??

[carlanb]

if you were in an abusive relationship and your pregnant with his son. and been in it for three years now. would you try to make a family for your son bc you want your son to have his mom and dad together. or leave with your son and make it on your own.

[specialmom]

I do think at times that staying for the kids is appropriate if the relationship isn't toxic or abuse is not happening.  I really think many give up way too easy on relationships and leave when the going gets hard verses trying to work it out and kids generally suffer when parents split up.  But this isn't that kind of case.  Abuse is always a deal breaker.  good luck

[Kayannaboo]

Leave. Persons always believe that its best to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of the children. However, it is those same children who suffer in the end.


Anna

[specialmom]

That was a very helpful and heartfelt post.  thank you

[confusedmystery]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in. It's hard, but you need to do what's best for you and ur child.
I was with my ex for 10 years and went through 4 pregnancies with him. I will never regret having my children, but I was very young and naive. He was 13 years older than me and I didn't have anyone but him.
If I could go back- I would've left him in the beginning. Being with him for so long- complicated my life, made me constantly look over my shoulder, involved social services into our lives, made my children grow up believing that it was 'normal' for a man to hit or mentally abuse a woman.... They actually started to loose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself.
I broke up with him about 6 years ago and I haven't looked back. It was the best decision I have ever made for me and my children. It was hard being on my own and hard without support from family, but I managed. You find that you do, you have to. There are many different charities available to help. Take advantage, that's what they're there for. There's no need to feel ashamed. You need to put yourself first for once and take yourself forward onto bigger and better things. I am working now, I can drive, I have been to college... My children have grown up knowing what is right and wrong and respect me.
He is still in the same position he has always been in... And still in relationships with young girls..
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
Take care and think of number 1. xxx

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sounds really hard and you are sure in a tough spot.  I'm very sorry about that.  Sometimes life feels out of control and especially during that vulnerable time of expecting a baby.

What usually happens with abuse is that it starts slow and gets worse over time.  it could even get worse than it is now.  If he is physically abusive, you need to document it.  That may come into play at some point with your child you're carrying.  

So, it is my advice to leave now.  But to leave the door open for his getting help.  You will forever be connected to him through your child.  If he goes to counseling and works on anger management and OWNS that he has a problem, then you can revisit reconciling and being together later.

but while he has rage and takes it out on you in the form of abuse, you must protect yourself and your baby.  best of luck to you.  peace

[4god]

    I think that I would talk to your spouse about going to get some help for his being abusive to you. and may be seek counseling as well. If you can go to couples therapy that helps with abuse then it may help/ If he refuses, then You would really need to think about your baby who will ultimately suffer in this relationship if your spouse will not go for help. As well as you suffering from the abuse your self. I hope that things work out for you hon. Kathy

[adavis2013]

I can't get into my story because like most it hurts a lot to talk about. My friend showed me the song Last to Say by Atmosphere and it helped me a lot, especially with having a child who had been exposed to the abuse. It might help you like it did me <3

[TippaShay]

Pack up and leave as soon as you can I just recently saw on the news this man went to jail for almost killing his gf by beating her unconcious he got out of jail and within 2 days of him getting out he killed her 2 yr old daughter by slamming her against the wall and beating her the baby did however die. Never let someone take advantage of you this way if he loved you never would he lay hands on you. Domestic violence cases are on the rise just like homicides don't be a statistic run honey don't take his crap anymore if not for you do it for your kid. Be safe praying for you. This is sad bc alot of people take this so lightly but this stuff happens daily its real contact the domestic violence hotline they will help you get out. If need be get yourself a restraining order no one deserves to die over anothers irresponsible actions.

[RockRose]

carlan,  what do you mean when you say abusive?  

Reading back through your posts it sounds like you get emotional support from your boyfriend's mother - do you live there?

[geebabyyy]

You love him thats understadable.. i had a frriend in the same position she stayed with him all thru the pregnancy when her daughter was born the Dr noticed in different places the babys skin was thicker.. he explianed to her he knew what the father was doing the baby could sence that harm while growing and that skin was the babys way of adapting knowing that it was going to be harmed... She left the man and is doing awsome now the babys skin is raised in a few places but will go away with time.. truth is its about your baby your his protector if somthing happens to you who do you think your man will go after next? Hope everything works out for you and your son

[Jackie12846]

Sadly i was in one for 8 years!  I took so much courage and strength to leave,  he said he would kill me and my family but one day when we were on "good terms" I up and left when he least expected it. I never told my family about his abusive ways i never talked to any one about it however i suspect his family knew because they would be careful of what was said around us. Anything would literally set him off.  The day i left i felt amazing like10000 lbs lifted off of my shoulders. But I must warn you that a week later I wanted to go back.  Why I just don't know however I tried to stay busy and focused at accomplishing one goal at a time.  Find a job, find a stable place to live, get a car, ya da ya da yada. He looked for me for a while and tried to make me feel bad for leaving he said he was going to commit suicide,  cash his car, these were all measures to try to make me feel sorry for him.  I didn't pay any attention to him.  

Years later i found my perfect man... A man that truly loves me and cherishes the ground i walk on. I look back today regretful that i wasted 8 years of my life with man who was worth ****!

Good luck you too can find happiness

[pumpkin_buns]

Get out of there! !! If you feel like you have no whereto go locate a pregnancy shelter,  They help women in your situation.  Or contact a social worker to help you out!  

[NeonDreamzz]

If you have no money and no place to go, I'm sure your community has an abused and battered women shelter around your area. And they will not turn you down, expectually because your pregnant. My BF's, ex girlfriends Father runs the mission in our town. He helps people with food, furniture, housing, etc. And houses women you have been abused and are pregnant. The are nice places. So, now that you've heard other people's stories and can find a place to go, you should do it... Do what is best for your baby and you:)

[AshPotter]

I was 17 when I had my son I was with his dad who pinned me up against a wall and threatened me knowing I was pregnant and bleeding I left just went had to move into a tiny room at my mums with no money no clothes 8 weeks pregnant. He then continued to get people to give me abuse and lie about the reason I left. He promised he would be there for my child but he just didn't care although said he did all he wanted was me and I was never going back there he would come to see my son once every couple of weeks for ten/twenty minute I started not to be there and he just didn't bother when my son was 5/6 months old I told him I'd had enough he either stool to arrangements or left us alone. I haven't heard from him since and my son is 2 and a half I started seeing my boyfriend when he was 4 months old and we've now been together 2 years and expecting a baby in October. My boyfriend adores my son and my son calls him daddy (some may not agree and until I was in this situation I would have felt the same but he is my sons dad has been there every day since 4 months old and looks after him and teaches him absolutely adores him) better than that adusive arse who doesn't care and will never get the chance to see my son again if he ever bothers to try witch I doubt. I hope you just make the best decision for you and your son xx

[Leah_Dan]

Leave him. I know it will be hard but you won't regret that decision. When it's time, count to three and just do it.
I was in an abusive relationship and it took a while but I finally got out of there. I have NEVER regretted that decision. I'm now in a very happy, loving relationship and have never been happier.
My mum was in an abusive relationship with 5 kids. He wasn't just abusing her.. Sophie and Josh would be screaming in their high chairs in the dark, in the kitchen, hungry, and he wouldn't go to them or feed them. I was just a toddler when my mum noticed cigarette burns on the back of my legs (which of course, he denied). I think the final straw came when my sister and I was 4/5 and he slammed our heads down into the arm of the chair - which was wooden - for spilling soup over ourselves on accident. We were both left with bloody noses but he broke her nose, split her gum and messed up her teeth.
Don't think your guy won't do the same to your baby as he's doing to you. ANY kind of abuse is bad. Don't stand for it.
All five of us were left without a father but we all know it's for the best.
And if it's just verbal, still leave. That's JUST as bad.
I wish you all the best. Do what's best for you and your baby.

[AshleighMcneil]

Hey girl. I know what you are going through better than anyone,  I wont go into my x partner and mines history at all, to be honest I dont have the heart to be reminded, but here is a thought; look on it from a kids point of view as I am unfortunately an expert there too- when I was a kid my mum and dad sepperated, and my mum went on to date a guy. At first he used to only hit my mum, then he started emotionaly abusing both her and me. This went on for years, Then the **** started hitting me awel. I was so close to dieing by his hands once, he put myself in hospital 3 times in alland mum-ive lost count, my mum still stayed. horribly blunt, im sorry, but my point is it always starts small. It never ends small. That point when you really need to get out sometimes is too late, the damage watching your mum getting hurt by someone who is supposed to love her is something that is with you for life. It effects every aspect. Watching your mum get hurt is the same as watching your child being hurt, a helpless empty, and horrible feeling.  If you don't leave for your sake, leave for your babys, I hope it pans out alright. Best of luck

[abbb01]

Do whatever u have to to get away from him. Firstly u don't deserve it and since u are pregnant either he will become abusive to the child (not at first but normal kid tantrums can push any guys nerve) and/or ur son will grow up thinking its normal and ok to treat ppl like this possibly even u. U and ur child deserve to be safe and happy.

[babyonboard14]

I have never been in an abusive relationship but i have seen one my mom as an example im now almost 21 and i have a trust issue and NEVER FORGETTEN what that guy had done to my mom and I.

[JuneCleaver256]

Leave him. They never get better trust me...

[titan_nation]

I'm in your boat, love. I've been with the man who's given me the child in me for almost 6 years. In the first 4 he was my best friend - when my best friend killed himself, he was there. Every time I wanted to kill myself after, he stopped me. I owe him my life.
He doesn't abuse me physically very much, mostly emotionally. He's done a lot of things to me physically, and I think the worst part is I always fight back. I'll say things he doesn't like, and no matter what it is, if he gets too upset, he'll slap me as hard as he can and throw things and scream in my face, or spit in my face. Whenever he does, I scream back and ask him if he wants to see how it felt when he slapped me and he'll laugh, so I'll do it back. Whenever he adds things on, I do it back. The last time we fought was on Tuesday. He slapped me twice, the second time I almost fell and smashed the glass table beside us. He laughed and said "Seriously are you that weak?!" So I shoved him back and ended up fracturing my middle finger in two places.

Somehow I still love him, because we aren't always like that. He tries to make me apologize first for things he started, and sometimes I do. I want to leave and I have before. But I always end up going back and it always ends up being worse. I tell you all this because I don't want you to have to feel as helpless as I do. Leave while you can before you've gotten so far into it that you don't remember how.

[sammieandbaby]

There's actually a forum for abuse on medhelp. Not sure how active it is. PLEASE BE CAREFUL! I grew up abused and was in a highly abusive relationship for years. I gained PTSD from it. That's all I will say. I hate talking about my disorder. :/ You deserve safety AND love. :) good luck, mama.

[Urmomenttakestime]

Ok ppl may not like me for saying this but as a women there's something about that man keeping you there or you would have left longtime ago Iif your being abused do ssomething about it pregnant or not don't allow no man cause that's all he is be strong enough to leave or strong enough to hold it together and put that abusive man in his place

[contrerasgrl0731]

The year we were together with my son i would abuse me he did it a few times in front of my son nd now i find out from his family that lives close by that my son doesn't.talk yey he will b five in july. I told my mom about it she says it bc he was tramatized from when his dad would put his hands on me and now im 5mon.pg and promised myswlf i would never iny lif let that happen again

[Cherrishhess95]

They have groups you can contact that'll help you leave. No one wants you in this kind of situation. No one. Not even people who have no clue you exist. Please, think of your baby boy