ABORTION....

[kiccolini]

SO I am 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant now. I do not what so ever want an abortion. But my bf / bd his family is Muslim and does not beliee in me having the baby or they will have nothing to do with me they say I should get rid of the baby then get married then have a baby cause it won't be pure Muslim. Even I'f I convert they still want me to get rid of it ..and it even says Islam is against abortion and my my bfs such a moms boy that he's all stressed and says if I don't get one we can't be together. I've been with him so long I'm so attached I can't picture myself with out him. I get bad anxiety when I'm away from him I almost get panic attacks . He lives in Chicago n I live here in Utah. And the other day he told me he's not ready to settle down and he dosent wanna be w me. So I got on a bus and told him and his family ill do an abortion even tho I just said that to come here to be w him...I'm staying at his sister in laws and she said I can stay however long and he just thinks I'm here for a few weeks for this but I'm not. I'm just saying all that so I can secretly be closer to him....now he's asking me when I wanna do the abortion ...what can I say that I can use to why I can't get an abortion Idk I'm emotionally I mess. I know you guys will say leave him and all that but I will literally have a panic attack. So I need advice for gettin an abortion that's bad facts about it so I can use it to not get one and tell him... Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this. It's just so hard!

[vintagequeen]

You are quite welcome hun! Everyone here cares about your well-being. I know you weren't asking others their opinions of how good of a mother you will be. Being a mother is hard work for ALL mothers. We weren't born mothers you know ;) and babies don't come with instruction manuels. I think it will be very helpful for you to move in with your folks hun! The extra help will definitely be beneficial to you. I know that it is unfair that you must parent your child solo, but I am also so pleased that you didn't abort it! You have got a lot of courage sweetheart! I know you can do it!
I am sure you'll make a fine mother! But please move back in with your parents.. even just temporarily so you can get things figured out. It would be good for your folks as well as I'm sure they're excited for this baby!
Congrats and good luck hun
~VQ

[specialmom]

I think everyone is just really concerned for you kiccoline because you seem to be focused on things that are not going to help you or your child.  There is something in the way that you write that is very worrisome as if there is a total disconnect.  I think I personally am afraid that reality is going to creep up on you-----  well, actually slam into you and you are going to fall apart.  I'd like to see you living where your supportive parents are when that happens so you have someone to lean on.  good luck

[kiccolini]

Thank you vintagequeen :) good advice!
I know they care but I'm just sayin no were did I ask if I was gonna be a good mother or not. But other than that thanks for all the advice everyone

[vintagequeen]

I am very sorry to hear of these horrible circumstances. I wish nothing but the best of luck for you and your unborn child. I am not going to sit here and tell you that you aren't going to be a good mother because you're young and you suffer from anxiety. I will tell you that the probability of your boyfriend hanging around after the baby is born is slim to zero. That is very unfortunate.. Children deserve to have both of their parents actively in their lives, but that is not always the case. Raising children is difficult despite age or financial status, especially with the economy in the shape it is nowadays. No one is perfect and no one is exempt from mistakes. My parents were abusive when I was a child and it was a very tense household.. I am a good citizen, I finished high school and went on to college and have a good paying job (saying this is in reference to the person saying that prisons and mental hospitals are full of people who had lousy mothers.. I respectfully disagree... There is no saying why the person is in prison or have mental illness)
It is good that you have family to support you. Perhaps you will be able to further your education so you can be able to provide for yourself and your child. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Also, I do see other people's point of views of your situation. They are looking out for not only your well being but the well being of that sweet baby in your womb. Try not to get offended. If people didn't care, hun.. they wouldn't be posting their opinions and advice to help ya ;)
Take care hun
~VQ

[Londres70]

Didn't you come here for advice?  I really think we all would be doing you a disservice by posting advice that isn't honest and sound.  Plus, the advice/opinions are based SOLELY on what you have TOLD us.  We don't know you PERSONALLY to judge you.  No one knows the future 100% or whether or not 100% that you will be a good or bad mother, but your CURRENT situation doesn't sound like an ideal situation for a child/baby to enter and if it doesn't change and continues as is this will be DISASTROUS for you and your child.  If you think you are stressed now about this bf and "this and that," add the responsibility of a baby to that....FOOD FOR THOUGHT.    

Most of us are older and wiser than you; have lived alot longer than you have to know good and bad patterns and their consequences.  We are simply trying to SPARE you from further misery, heartbreak and despair.  

Asking for opinions or advice doesn't always mean you are going to hear EXACTLY what you want to hear; that may or may not happen.  

Strangers taking the time out to try and help you sort or figure this out is commendable in my opinion.

I would tell my daughter EXACTLY what I am telling you if she was in the same predicament.  

Go back home and get the support you need from your OWN family to deal with this and not from this bf's family who could care less about you.

[shell921]

I don't appreciate that you don't realize i am trying to help you. I have been a schoolteacher for many years and I SEE firsthand what damage is done to children who have stressed out, immature and unstable mothers. I can judge you by what you write for us all to read. You asked for opinions and you got them. Childrearing is such a tremendous undertaking and responsibility, and the price is SO HIGH that I truly feel you must feel with all your heart that it is a passionate calling. I think too many people have kids simply because it's the thing you're supposed to do. And you got pregnant by accident!
Healthy children need abundant & constant love and affection; the estimate is that it takes almost eight hours a day to raise two children to the age of eighteen. Are you able to provide that? Specifically, it will mean less time for career, hobbies, friends, sleep, your marriage, or your own self-care. It’s also no secret that children are expensive. A conservative estimate is that it costs $220,000 to raise a child to the age of eighteen. Are you financially prepared for this? I doubt it.