Ex boyfriend

[Simba8nala]

Hi I'm 16 and me and my ex who dated for 8 months and broke up this past october(2011) have been doing this ridiculous thing since then. His parents did not like me which is why we broke up eventually after 5 months of him fighting for me. But since November when his next gf cheated on him he came crawling back but doesn't want to date. One day he'll tell me he loves me and wants to marry me after highschool( longshot I know) and the next hes saying he doesn't care. I know I should just say f it and be done with him but I did love him and a part of me always will. I know you are probably thinking I'm 16 and know nothing about love but my feelings are pure and clear for him and since him I haven't been able to truly fall for anyone else. Any advice on how to move on?

[Simba8nala]

Thank you for the advice and just like I feared you were you were correct. The ex and the alcoholic have been dropped completely. I can't say I'm not with someone else because I am but this guy has stuck by me through everything and helped talk some sense into me when it came to other relationships. He is as stress free as it gets and he actually pushes me to do good in school and all that good stuff:) He also does not have a drinking or drug problem

[Londres70]

Dear, I am not saying these boys are affecting your grades.  What I am saying is you need to put less focus on boys and boyfriends especially boys who have serious issues and don't need a girlfriend.  

Put the focus mostly on you and creating a future for yourself.  

Don't let a boy define your life and/or be the main focus in your daily life.  

Be by yourself for a while and seriously reevaluate this part of your life.  

[nursegirl6572]

Hon....you are taking on WAY too many messy and complicated problems at such a young age.  Drinking problems?  Ex playing mind games?

I would take specialmom's advice...don't worry about guys right now.  Have fun being with your girlfriends, chatting on the phone, etc.  Where would you rather be?.....An AA meeting, or the mall?

Time to put YOU first, my dear.

[Simba8nala]

And no Me and the alcohol guy are taking a step back until he quits drinking completely

[Simba8nala]

Don't be sorry for saying that your more than likely right. I don't ever let boys effect my grades or anything like that.

[Londres70]

Dear, aren't you with another boy right now?  The boy that had a drinking problem?  

In regards to this ex......well, the "back and forth" business usually NEVER works.  I WOULDN'T recommend doing it/getting back with him.  

In my opinion, he is playing games and perhaps he is hitting you up hard because he can't find anyone else who wants to be with him at the moment.  You are probably his "ace in the hole" meaning his "backup."

You are so young dear and I would encourage you not to put so much focus on boys and having a bf.  Don't waste your youth on nonsense.  16 turns quicking into 21 and 21 turns quickly into 40.  In other words you should be putting more focus/emphasis on school and activities that will POSITIVELY influence your future.  

The "L" word is tossed around so loosely by young people who really don't know the real meaning of love just to get what they want when they want.

Keep ignoring him.  He will stop bothering you eventually.  

An ex is an ex for a REASON or REASONS.....keep that in mind.  

Plus his parents aren't going anywhere and you would have to deal with them if you date their son again and trust me you don't want that.  

"He said he doesn't want to jump into being serious but he needs me in his life and it took me almost leaving for good for him to man up and tell me how he really feels.".....He sures sounds like a "smooth operator."  Sorry, this is a bunch of BULL in my opinion.  

[Simba8nala]

So I ignored him and didn't say a word to him and last night he texts me saying he's sorry he's been treating me like this and that he elwas trying to push me away so he wouldn't hurt me. He said he still loves and misses me and us but doesn't know what to do. The main reason we broke up was because his parents disliked me. He turns 18 tomorrow though and he said he wants to take me out when he gets back on Saturday. He said he doesn't want to jump into being serious but he needs me in his life and it took me almost leaving for good for him to man up and tell me how he really feels. Comments on this?

[Londres70]

A jerk should be pretty easy to forget.....in regards to your ex.  

I would encourage you to find some positive activities to get involved in and not get all involved in this drama.  

As TQG mentioned.......just don't respond to him.  

[Simba8nala]

The guy with alcohol problems is my actual boyfriend and he has stopped alcohol use since I talked to him about it. The guy I posted this about is my ex boyfriend of last year. And I have not texted him and he hasn't texted me in a few days so I think it might finally be done. I love him but I think I love who he was and what we were more. When he turned 17 he went from being my sweet boy whose world revolved around me to being a complete jerk. Thank you for all of your help

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm going to encourage you . . .  empower you . . .  to focus on something other than HIM and boyfriends in general.  Know how to put yourself in the position of getting the best guys out there?  By making them less important than yourself and your own endeavors.  You can study really hard, make awesome grades, and go to a good college.  That is powerful and shows the world that you care enough about yourself to demand that any man that enters your life will treat you with respect.  You can work on hobbies that you enjoy to be well rounded.  You can really solidify your friendships so that people always have your back and they can give you a reality check when some jerk starts stringing you along.  

I feel very very strongly about this.  These next few years will set a tone for the rest of your life.  If you are in and out of drama filled relationships, worrying about THAT verses school and yourself, you are going to miss the boat.  

I wish you lots of luck.  I agree with quiet girl to not take his calls or texts to move on.  Peace and luck

[Londres70]

"Any advice on how to move on?"  Well....think about your future?  You want a nice, bright future, correct?

After reading this post and briefly skimming your other posts it is safe to say this guy is BAD news.  Anyone encouraging you to things you know aren't in your best interest....i.e. the situation with the alcohol.... isn't the guy for you.  To add.... A future with someone struggling with a drinking problem will NOT be bright or promising I can guarantee you that.    

Find activities to get involved with that you will enjoy and that will help you to get your mind off him.  Go and do things with your girlfriends.  

"I know you are probably thinking I'm 16 and know nothing about love but my feelings are pure and clear for him and since him I haven't been able to truly fall for anyone else."  ....I am not doubting nor can I confirm you are experiencing "true love" for this guy, but you should save these feelings for someone "worth" it.  In my opinion, he isn't.  

[nursegirl6572]

Honey, he's playing mind games with you, which, in itself is a horrible quality in someone who is supposed to care about you.

I don't doubt you love him, I remember what 16-year old love feels like.  It's VERY intense.  BUT, it's also very different from an adult relationship.  That being said...you are so young, why stay commited to someone who is so careless with your heart?  Who has a blatant disregard for your feelings?

Not to mention, you're basically a rebound girl.  He broke it off with the last girl, and because you were "familiar", he came crawling back.  You obviously know you can move on after a break up...as you have already done so once with him.  Why not do it again?  ONLY, this time...make a clean break.  You don't have to be rude to one another, but the whole "let's be friends" thing never works.  Agree to just break it off and call it quits.

If you don't want to make a clean break and move on (which would totally be my recommendation)...then don't be exculsive.  Agree to date others, and then do so.  Hopefully, you'll find someone who treats you much better.

[thatquietgirl]

My best advice is: don't take his calls and don't talk to him.  Doing either of these things will make it more likely for you to cave.  Once you've moved on, a friendship may be possible, but that's a long shot.  He is clearly not emotionally ready for a real relationship if he's playing games like that.