Am I being Menatlly Abused continued-husband on CRACK PLS HELP

[sb21122]

I had originally posted a question in reference to my husband not coming home and me finding drugs on him. He had been so neglectful to me and my children. It was so bad in the beginning he left me at a hospital after he accidently broke my foot and never came home for 3 days and had a missing persons report on him. Now I did finally find out about what drugs he is using. It is crack. What had happened is I found the drugs in his coat pocket one time and in his back pocket of his jeans another time. He once told me he was on marajuana.several occasions he told me he quit it was a lie. He still not coming home at nights or gone for a day to 3 days. This past weekend he told me he was going to go to the pharmacy to get our daughters medication which is only 3 min. away. He never came home for 2 hours. He did finally call to tell me he was on his way from home and was just a couple min. away from home. He said for me to be ready he was going to take me out. I got ready and almost 2 hours later he showed up. It was so late. We just sat and talked. I could then see by the look on his face he was high. I noticed a box of cigs. in his pocket 7 asked for one. He hid his pocket from me and became protective of it. I got him to admit the drugs & asked to dispose of it.he wouldnt  I threatened to call the police. He got mad wouldnt let me call he ripped the phone cord out and ran out back door. The police did get him but he got out on his own but still in jail for a prior violation of parole. He bruised my arms andhis mom is blaming me saying her son is not on drugs will continue...

[lovemykids465]

Is there a womens shelter you can contact . I really think you need to. If not for you for the safety of your children. I have a cousin who is a crack addict. He has battled for 20 years. Does well for a while but relates. It is a very hard addiction to break and I do not see that happening. You need to get out. His mother sounds like an enabler. Please get on the web and look for a shelter they can help you from there.

[jo929]

Most states have shelters and all you have to do is call the hot line or the operator and they will take you and the children in you need to get out before he kills someone  luck  jo

[kathy434]

I think the writing is on the wall.  He is a drug addict.  As long as you continue to accept him in your life, you are not a victim of his abuse.  You are a participant.  You are wasting your time talking to him about his addiction as you are talking to his drugged mind.  If this is the life you want to live then stay.  If you feel you deserve better, which you do, then you will kick out his you know what and lock the doors and never have a thing to do with him ever again.    K

[confused mommy]

I to am dealing with a husband on crack. I did finally divorce him because he would not stop using. He has been in jail several times. He is a truck driver and recently got busted for having crack cocaine in his semi. He went to jail for several days. They let him go. He will eventually get in trouble and stay in jail. I really love this man with all my heart. It does seem like the only time he really talks from his heart is when he is on crack, and of course when he gets busted. It has taken a tole on my kids, they cry all the time for their dad to come home. It is hard for me to tell you to get out, because I need to get my ex-husband out of my life. He isn't going to change, so while he is in jail you need to leave now. He will probably sweet talk you , and tell you he will stop.  He needs to go to treatment not jail. He also needs to work the programs. Your mother-n-law sounds horrible. Do not rely on her. I am lucky because my ex-in-laws are there for me. Please be careful.

[jen46342]

Ok, first of all the obvious is to leave and really quick...like yesterday! As a parent your primary job is to protect those who look for protection, that meaning your children. And you say you have disabled children? You don't work and have no vehicle? Sounds like you would qualify for public assistance and your kids disability checks if they haven't already been recieving them....this would help you with some of the finances. There are plenty of apartment buildings and even houses that you can rent based on your monthly income. It is obvious that you know his behavior is wrong, but you really need to own up to your part here and draw the line. I feel sorry for anyone who has to stay in an abusive relationship but I sincerely have little to no respect for the person who subjects their children to it when they are clear it is wrong!

[Trialanderror]

When you first posted in December, I believe everyone suggested you get out of this town and marriage and protect yourself and your children asap. It is easier said than done if you have no family around but please don`t put your fate into his or his mother`s hands. Even if the last straw is a taxi to a women`s shelter, it sounds like you have to come up with a plan. Try to think calmly - and maybe hter is a relative somewhere who can at least get you out of nowhereland.

[sweetalexis2206]

My brother is going through something similar. He and his wife are sober now (after a lot work to get there). However, his wife has been faking back pains several times a week to go to the ER for a morphine shot (this has been going on the about a year). She has no medical insurance, and after not too long she figured out that they would see her faster if she showed up in an ambulance, so she started calling ambulances to bring her to the hospital for the drugs! Her family, knowing that she has a real problem with drug dependency, refuses to believe anything bad. So, eek. That is an awful situation for both of them to put you in. Here is what you need to remember: his behavior is extremely selfish right now. Running around with a drug problem and refusing to seek help is very serious, and a betrayal to you and your family. If you think you (or someone) can get through to him, then by all means try that. But, you shouldn't stay forever waiting for him to do so. You have to think of your children. What kind of environment is that for them? Also, drug addiction can get very expensive. The longer you wait for him to see the light, the deeper a hole he can dig you in (my sister-in-law has racked up tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills... she stacks them up in the corner and won't open them). Perhaps you can tell him that you are fed up with his problem, and you won't expose the children to that environment anymore. Find an alternate place to live (if no relatives/friends can help, check with local women's shelters for resources). Let him know you are laying down the law, and explain exactly what you need to see from him if he wants you to come home.
There is only so much you can do for a person who doesn't want to quit. You truly cannot make them do it. If losing his family isn't motivation enough, then maybe nothing will ever be enough.

[RockRose]

Do you have anyone in the world (family,  close friends,  etc.) who would welcome you and your children to come live with them?  Get a greyhound bus ticket and go.

Best wishes.  You are in the middle of this and feel helpless.  You need to get past the barrier of not seeing options,  and get out.

[sb21122]

I had my husbands mother come to the house all mad at me. She was so mean that I had to ask her nicely to leave. I had previously told her about him being on drugs. SHe told me if he didn't stop to tell him I was going to tell her. I did that and she never did anything. I don't know why she is turning it on me the exact thing that he son has been doing and she knows of it.She took the car she was letting us use. My husbands credit is not good and she helped to get us a car to use. So now she took the car and I am stranded here with no family or friends and I don't know much here as I am new to the area here in MD.I have three children. 2 that are disabled and I have no way to get even to a store, schools etc. Because his mom got mad and took the car because he son went to jail. I don't know what to do. He is supposed to be getting out of jail either today or soon. I feel scared and stuck. He is in denial and so is his mother. The one thing I don't get is his mom put him in rehab when he was younger for doing "greens" what ever that is I have no idea. She told me about that a few months back. I don't know why I am being treated as well as my kids this way and not sure what to do. Any help anyone can offer me I would be so thanful for. I do love my husband but this is truly ruining everything. I even tried to tell his mom he needs help but won't accept that even though she is aware of his problme. What can I do?????
Thank you