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908392 tn?1316526499

About cooking...

Ok my bf has been talking about marriage and stuff and although I want this in the future, I'm nervous about how things are gonna be if we do.We get along and everything and we don't have any problems but I'm nervous because his mom cooks really different to me and well he wants me to cook like his mom. I don't want to because well everyone I'm around loves my cooking but he can only handle mine for so long cuz he's used to his moms. Nobody's food compares to his moms and honestly I don't think it's the best but I don't think it's the worst.

He says that I don't have to cook like his mom but I know he doesn't like having what I make all the time. But if he had his moms he could have it everyday. I guess I just feel bad cuz I can't cook like her cuz I'm Canadian and his mom is Peruvian and I don't want him to loathe what I make. He's really picky about food and I think it could be a problem..

I guess I'm just asking for your thoughts. Anyone have this situation?
7 Responses
684030 tn?1415615923
Maybe you can pick up some cooking tips from his mom. My guess is that she'd be more than happy to teach you. Or, since he's a picky eater... maybe, he can learn to cook the kind of dishes that he enjoys eating. And, you can both share in the cooking. A lot of guys are great cooks. In fact, every man who I've been involved with have been better cooks than me. So, what might appear to be a potential problem, may not turn out to be such a problem after all.
1294091 tn?1312710901
I agree, I'm a 21 male, and i still live with my parents so whenever i had to cook for myself i used to be lazy and get take out or something. but since being with my girlfriend ive learnt that im an amazing cook, and we share in the responsibility and fun of cooking, sometimes together.

I don't think you should completely take on his mom's cooking style because he should be able to enjoy anything you make him and appreciate the effort and love gone into each dish.
but i could also understand him wanting the same meals he's had while growing up so learning a few of his very favorites would be a good idea.

At the same time i reckon he would benefit from learning how to cook them himself as you dont want to have to cook him something in advance if lets say you have to go out and he's home alone, he should be able to cook for himself when he needs to.
686059 tn?1293837427
First think about if you really want to get married at this point in time. Secondly, your future mother in laws cooking is her style and you are your own individual person with your style. If you both marry, he is no longer under the roof with mom, but with you and you both will learn from each other, have your own cooking style and shouldn't be a factor in your decision to marry him, because you don't cook like his mom.

Make sure to tell him, once you leave your mother's home, I will be doing the cooking my way. If you miss your mother's food, then have her make dinner for you, but you are you and he has to accept you as you are. I recommend that you talk with your future mother in law to teach you how to make your fiance's favorite dishes, BUT he will have to just eat what you make also. Reassure him that mom is mom and you are you and you both are different, so he has to accept you as you are and not bring him mom into the marriage as a potential problem or favoriatizm with cooking.

With that said, he has to accept your cooking as it is (like it or not).
Mother in law can teach you some special plates for his liking.
You both can have dinner at her home as well as they can come have dinner at your home and bring some of his favorite plates to contribute to the meal.

Good luck....Judy
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, so my mother in law is no longer with us on Earth but I know she is still listening so I will be careful here . . .  She and I had different ideas about taste.  I like my fish fresh, she liked hers trampled on by horses (or so it seemed).  I liked my vegis steamed maybe with a little pepper, she liked hers out of the garden with dirt on them still (NOT exaggerating on that one).  I liked my chicken baked and she liked hers squirted with amino acid spray (true).  You get my point.  She was one of the worst cooks I have ever known.  However, she loved the art of cooking and spent hours prancing about the kitchen whipping up her "specialties".  My husband speaks of his mother as if she was the great chef.  He talks of holidays when he would wake to the wonderful smells of his mom cooking in the kitchen (I'm thinking like burned pan smells) . . . but he has this picture in his mind of her.  Who am I to take that away from him?  Mom is mom and they are special.
However, once you get married . . . you will be the woman in this man's life.  I was for my husband.  It didn't matter who he thought was a good cook---------  he lived with me and I'm the one who prepares the meals.  He, at this point, would probably speak equally as lovingly about the meals I prepare him as he does his mother.  Time does that when you become his "norm".  I would take nothing personally and do your best.

One thing that would be nice is to spend a day with her making some of your boyfriend's favorites.  Tell her you want to learn how to cook maybe 3 meals that he loves.  Take any hits she can give you.  I love to cook and have different styles I incorporate into the kitchen . . . you don't have to cook Peruvian every night but it can be one of your styles you use when you feel like it.  Get some recipes.  Act interested.  I did this with my mother in law.  Every once in  a while I burn the chicken to a crisp just to bring back fond memories for my husband . . . but mostly, I just cook what I feel like cooking and he hungrily eats it!  good luck
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
I meant "hints" his mother can give you and not hits.  No hitting in the kitchen.
686059 tn?1293837427
Well, this is how I see it, when I get married, he's going to have to eat what I make him. I have to admit, the guy is Italian and cooks like a chef and I look forward to learning from him, but the day he tells me that I don't or can't cook like his mom, I will send him right back to her to reattach the umbilical cord and stay with her. I refuse to life my life in the shadows of anyone, especially his mom. She's also 83 yrs. old and has difficulty getting around, least remembering how to make meals anymore, so, I will cook what I can and if he doesn't like it, he can cook for himself. :)
686059 tn?1293837427
sorry, I meant "I refuse to life my life in the shadows of anyone, especially his mom."
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