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Avatar universal

A guy I am dating fingered my butt during oral sex

Hello I just started dating this guy a month ago. Everything is so fantastic and even though he is younger than me ( I am 23 and he is 18) Things are going breezy so far despite his age, however, today he was giving me oral sex and fingering me and then fingered my butt. I was very shocked by it and suddenly told him to quit. That's when I began to wonder is he gay or bi. I had these feelings on our first date because he kept looking at one of the male waiters. When I confronted him about it, he told me he knew that guy because he stay in the neighborhood with his grandmother and wanted to make sure before he said hi. He did say that during the conversation before he began watching the guy. After that I did not want anything to do with him, but I gave him another chance and things were going great until he started to stick his finger in my butt. I asked him where he get that from and who has he done it to and he tells me from pornography. He also told me he did anal with a girl and that anal with a girl is not gay. I don't see any signs of homosexuality, but I think he's curious. I also searched his phone and he has ton of hetero type pornography or naked women dancing on camera.
14 Responses
Avatar universal
Just tell him you're not into anal fingering.  It's really not a huge deal that he did that.  Sounds like he's just doing what he's seen and decided to see if it feels good for you.
Avatar universal
Did you post under the name 'Beautifulanonymousbeauty' before?

Well, I am not sure where you are getting he is gay or bi just because he did what he did.  Sounds like he is just trying this and that because of what he has seen  in porn and/or what he has heard about from other guys...........pretty typical for a guy his age.  Secondly he just said "hi" to the other guy.  So what.

Just tell him you don't like it and be done with it.  If he doesn't get the message then worry...........I am talking about the sexual stuff you don't like.  

You sound too suspicious and paranoid as there is nothing here.  If you can't even trust him then why SLEEP with him?  No one should be having sex with someone he/she isn't trusting and/or sure about.



Avatar universal
To add:  I just read you searched his phone.  What's that about?  I really don't think this guy deserves all that based on some paranoid thoughts you have.  You really had NO right to do that.

Why don't you ask him directly about his sexuality instead of playing detective?  

Your posts says A LOT about you more then him and it isn't good.

Do yourself and him a favor and end this if you doubt about WHO he is.

Avatar universal
No that's not my username and I asked him already and he's not. I've got past experience that makes me paranoid
3060903 tn?1398568723
I think i would tell any partner that you want to "talk" about anything that enters your body invasively. In fact, i don't think it's too cool that he didn't discuss it with you. But he may be young and inexperienced, and this hopefully has been his "experience" from which to learn from.

As for your being judgmental when he looked at a guy wondering if he might have known him and considering saying "Hi". oh my goodness. Live and let live my friend. Be open to allowing people to be who they are without judging their every nuance.

It seems that both of these things are showing both of your ages. Just be open to new things, meeting new people, allowing your friends to live their own lives without having to impress you , or worry about you putting their every move under a microscope.

Because you did not question your self very deeply, on whether it really was odd that he looked at another human being, to see if they might have known them., you progressed (instead of questioning your own self) and started to think about invading his privacy (and not just jump to label him).

there are some women that are so clueless to reading people, and seeing any red flags. You are hyper sensitive to over reading, or letting your imagination run amok. What you need is to find a happy medium for yourself and your partner(s). By all means,in the infancy of your adulthood and experience,  protect your body like you are sleeping with a person with IIV (regardless of their stated sexuality),and  protect yourself always from unwanted pregnancy, (because having a child should be a happy planned even with two very interested parties). all the while, opening yourself up to meeting new people, accepting new personalities into your life, learning to speak up for yourself as to your expectations (talk rule about sex toys, or anatomy). You'll feel much more comfortable with your dates if you work on yourself and your thinking and communication styles.

3060903 tn?1398568723
Transformation
Don Miguel Ruiz shares centuries of Toltec wisdom in his book The Four Agreements. To apply this wisdom, choose to create these profound agreements with yourself:

Be impeccable with your word. Carefully examine what you tell yourself, what you tell others, and when you decide to speak. Use your word consistently to express and strengthen your values. Don't employ or overlook factual errors, fallacies or, distortions during communications. Express yourself authentically. Earn trust. Do what you say.
Don't take anything personally. It's not all about you. Reject the fallacy of personalization. Rely confidently on your own well-founded self-concept; it is the only evaluation of your worth that matters. Challenge and balance your first-person viewpoint.
Don't make assumptions. Suspend judgment. Readily acknowledge what you don't know and have the courage to ask questions. Carefully examine the evidence. Don't attribute intent to others. Retain a healthy skepticism as you avoid cynicism. Develop, refine, and constantly apply your own well-founded theory of knowledge.
Always do your best. Do all you can while you recognize you can't do it all. All you can do is all you can do. When you have truly done your best, there is no reason for shame. It's ok to goof off if you do your best when it matters the most. Apply your time and effort toward your well-chosen and enduring goals.
http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/authenticself.htm
Avatar universal
I think you should just say your not comfortable with it.

I think it's normal for a guy to try it at one point. But I think he should of asked you first if you wanted to.

Avatar universal
1. Just tell him that you don’t like butt fingering, honestly. Men don’t just do this to each other, men also do it to women, women to men, women to women.

2. So what if he’s bi!! That doesn’t mean he will cheat on you!! There’s nothing wrong with him being bi, he doesn’t get more sex than others, he just likes guys and girls.

3. To be honest I think your paranoid. If not paranoid then you had a relationship where a guy did cheat on you with another guy. Just because he was staring at a waiter doesn’t make him gay or bi. He was either hungry or simply wanted to talk to a friend.
1 Comments
Also, if you don’t trust him so much as to not ask him about his sexuality and to go peeking through his phone than maybe you should not be together, this is not a healthy relationship.
Avatar universal
Well if you are going on the perception of him doing anal sex with another gal is gay then wouldnt that also mean him going down on you makes you gay since thats what lesbians do? (No offence meant to anyone)
Avatar universal
There's nothing homosexual about that!  Some woman enjoy it, same with anal intercourse! I am 39 yrs old, & have been married 16 yrs.  When my husband & I first got together, he attempted the same thing!! At THAT TIME, I wasn't Into It!! However, throughout Our Marriage, Having children, & As We Grew Closer; Our Sex Life Did Too & it's AMAZING!!  There's nothing wrong or shameful about Trying New Things!! (NOT That I Am Saying You Should!!)... Every Person Has their Own "Likes"  Just let your BF know, what you're into!  Talking to each other, about Your LIKES/DISLIKES, Can Go A LONG WAY!!  &
No Person should  feel, (Or Made To Feel) Embarrassed about their sexual interest!  

FYI.... "Guys" May SEEM Confident!!  Trust me, They Are NOT!!! Especially at 18!!!  You may have made him feel a little insecure, (Reguadless of How He Respondd/Acts!!).
Avatar universal
It’s normal for a guy to want to do this. It isn’t gay just another form of of pleasure and since he’s wanting to do it with you it’s definitely just heterosexual. If you are not comfortable just tell him so but honestly if it doesn’t go against your morals I think you should take steps to slowly get use to it. I am only saying this because I enjoy it but it had taken me about a year to slowly love it and the best thing is I can’t get pregnant. I can give so much advice on this it’s ridiculous haha but honestly I think it’s worth it as long as you’re in a long term/ forever relationship like my husband and I, if you are only starting off you definitely want to be with someone you completely trust. Anyone is free to ask me on this. Hopefully I can help.
Avatar universal
I am a guy and guys typically like all 3 forms of pleasure. Vaginal, anal, oral.
1 Comments
****Giving all three forms, but yes if you aren’t comfortable tell him.
Avatar universal
You're both young and inexperienced. Sorry but young ,inexperienced guys esp the ones who claim they can pleasure you and know what they're doing...well they don't! You're in your early twenties go find an older guy,late twenties early thirties. I know you may have been shocked, but when you find the right shocked it'll be amazing... It doesn't necessarily need to be a finger either, it could be a tongue that takes you to places you never knew existed!
Avatar universal
You poor innocent thing. Im sure you know by now, were told, discovered, and are long past any more answers regarding this subject. Anatomy/Physiology regarding the human body tells us that a great number of sensitive nerves are located in the anus. Men and women can experience great pleasure, when care, expectations and delicacy come together in love making...sex..He was probably too young to communicate this to you properly..
Gay has zero to do with it.
1 Comments
Thanks for that input.  Do agree that gay has nothing to do with it.  Hope you come back to share with our members here!
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