, they will not say, "Oh, I see, you are correct, I will change my behavior and my thoughts immediately." Get real about this, it is emotionally practically life and death for your child and even for you.

And get out. Your child is worth all the treasure in the world. You are serving up junk. It's like you have chosen to put your young child in the sexual equivalent of a crack house. 

All you can do is tell the young girl that you are worried for what she is doing to her life, and tell the man calmly that he is disgusting, and get out get out get out get out. How many red flags do you need?

Even if you have to move in with a relative or take your child to a shelter, you are both better off there than in this unwholesome (to say the least) situation.

Nighthawk61 · Answer

I think you need to ask yourself why you're there? I mean, why would you waste your time on this dude? Are you so lonely , that you would not only waste your time but mostly, risk your own child being influenced by this band of degenerates. When you're surrounded by degenerate ridiculous behavior, and you don't walk, you're complicit in the mess, You're part of the drama. Get out, shake it off, and try again, but beware of red flags. We all only have so much time to find a partner to actually enjoy growing old with. He's not even a "favorite waste of time" , he sounds like an idiot.

specialmom · Answer

I have to ask you this important question.  Why, oh why, is this your boyfriend?  What do you want with this guy?  Ya, the daughter sounds messed up but WITH a messed up dad.  He is a contributor to all of her inappropriate behavior by his lack of parenting.  AND he stares at her boobs.  gulp.  You find that to be a good man to have around your younger child?  Nope. Nope. Nope.  This is a no brainer for me.  Love does not conquer all and I'd get myself far away from the boyfriend from H-E- double toothpick right away.  And his daughter that has boobs he likes to stare at and lie for.  You are doing your own child no favors by bringing this drama into your life. Get out.  Like yesterday. good luck