Am I just being stubborn?

[veggielover]

Maybe I just worry too much about what people think, but I would like anyone's advice on a situation that just came up. Well, my parents are going out of town for the fourth of july weekend and coincidentally, my friends birthday is pretty close to that. She asked me if she could have a small get together at my house for her birthday. The thing is, I'm not all that comfortable in large group settings, especially since its at my own house because that means I'm reliable for any uncomfort or complaints that people might have. I told my friend that I totally don't mind celebrating her birthday at my house and that I just want our close friends there. She wants a few extra people to come, but honestly these are not people who I am that close with or feel comfortable having in a small group setting especially at my own house. I tried telling her that but I don't think she understands because she's a big people person and party's all the time. And I also feel obligated to say yes to having people over at my house because its for her birthday. I don't if maybe I'm just being too stubborn about the situation or if I'm just standing up for myself? I lack a great deal of self confidence so I don't enjoy being a host of a party...that's why I'd rather just have people I already know attending. Any feedback would be great.

[vmvnpv]

There's many different types of people.  I'm definitely an extrovert but when I'm put into certain situations I become introverted.  You are introverted.  It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.  You're not stubborn.  You're not rude.  You're not weak.  It's just the way you are.  If it makes you uncomfortable then don't do it.  If your friend is a real friend then she will understand.

[jo929]

Remember sometimes these house partys get out of control   luck  jo

[veggielover]

See, I really do I agree with what everyone's saying that it's my parents house and not mine so that's why I decide who gets to be there, and that's what I did. I let my friend know whats up and she was actually fine with it. The thing that stressed me out the most was the fact that she even thought of asking me to have the party because a decision like that is so stressful for me, but I'm learning more and more everyday to just say what I feel and speak up more. All my life I've been that person that does go along with everything because I don't want to disappoint everyone, but I've realized that I don't like being that way because it only hurts me in choosing not to hurt anyone else. The only thing is everyone has always known me as the girl who never lets anyone down, so now that I'm actually making decisions for myself, my friends may be a little let down.......and that stresses me out. However, I don't want to be stuck in an uncomfortable situation in my own house, so that's why I told my friend that I only wanted our close friends there. I just want to make sure that my decision is justifiable.

[mami1323]

This is your personality, and honestly if you wanted to become more outgoing then you should be able to do it on your terms and not feel forced into being social because your friend wants to have a party at your house.  I would never ask any of my friends if I could throw a party at their house.  Is this a very good friend of yours?  Are you the type of person who normally goes along with what others say because you don't want to disappoint them or have them dislike you?  It just takes some major cojones to ask someone to do something like that.  I think you need to stand your ground.  It's not your house but your parents and so you should be able to say who you want in your parent's house.  If she doesn't like it then let her throw a party in her own house.  

[veggielover]

I was getting really stressed out when I was talking to my friend about this situation and I ended up saying, "Val, I lack a great deal of self confidence and I know that your friends are very outgoing people and honestly, that intimidates me so I don't want them at my house."
That is the main reason I didn't want to have people at my house. At first I thought it would be ok, but for some reason I feel incredibly uncomfortable around social people, because I am not a social person myself. And if I were to have them over I would be kidding myself trying to be social....I don't know. Maybe I should try a little harder to be outgoing?? Am I making people just feel bad for me because I'm not super outgoing?? Do i look like a weak person now to my friend?........... ugh.

[vmvnpv]

You don't have to say yes to anything.  It's your parents and your house.  You say who gets to come and who doesn't.  I honestly wouldn't trust her to only invite close friends.  She may be one to invite the extras but then tell you she didn't know they were coming.  I would tell her that you're not comfortable having friends over while your parents are away and maybe tell her your parents would kill you if they found out there was a party while they were gone.  That way the blame is off of you.  If she wants to argue that they would never find out just tell her you respect them and their property too much to risk something happening at their house.  If she wants a party so bad she should host it, at her house, or find somewhere else to go.  Good luck!

[veggielover]

Thank you so much for the responses :). I truly appreciate it. I completely agree with everyone and your right my friend just needs to be understanding of my situation.

[iam1butterfly]

Make it clear to your friend... and quick! that "a few extra people" will put a strain on
you as you can only have a limited number of people over.
Remind her that it is, after all, your parent's house. And, you will be held responsible
for anything that happens on their property. You're already doing her favor by agreeing
to host the party... I think that she'll understand your situation. But, talk to her soon, before she starts inviting more people.

[AHP84]

I don't think you're being unreasonable or stubborn. It's your house, and you'll be the host, so it should be your decision and in your control of how you want it to be. Your friend should understand and respect that from you.